Absence

Sorry I have been absent from blogging for so long. I will return on January 4th.

Timing

Timing is everything, or so they say. Sometimes I have to agree with them. Yesterday timing meant everything to me. A few minutes was the difference between me being on the flight I had booked and me standing in the airport cursing my luck.

I could have made the flight, but of course I made stupid mistakes that you make because you are rushing and then you make more mistakes that make you later and then I was so late the I could not check my bags. I could not get on my flight without my bags so I am still here in Chicago.

Missing a flight is not the end of the world, however it is very difficult for me. I DO NOT miss flights. I consider myself a pretty savvy traveler. I make many flights a year, yet I have never missed a flight. I can handle missing luggage or a plane being delayed or even perhaps running to catch a train - but I cannot miss a flight.

One reason that missing a flight is so hard for me is that there is no one else to blame. I'd like to say it was my cousin's fault since she was driving me. Or I would like to say it was my brother's fault for keeping me at his house until 3 am. But in reality the blame lies squarely on my shoulders. I have no one else to blame, even partly. I lie sometimes and say this person told me that or this person didn't do that. Yet, I have to reckon with my own failure.

You see this is the hard part for me. I do not like to look at my mistakes and where I mess up. (Which I'm assuming I'm not the only one in this category). I generally do things well. I am pretty successful in life and when I can't do things well, I generally don't do them or I accept that I can't do them. (like climbing trees, hiking or tying balloons) When I think that if I put out a reasonable amount of effort I should succeed and then I don't - that is when I'm the angriest. I'm angry at myself for missing my plane. There was no real harm done. (except to my credit card).

Chicago

I made it to Chicago. Chicago is a very special city. You may not know it, but I was born here in the Windy City. It is cold, though, now. Colder than Geneva. I almost feel misleading since this blog is at the address "Maryann in Geneva" and now that is no longer true. No longer will I be living in Geneva. Although my life is still an experiment - so perhaps that is okay. I am still trying to figure out how to live my life and be authentic.

Chicago is a great city - with lots of my family. Family is so important, although I often take them for granted. I just assume that they will always be there for me. Thank you family, for being here for me.

I am also reflecting on this year. It is the end of the calendar year and the end of a year long experiment for me. It is also a return. I'm returning to a city I know I love, to a church I love and a job I love. I've gone full circle in 2009.

It's over

Yesterday was my last day of work. This experiment that I started a little more than a year ago is done. Yet, I am a completely different person. I had my "exit interview" with my supervisor yesterday. I left a pile of papers for the next intern. I finished It's strange to think that I will never be back there. I feel good about it. I feel like I have achieved something.

With prayer and hard work I made this year happen. It was not guaranteed in any way that I would or could stay for this long here in Switzerland doing this job. Yet, it worked out. God has been so good to me this year! I talk about my faith on this blog and God some - but I really think I have learned a lot about my faith and about God this year.

I was recently asked what I thought of my office. I am amazed that the six of us that work there, now five without me, are able to do all the things that we do. My supervisor and my boss work harder than anyone I know. These six people are making sure that the students around the world's voice are being heard on global summits. From Copenhagen to The commission on the Status of Women - we are making sure Christian Student Voices are heard. The thing is we are very clear in our office that we are not the students or the voices - but instead are helping them to be heard. I am amazed at the work we do. I'm very grateful that I was part of it for a year.

Although I know this was only the beginning and I will be part of WSCF for a long time.

I'm heading back to the States in just a few days. I can't quite believe it. The photos are from my weekend away in the alps.

My first day of my last week

I spent the weekend in the Alps at a "chalet". I really did go to the Alps this weekend. A friend of mine's parents have a vacation apartment in this small town called St. Luc. It is the most picturesque place I've ever been. All those pictures of the snow covered mountains with the houses with the perfect snow on top of them all nicely lined up with the sloping roofs. Those pictures were probably taken in St. Luc. Although I had a wonderful time, I realized that I truly am a city girl. I mean, I loved the nature and the snow and everything - but I would much prefer sitting in the peace and quiet of a coffee shop in a big city knowing that there are a thousand people walking past the door of the coffee shop that will never come in, and may never even know it exists.

I think that my coffee shop experience and going away to "nature" serve the same purpose. At least they do for me. I am reminded of how insignificant I am and how blessed I am. When I'm staring at those huge mountains that God created I realize just how little I really am. How fragile my life is. I see for an instant that the World is so much bigger than what I'm doing or my problems or my life. I also see that in the bottom of my coffee cup. I hear that as I listen to people talk in coffee shops about their lives and their problems and their gods. I am reminded of how blessed I am and how insignificant my life is. But also how important it is - to me and to God.

Sorry I don't have any pictures yet. I haven't taken them off my camera. Today was the first day of my last week at work.

one week... (plus a few days)

I have just over one week of work left. This is strange. It feels like I just arrived yesterday. I can still remember setting up my blog when I was in Austin, TX and Geneva was just an idea of a far away place. Now, I have one week left to finish. One week left to do what I will do. Then I will be back in Austin. While I could continue to work for WSCF as a volunteer it will be much harder and I'm not going to lie to them or myself and say that I will do things that I might do, but probably will be too busy to do.

I have one week left. It is a little daunting. I am currently doing the mail out for Fed News. Which means that today was spent folding newsletters and stuffing envelopes and tomorrow will be more of the same. However, it will feel good to be done. Hopefully, if you're on my mailing list you'll get a copy (plus a personalized note) mailed out next week.

Also, I am still trying to finish Student World -WSCF's ecumenical journal - but my finishing it is a BIG question and there is also questions about what will happen after I leave. We will see, I suppose.

One week. I still can't believe it. It will happen, though, and I will be back in Texas very soon.

This picture was taken when I was in Edinburgh, Scotland (not to be confused with Edinburg, TX) by my friend I was visiting. It's one of my favorites.

Living in Switzerland

Sunday was an eventful day. Apart from being the Launch of the new Philip Potter Fund of the WSCF Centennial Fund. It was also the day of "votation". The Swiss went to the polls with two very important issues, among many others. First was a law that would insert a phrase into the constitution to ban building more minarets. The second was a law that would have outlawed the sales of arms to foreign countries. For a country that is supposedly neutral, they sell 6% of the world's weapons. The first passed and the second failed.

Switzerland, the land of chocolate, banks, cheese and neutrality, failed to live up to it's reputation on Sunday. Instead of choosing to be prophetic and reject the racism and xenophobia loosely clothed as "freedom from Islamic law" the majority, 57.5%, of Swiss chose the path of least resistance. The path of hatred. The poster here was all over Geneva. Although I only saw the French version - loosely translated it says "Stop" vote yes on the ban on minarets.

This very thinly veiled racism is unacceptable. We must not stand for this. I cannot believe that I live in a country that is supposed to be a land of freedom, but instead the people here have chosen to embrace hatred and fear rather than embracing those that are different and trying to learn from them.

Here's what I think...

I read this article the other day in the New York Times. (It is my homepage) The article, basically, states that a group of leaders from the Catholic and Orthodox Church are going to refuse to follow laws that require them to recognize same-sex unions or marriages. They are signing an official document, to be released soon, to that effect. They are saying, in effect, that if a country creates a law that they believe to be wrong they will not follow it.

It really outraged me! It made me so angry with leaders in the Church and with the theology that they must use. Here is the quote that made me the angriest:

“We argue that there is a hierarchy of issues,” said Charles Colson, a prominent evangelical who founded Prison Fellowship after serving time in prison for his role in the Watergate scandal. “A lot of the younger evangelicals say they’re all alike. We’re hoping to educate them that these (abortion, homosexuality, and religious freedom) are the three most important issues.”

I do agree there is a hierarchy of issues. I would include religious freedom, but I think that abortion and homosexuality are on the bottom of my list. I would put the things that Jesus talked about in the Gospels on the top of my list. The last time I checked Jesus did not mention either homosexuality or abortion. He talked about loving our neighbors. He talked about selling all that we have and giving the money to the poor. He talked about treating all people with dignity and respect. He talked about not creating a difference between the rich and the poor. Jesus talked about social justice.

As angry as I am about the issues they are targeting, I do agree with the basic premise. If a country makes a law that we believe to be morally wrong, we have the obligation to not follow it. We need to tell the government that they cannot do whatever they want. I pray, though, that the Holy Spirit is strong enough to overcome people like this. That if I pray for them and they are true believers that they will be able to see that their actions are bigoted and that they will be able to change. I can only pray.

The other thing that makes me angry about this article is that those of us who disagree with the more conservative Christians, and also identify as Christian, get a bad rap. I mean I am left defending these positions that I disagree with simply because I know that they are my brothers ad sisters in Christ. Therefore I cannot just write these people off as crazy nutters - but instead I must wrestle with their theology and them in order to learn how to pray for them. Once again, my only recourse is prayer.

On an unrelated note - that picture I took in Neuchatel, Switzerland. I decided my blog needed more photos.

Overwhelmed.. but making it

This week has been a bit overwhelming. It's the little things that throw me off the most.

Two little things:
1. My 'N' key is sticking. This means that I have to pay attention every time I want to have the letter 'n' appear. It's not a big deal - but somehow it makes me feel a little off.
2. On Monday, I left my plug adapter at home. I had taken it off of my computer to use with my camera charger and then I forgot to put it back on to my computer. I showed up at work Monday morning and voila my computer was a paperweight for the day. A small thing, but that made me very off balance all week.

However, this week has been good in many other ways. We hit our first target deadline for my project with the WCC. (http://women.overcomingviolence.org) I think the site looks great! (although I am a bit biased). It has just been stressful. I also have been working on Student World again. And Fed News. The latest edition is available online! All of this means that I am working on about 10 different projects. And to top it all off I agreed (a long time ago) to help organize the Ecumenical Learning Session this week. Which was supposed to be Wednesday, but we moved to Friday because we were too busy. It will be fun! We're doing a Christmas Tradition theme. So we'll just talk about what we do for Christmas and drink hot chocolate and decorate Gingerbread cookies! So excited! So fun things, but yet a little stressful.

This week has been stressful, but I think I am getting my work done. I'm feeling better about it - although it has FLOWN by. I feel like yesterday was Monday. Tomorrow is already Friday.

My work here is rewarding. My project with the WCC got picked up by Christianity Today. There is also a Christian News Channel in New Zealand that is looking to do a story on our study too! So I feel like this study we are designing might actually make a difference in people's lives. I hope (and pray) that it does. I suppose all this work is worth it in the end.

On another, unrelated note, I am going to celebrate Thanksgiving tonight by eating a traditional Scottish meal! Haggis, neeps and tatties (which apparently in English means Haggis - ie. sheeps innards - with mashed potatoes and turnips).

The International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

Tomorrow, November 25, is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

I have bee working on a project now for a while with the WCC about eliminating violence against women. Originally we were planning to have this project coincide with Advent, which is the Church season that leads up to Christmas. I believe it starts this upcoming Sunday. However, due to technical reasons we decided to postpone our Bible Study until Lent 2010. (Lent is the Church season leading up to Easter - it is longer 6 weeks vs. 4 weeks - but the timing is much better).

However, in preparation for tomorrow we have been preparing a "test" week of our website. We have made what is the first week of our six week Bible Study. What is even better is that you can go look at it! http://women.overcomingviolence.org Please go check it out and tell all your friends about it.

Last week I did most of the work getting everything up there. This week I have a little bit left to do. Of course, we have only gotten one week up - one of six. So there is still a lot of work to be done. I am so excited about having this page done! I am really proud of it. I think it will be a good study. I hope that people will be able to use it in their Churches and that women will feel empowered by watching these videos and by reading the Bible that we can actually make a difference.

Turkey!

So I've decided to celebrate American Thanksgiving here in Geneva.

The real day is next Thursday. (We celebrate Thanksgiving on the 4th Thursday of November). However, as this is not the United States - Thanksgiving is not a holiday. So I decided to have it on this Sunday instead. I am very excited about it. Last time I hosted Thanksgiving, I was in France and it was a great success - however, I never found a turkey. We ended up eating Guinea Fowl and Chicken. This time we have a turkey! Sort of. I went to Manor - which is one of the more expensive Department stores in town which has a very nice food section. They had turkeys. Actual turkeys! The price said "1.98" I was hoping this was per kilo. It was per 100 g. Therefore, if a turkey weighed 8 kilos. (about 18 pounds) it would cost 160 swiss francs (remember the swiss franc and the US dollar are about even). So I decided that I could not possibly buy a turkey from Manor.

Then today I went to France. We went to the little market in the border town of Ferney. It's a great French Market. Somehow the French have managed to find the right combination of vegetables, cheese vendors and butchers (and kebab stands and clothing stores) that makes a market just perfect. I will definitely miss French markets when I'm back in the States. I asked all the butchers if they had turkeys. None did, some said they could order one for me for next weekend. But none. Then we went to the Hyper Champion (This is the equivalent of Wal-Mart) in the town. We looked and we asked and finally we found all the prepackaged chickens. Not pre-cooked - just wrapped. We found a large bird. It looks about the size of turkey. The picture of the front of it looks sort of like a turkey. But - it has in big letters "coq". Which means rooster in French! So my turkey is most likely a rooster - but I'm just going to let myself believe that it's a turkey. You have to have turkey for Thanksgiving!

I'm very excited about the meal. It should be great! It'll be as American as I can make it over here. (Although there won't be any pecan pie because I could't find corn syrup)

I'm glad I get to celebrate this holiday with my friends here in Geneva. I suppose that they are what I'm thankful for this year. (among a myriad of other things!)

I know now what it is ..

I got back from my vacation yesterday and today I am here at work. I have so much work to do. There is a list that goes on for miles and miles that I call my "to do" list. I only have 17 days of work left. Will I get it all done? Probably not. Will I get the important things done. Yes. I will. How? I don't know. Only with the grace of God.

Yet, even with this list that is starting to creep out the door of my office and starting to knock on the door of my room, I am feeling bored at work. I am feeling lost. I sometimes don't know where to start. (I start with procrastination like writing a blog). I don't even know how to begin to make these tasks seem manageable. As another procrastination tool I began chatting with a brother of mine on Facebook. As I was telling him about my symptoms he gave me the diagnosis "Senioritis." I had forgotten what it felt like. I had forgotten that I've had this before. I am so excited about this next phase of my life that I am already beginning to detach from this phase. I am beginning to see my future as more real and more "important" than my present. It's a weird reality. I've experienced this before - but I had forgotten what it feels like. It feels overwhelming and unimportant. (Although I think the work I'm doing is very important - but somehow my house and my coffee shop in Texas seem more important right now.)

Senioritis. I can't believe it, but it's true. I know now what it is that is making me feel this way. I am about to "graduate" from WSCF! Scary and exciting. Just like real graduation. ;)

Leaving

I sat down yesterday with my boss to plan for my final month of work. He counted. I have 18 working days left. 18 days. Then he told me about the myriad of events that I did not know I would be attending/organizing in these 18 days. Then we talked about the other work that we're doing. Then I reminded him I'm only working 50% for him. (I am working 50% on another project with the World Council of Churches about Eliminating Violence Against Women). I guess the good thing is that I feel like I know what I need to be doing. For my first few months (ie. six months) I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing most of the time. I ran from task to task with no overall vision for what my job was. Now, I know what I need to be doing - but it seems like more than I can possibly get done in 18 days. 18 days. (9 days if you really count me as half time!)

I am also leaving this afternoon to go to Cannes. I lived in Cannes, France (Le Cannet if you want to be technical) for one year. I am going back there to see my friends and celebrate a birthday. Of course my friends decided that they want to have the party at a Swiss Restaurant! Ah, the irony. I am leaving my friends here to go to my friends there. I am excited about that. I also just love that part of the world. It is beautiful, good weather, and beautiful. Switzerland is beautiful too - but it is beautiful in a different way.

I also feel like I'm getting a grip on my project with the WCC. Our website actually has some content on it! I can't give you the link yet - but once we have the test week up and running, hopefully by next week - I will give a link so that you can see what we're trying to do. It is so exciting! I hope that this will be a project that really helps women feel inspired and make a change in their lives. Lent, is after all, a season of reflection and change.

What is Faith?

I was looking on Facebook today and a friend of mine posted a link to this article. The article discusses a recent court ruling in Britain about what makes someone Jewish. Since some of the state run schools in Britain are religiously affiliated, and are allowed to give preference to the students of that religion, there are questions about how these schools define who is a member of their religion. The article was interesting. I also read a this blog about the way Muslim was used to describe the man who was responsible for the mass killing last week in Fort Hood. (She was referencing this Washington Post article).

Both of these articles are questioning what it means to be part of a religion. Is it just what you claim? Is it how you behave? Is it what you believe deep in your heart? How do we define that?

In the court case they ruled that being a Jew could be defined by certain religious duties - like going to Synagogue or charitable acts. The other article said that this man's actions could not define him as being a Muslim, because Islam stands against violence. What then, defines our faith? Is it our belief, regardless of our actions? Is it our actions, regardless of our belief? If so, what then is the point of belief?

Progress in the Church?

I just finished watching this clip from the Colbert Report. As many of you may know, the Colbert Report is one of my favorite shows. (I also really like the Daily Show!) Both of these shows mix humor and politics. Since politics is one of my favorite things to talk about or think about or write about or generally be about, I like shows that make me laugh about politics. (They are VERY American - in fact I did a comparison between The Daily Show and Les Guignols for a project in my French class this summer.. but I digress).

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Holy Water Under the Bridge - Randall Balmer
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

This clip made me realize that we have to be part of a dynamic changing Church. We cannot, as some in the Church try to do, hold onto things "as they were". For one, there is no idyllic moment in the past when the Church had everything figured out and it was all pie in the sky. Secondly, if we do not always re-evaluate our life in terms of the Gospel than what does it mean to be Christian? Does it mean anything? The Episcopal Priest in this clip gave a very good answer to Colbert when he asked about the issue of inclusion of Gays and Lesbians. I am glad that I can say that I am part of the same church as him. If we do not re-evaluate our actions in light of the Gospel then we will end up using the Gospel and Jesus' name to inflict pain and suffering in the world. That is when the Gospel stops being Good News and begins to be the thing that people are afraid of - the reason that people have disdain for the Church.

So I've been thinking about women...and Jesus

I've been thinking about women a lot. This may have to do with the fact that I've been working on a project around violence against women, or the fact that recently read an article about women in the World Student Christian Federation. There might be lots of reasons.

However, this morning, over friendly breakfast banter with one of the regional secretaries we got on the topic of the Virgin birth. Now, being an Anglican, we ascribe to the Virgin Birth, but it is not really primary in our faith - unlike in the Catholic and Orthodox churches. Anyway..

So, I put on my Facebook status something about the question of Jesus' having ovaries (this was where our eventual conversation lead this morning because of the lack of physical male input into Jesus' conception - where did the y chromosome come from? Especially since the Holy Spirit can be considered feminine, and Mary was a woman. In fact you could say that Jesus had two mothers - but that is for another conversation)

It was strange. One of my friends really questioned me on this idea of Jesus not being a "man" because of a lack of y chromosome (to be fair in my actual facebook status I put x chromosome because I always mix up which ones it is that girls have and which ones boys have). I am glad that she questioned me on my joking about Jesus. I do need to take Jesus and my faith very seriously. I think I learned a lot about how I view Jesus, the historical person and Jesus the Christ.

However, I agree that the belief that Jesus Christ was the Son of God, and was born of the Virgin Mary, has nothing to do with Jesus' physical attributes - that is a question of faith. So on some level, I understand that this is a rather trivial matter. However, the thing that I am really struck by is how God CANNOT under any circumstances be female. God can be gender neutral - in fact most people I know today would not dispute this fact at all. God is neither male nor female. The fact that most of our language used to describe God is male is a remnant of our patriarchy and it is a part of our cultural heritage. I agree with this to an extent - I enjoy saying the "Our Father" and I find it meaningful - I've never quite found the "Our Creator" version as powerful. However, there is something to recognizing both aspects of the male and female in God. It's not just that God has no gender. It's that God is bigger and encompasses both genders.

The fact that I am a woman, with all the womanness that that entails is not a mystery for God. God created me this way. I am just as much created in the image of God as any man. My body and my mind and my feminine desires are part of God's plan for me. There is no second class anything about me simply because I am not a man. No, being a woman is a gift from God - just as being a man is a gift from God. (I recognize I'm leaving out all those that either do not identify as men or women - or that were born intersexed but for now we're working in dualities).

But - I just think that reaction that I got from a simple question about Jesus' ability to have ovaries shows just how entrenched our patriarchy is. We do not even realize that we are trapped by own words and our own preconceptions into putting God and Jesus into the little boxes of man and woman.

All Saints Day

In the tradition of the Catholic (and Anglican) Church today is All Saints or All Souls Day.

Usually this day is a time to remember those we've loved and lost over the past year. A day to think of all the saints that are no longer with us. However, today at Holy Trinity, the sermon was not about that. It was about "thin" places on earth. Places where we can begin to see heaven here on earth. I like this idea. I like the idea that we are creating places where people can be just that much closer to God. That's the point of being Christian. Sometimes we see these places when we are surrounded by nature and are awe struck by how beautiful this world is. (This happens a lot to me here in Switzerland - it really is one of the most beautiful countries on earth). Sometimes we see these thin places when we are with our friends and loved ones. Sometimes we see these thin places in others that we pass on the street or in the tram. Sometimes we see these thin places as we pour ourselves out in service for God. Sometimes others see these thin places through our work (or at least I pray for this).

I am thinking about how I can make more of these thin places in my own life and in the lives of those around me.

Also I have been having a discussion, through Facebook and this blog, about what it means to encounter the other and then to identify with them. Part of our discussion has centered around the question of if it is enough to just identify and "love" someone. I think, though, that once we truly understand the pain that someone else is going through that we will be moved to action. We cannot sit idly by and say I feel your pain - if we mean that then we will be moved to do something about it. If we truly feel the pain of those around us who are suffering then we will start working to change the situation. I think that this is what James is talking about in his book in the Bible. Our faith, our beginning of love, is something that changes our lives. Our lives cannot be the same as before because we are different. We cannot say we truly love someone unless we show that in our actions. How we show that depends on each of us. But that is a topic for another blog.

things I've done today

So here are a few of the things I've done today.

Watched many video clips about violence against women. Including films about sexual violence in the Congo due to the ongoing wars there, institutional and sexual violence against Dalit women in India and the issue of women who are trafficked as sex slaves, either as prostitutes or strippers.

To make myself feel better about this violence in the world - I spent the afternoon reading about why apartheid in South Africa was a good thing. (To be fair this article was written by an Afrikaner in 1951) I also read an article explaining why the best solution to the Israeli/Palestinian Conflict is simply for Israel to annex all the territory that they already occupy. This way they can be the benevolent government for the all the Palestinians who live there, who of course would be given full civil rights. (of course, my foot). This has been my day.

However, I have to have hope. Hope is the reason that I am watching all these videos and reading these articles. I have hope that by sharing these stories of suffering we can learn to identify with each other. Through identifying with people we can begin to love ALL people. Love is the solution. I know it sounds cheesy, but we need to believe it and we need to act to make it a reality.

Pray for me that I will not be overwhelmed by all the violence in this world.

Heaven?

One of the bloggers that I like to read recently wrote a post about what it takes to get into heaven. Her article was interesting because we do condemn the idea of indulgences from the middle ages as something that we would never do. After all we protestants reformed the Catholic Church over that issue, among others. Yet, it seems that legalism knows no time. There was legalism in Jesus' day among the Pharisees and Scribes. There is legalism today within every strand of Christianity.

I struggle with legalism. Yet, Jesus came to set us free from these rules. It's hard to understand what that means though - I mean what does that really mean? I suppose the difference is how we approach the rules. If we are simply following rules so that we can get into heaven some day that is legalism - but if we are choosing to live our lives as Christ calls us to and that happens to mean that we live by the same rules that the "legalists" live by, we are still not living under legalism because the rules are not an end in themselves. The rules are simply another way of following Christ. After all that is the point of being Christian - at least in my opinion.

Last night I had some really interesting conversations with a friend who invited me over for dinner. After dinner we were talking about if we thought the world had more problems today than in the past. I am not sure about this - sometimes I think that we just have more knowledge of the problems than actually having more problems. He seems to think that we actually have more problems. (Of course numerically there are more problems simply because there are more people in the world). We ended the conversation by agreeing that whether or not the world has more problems today - the problems that we have today are epic. If we do not change our entire world order we will destroy ourselves. Yet changing everything about society seems impossible - however it is just as impossible that things continue the way they are. Strangely enough, this is the exact same conclusion that I had been reading in an articles I am editing for Student World. But the article was written just after World War I in 1919! Perhaps this change in society is the freedom that Christ came to show us.

Blogs

What's the point of blogging?

Sometimes I feel selfish that I write all these words about my life here and expect people across the globe to read them. Is my life that interesting? Yet, people do read my blog. In the past month 139 people have visited this site 24 different countries. Now, many of these "visits" are me writing and seeing if anyone has left comments (btw I LOVE it when people leave comments - hint hint...) But as I am not in, nor have I ever been to, Brazil I know that the person (or people) there visiting my site are not me! I wonder who that person (people) is (are)? I like that fact that people I do not know read my blog. I think that is the point of the Internet. There is something to creating community with people you already know - but there is also something to creating some form of community with people you do not know (and will never know?).

I also have other blogs that I read. I read blogs of people that I know like a friend from college -or people that I have never met. (I particularly like this blog) I read these because either a) I care about the person and want to know what their doing or b) I think that the things the person says are inspiring and related to my life or c) both of the above. I enjoy reading these blogs.

I am thinking about blogs quite a bit because as part of this video project I'm working on with the WCC we are going to have blogs. Many, many interactive blogs. However, we are thinking of calling them something else. The word "blog" has connotations and some people may not even know what it is! So we are thinking of calling them personal reflections. Does that change the way I relate to what people write? Does that change what I will write? I have no idea. I suppose we'll find out....

Topics I might consider in the future (or you can leave your thoughts on).

• God is love - our job is to manifest this. I talked with a friend about this during my trip to Lugano.

• Should France ban the Burqua? A clip I watched on French News : France might ban the burqua (head to toe Islamic covering for women). Does that improve the distance between religion/state or is that an interferance of people's right to practice their religion?

Thanks for reading.. ;)

Jesus and Women

So today during work I was re-reading one of the articles that I will probably publish in the Centennial Edition of Student World. This article was written in 1924 (or 25) by a young Japanese woman. In this short, two page article, she explains why she believe that Jesus is the person after whom she wants to pattern her life. She gives three really great reasons - first, Jesus was a feminist, second, Jesus was grateful for what He had and He never worried, third, that Jesus had a vision for a new world and was not afraid to make it happen - even if this meant His death.

I am amazed that the Christianity being preached by the organization that I work for has not changed much in 90 years. In 1925 we were explaining the same message to people all over the world. I am amazed that this woman in Japan is now witnessing to me - a woman from the United States of the 21st Century. I often think that the Christianity I believe in is something new - or something that people didn't really get 90 years ago. I am proved wrong over and over again, yet I still forget this.

The thing that really, really strikes me about this article is that her very first reason (and she says it would have been enough by itself) for wanting to model her life after Jesus is that He never brushes women aside. He never tells women that they CANNOT do something simply because they are women. He never tells women that they must obey men in all situations. Twenty years before women were given the right to vote in her country this woman saw that Jesus viewed her just as important and just as worthy as any man.

I love that I am being taught about Jesus' values by people so far away from me both geographically and historically.

Home sweet home.. Geneva!

I made it back to Geneva yesterday. It is hard to come back to "normal" life after having such an intense experience, like we all did in Sibiu.

It is strange how quickly friendships can be created. Sometimes you can know someone for years and never really feel that you are friends. Other times you meet someone and you know that you are friends for life. The friendships that I made in Sibiu are like these friendships. I know that I will see some of these people again, but even if I don't I know that we are friends. We are not the kind of the friends that share our daily lives, but we are the kind of friends that share our spiritual lives. I wish that some of these people could be here with me, but we are all deeply involved in our work that we do and that is not possible. I am so grateful that I met everyone this past week.

In Sibiu, I went to the European Regional Assembly. Basically about 30 students from 18 countries gathered for a week to talk about Gender and Christ. We talked about our faith, we talked about our experiences of our genders, of our sexuality, of our ideas about sexuality, our ideas about God and we worshipped together. One of the most amazing things about this past week was the diversity that was there. Although almost all the students were from Europe (there were three Americans there) we had people of a wide variety of Christian backgrounds. Catholics, Orthodox, Protestants and Anglicans. The diversity of viewpoints was just as broad. The topic was gender, yet we did not let our divergent viewpoints allow us to get angry with one another or stereotype one another. There was room for all of us at the table because there is room for everyone at Christ's table. I am so glad that this conference was not a celebration of our "acceptance" or all sexualities at the exclusion of those who believe in a traditional point of view. What kind of "acceptance" is that? Instead we were able to be in tension with each other yet be friends. This is true friendship and a true example of the Kingdom (Queendom) of God.

One of the things about Europe that I find most challenging and amazing is the variety of languages spoken here. (I also find it incredible that people who speak different languages can understand each other - for example Polish and Slovak and Belarusian and Polish but not Slovak and Belarusian). During our worship times we sang songs in many languages. One of my favorites was a song that we sang in Swahili. Basically the song said that in the Kingdom of Heaven there will be only one language. I pray that that is true. Yet, our many languages add to our rich diversity.

I suppose I am just incredibly grateful that I was able to participate in such an amazing week. Thank you to all who organized it and thank You to God for blessing us with such tolerance and openness.

(The photos are of the beautiful scenery at the orthodox monastery and a group photo of everyone at the conference)

Evangelical Church!

I have spent a very long week in Romania. It was a week that was amazing, but it was tiring. I am now in Budapest and tomorrow I head back "home" to Geneva. I am so glad that I will get to sleep in my own bed tomorrow night and I have will be able to cook in my own kitchen and I will hear people around me speaking a language that I understand (even if it's not English) and I will be with my friends.

I went to church tonight with my host here in Budapest. She goes to a church that is associated with Calvary Chapel. It is a bilingual (english/hungarian) church. I do not know that I have ever been to a Church that is 100% bilingual like this one was. Most of the congregation is Hungarian, but the pastor (at least the one that preached) is American. There are many people there, though, that are foreigners and either speak little to no Hungarian.

Even with the language differences, the church felt very much like most of the other evangelical churches I have been to before. The service began with "worship" - which is the very modern music. I enjoy the music because I think it evokes the emotions that are often glossed over in more traditional churches. Tonight was especially poignant because the music was mostly in Hungarian - but almost all the songs also had English lyrics. We sang a few verses in English too. I found myself singing in Hungarian. It was a very strange feeling to really worship God in a language that I cannot speak. (Although I have to say that I sang in many languages this past week and I felt that I was truly worshipping God - especially when we sang this one, Swahili song). The worship in the service was really good.

Then there was the sermon. The priest preached on loneliness. The text he used was Ecclesiastes 4:1-12. I have never heard this passage preached on before in such a way. His sermon made me realize that I need to be more authentic with my friends. I need to be willing to be vulnerable with them. I have many friends that I am not being as open and honest as I could be. He also made an interesting comment. The last verse of this section says that "a three fold chord is not quickly broken" - basically, if we have a friend (or more) and God to support us that we will be stronger people. I think that having the relationship with God is so important. This string of friendship is strong when it is just based on human relationships, but becomes even stronger when the relationship with God is added.

I am looking forward to going back to my friends especially after this sermon.

Romania

I am the European Regional Conference in Romania. I arrived here on Tuesday, but I have not been posting regularly because this has been the first time I have had more than ten minutes to use the internet. Sadly the conference is almost over.

I am staying at an Orthodox Monastery in a town near Sibiu, Romania. It is insanely beautiful. I have been enjoying meeting the other people here and exploring issues of gender in Europe together with people from 18 different countries. It has been an amazing week. Perhaps later I will write a longer reflection on what exactly what talked about.

Although I now have free time, I am going to take advantage of that to take a nap. Later I will share my inspirational theological, life changing amazing things I have learned about humility.

Lugano

Reflections on Lugano

I did not know what I had gotten myself into when I agreed to go to Lugano. I didn’t even know it was a Focolare event. I came because I like politics and I wanted to go to Lugano. No idea what the day was going to be like.

I know that this will be one of the things that I talk about when people ask “So what really great things did you do in Switzerland?” I will say, “I went to this amazing political rally for unity and then climbed the mountain in Lugano and saw the most beautiful scenery I’d ever seen in my life.”

I think that there were a lot of really good ideas that came from the different speakers. I wrote down a few quotes, (although because of my notes I am not sure who said what… oops). I think they give a good idea of what was talked about last weekend.

“Fraternite is based on the belief that first we are all part of the human family.”

“Democracy can only exist where there are differences.”

The Political Movement for Unity (MPPU) is looking for unity, but not ideological unity, rather unity in the belief that we are all doing our best and that we are all part of this human family. Therefore we should respect each other and try to find common ground rather than focusing on the issues that divide us.

I also found it interesting that the speakers brought up how the media is partly responsible to for the polarization that is killing politics today. The polarization leads to simplification which in turn leads to disrespect. If we do not respect our political opponents then we cannot govern effectively. I totally agree. From my own perspective, in the United States our government is more polarized now than they ever have been, and they are doing less work than ever before. My government cannot continue down this path of self-destruction. I pray that if this movement is not already strong in the United States that it can become stronger. (Which is something that I will work on when I head back there in December).

However, as much as I agree with the ideals put forth by the MPPU, I felt that they were just that, ideals. I do not know what this movement looks like practically. At the end of the day, even if we respect each other, we may come to different conclusions. When does MPPU decide to speak out against “injustice”? How do you do respectfully tell someone that you think they are creating a law that in unjust? How do you respectfully tell them that you think they are creating a law that hurts immigrants, especially when they think they are doing the opposite? How do you work with people when you fundamentally disagree? I felt like these questions were not addressed during that day.

However, I am very glad that I went to Lugano and that I stayed the night. I had not planned on staying the night. I was going to head back to Geneva Saturday evening, but I felt compelled to stay. God being good, provided a place for me stay, dinner for me to eat and a ride back to Geneva the next day. Even though I had not planned to stay, God had planned for me to stay.

Dinner that night was on top of the mountain in Lugano. We took a funicular train up to the top of the mountain. We got there just after the sun had sunk down but the clouds were still pink and purple and orange. Gorgeous. (Sadly, I don’t have any photos of my own, but a friend took lots!) Then we had dinner at the restaurant up there. The dinner was delicious, but more important was the conversation. We sat and talk about God. We talked about Focolare. What is it? What do you do? What does it mean? How does it work? We talked about other religions. We talked about the Eucharist. What is it? How does it work? We talked about our own experiences. We talked about our calling. We talked about God. That conversation will stay with me for a very long time.

I am grateful that I was in Lugano for this conference, even though I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I agreed to go.

A strange and busy week

Note: This blog was written on the 10th of September as a reflection upon my decision to stay in Geneva until the end of December. I have talked about it with my supervisor here at work - it is basically as I wrote it just after I finally decided.

However, my supervisor posed this questions to me: "What is the purpose of sharing this?" My purpose is only to share the process that I went through. I hope that by sharing this process with you perhaps you can relate to what I experienced. Hopefully we can understand each other a little better on a human level.

Here it is:

I say it was a strange and busy week, but it was really only three days. Four if you include Sunday night.

I'll start with Sunday. I was offered a job on Sunday. I was offered a job as a governess/english teacher/literary assistant for a very wealthy family here in Geneva. The father is a writer, hence the literary assistant part of the job description. I had interviewed the previous Tuesday, and thought it went well. I was definitely interested in the job. I had been planning to leave WSCF at the end of September due to finances and this seemed like a reasonable way for me to stay in Geneva, which was my goal. We planned the final "interview" for Monday so that I could meet the six children, aged 7-10, and see the house where I would be living etc. This all seems very normal - but being offered a job here in Geneva totally freaked me out.

I don't know what it was - but I had a physical reaction when I got off the phone with him. My breathing was very fast and couldn't quite string together more than a few words. (Since I'm such an extrovert this is an accomplishment.) I was not sure why I reacted so physically to the idea of staying here as a nanny, but this reaction made me seriously consider if this job would be good for me or not.

Monday I went to work as usual. Stressing about the idea of meeting the kids that evening. I could not focus and it did not feel like a normal work day in any sense of the word.

That afternoon I met the kids. The kids were probably my favorite part of that afternoon. They seemed very well taken care of. Each one had his/her own bedroom (and bathroom as far as I could tell). The oldest one had just turned ten the day before. She was cute, playing with the Barbie her father had given her. I also did not like the room where I'd be staying or the fact that I would only get one day a week off. This one day was also my vacation time. I could either use my one day every week or accrue them and take off a longer vacation. However, since I attempt to sabbath, I would have to take my one day every week which would mean no vacation time. Ever. No time off for Christmas or time to go back to the States or just a mental health day. No time off. Only work.

I came home that day and went to sleep. I made it back to home about 8pm and fell asleep by 9:15. I was not in a place to think or do anything. I just needed to process and for me processing that night looked like restless sleep.

Tuesday morning I awoke, knowing what I would do. I would go back to Texas. I was convinced that leaving in October was the right decision for me. I would get to see my family. I would get to see my friends. I would be back "home".

Tuesday morning I changed my plane ticket. I told my family I was coming back October 19. I told my friends I was coming back in October. I had already canceled my lease, but I felt secure knowing I would be leaving Geneva for good October 19. Somehow, an exact date makes everything more concrete.

Everything was finalized. To make myself feel even better I went and got a coffee and a pastry. I needed some breathing space. I was certain that I would leave Geneva for good on October 19th.

Of course what is certainty? Later that same day my certitude and finality was shattered.

A person that I work with, who had always promised to try and help me stay in Geneva, came and talked to me. His words had always been encouraging, but I assumed that he had not actually found a way to help me stay. We talked some about a project that we're working on. We talked some about how I am leaving. Then he said, "I have the money for you to stay until the end of December." Just like that. "You can stay here, doing what you're doing, and I'll make sure you have the money for it." Just like that. I was flabbergasted. That morning I had been so convinced and so sure that going back to Austin was FINAL. No way around it. I'm leaving October 19.


It took me a minute to think. To find words to say. Thank you. Thank you for this opportunity. I need to decide. I need to decide. Can I tell you on Monday?

I have been praying, almost incessantly now for a few months, for guidance. I have been praying that I would KNOW the right thing to do. Stay here in Geneva doing odd jobs? Go back to Texas? Move to Los Angeles? Move to Chicago? Go to Spain? Move to France? Go to seminary? Be ordained? Who knows - just that I would KNOW what I need to do next in my life. I have been praying and asking God for guidance. I finally felt like I had found that guidance. I felt like God was telling me it's time for me to go back. (This is could be related to the fact that the reason I moved to Austin in the first place is that God told me to - but that is another story for another day). I felt confident that I was following the path God was putting in front of me. Then all of a sudden this other path opened up. This path that I had been praying for, this path that required a miracle was suddenly in front of me. The miracle had occurred, just not in the timing that I would have chosen. I suppose that is why miracles are of God - if we could choose when they happen they wouldn't be miracles.

That afternoon I walked a labyrinth, set up temporarily outside my work. A labyrinth is like a maze, but spiritual. A good friend of mine, who I had called to talk things out with, brought me there to walk this old, ancient path. We walked it together, then sat in the middle and talked. We talked about our futures, our pasts, our lives, why I'm ontologically obsessed with decisions, why I can't figure out what my life is about. We talked and we talked. I realized that I do in fact want to go home. I want to see my friends. I want to go to my Church. I want to see my family. I want to go to Texas, but I don't want to leave Geneva yet. I am not ready to say goodbye to living in Europe.


I was still stressed about this decision making process. Sometime yesterday I realized that this is actually perfect for me. Extending my job until December gives me time to say goodbye to my friends and the city, to enjoy life here, but yet I am still going to back to Austin soon. As my brother said, "Texas will still be Texas in December."

Now I know that I am on the path that God has opened up for me. This path that required miracles and anguish to find, it is the path for me.

Update from Maryann Philbrook

Here is the letter that you might receive in your in-box or in your real mail box in a few weeks!

Dear Loved Ones,

It’s starting to get colder here in Geneva. I’ve pulled out my boots and I can no longer go and sit by the lake in the afternoon sun. However, I am happy that I will get to see the autumn turn to winter here in Geneva. I am going to continue my work with the World Student Christian Federation (WSCF) until the end of December.

I am working on two projects, one with WSCF and one with the World Council of Churches (WCC). First, I am finishing the centennial edition of Student World, our academic journal. This journal will include a collection of articles published from 1908-2008. I have learned about the history of the Ecumenical Movement, WSCF and the world as I have gone through these pages to find the best articles. The task is large, but I am proud of the book that WSCF will publish. Second, I am helping design a website called “Cries of Anguish, Stories of Hope”. We are working with the WCC to create a Lenten study on overcoming violence against women. This site will have videos of people who have overcome violence. We will also have Bible studies, liturgical resources and an interactive blog. These two projects are taking most of my time, but I am staying busy doing fundraising and working on the WSCF website.

My personal, professional and spiritual growth has been more than I expected. When I arrived in Geneva I did not think I could be a “Communications” Intern. Now I am a key part of both of the projects I mentioned above. I have learned, personally, that I can make any situation work. I came to Geneva not knowing how long I would stay here or what exactly I’d be doing, yet I have stayed here for six months and I have three more exciting months to go. Spiritually I have seen my desire to study the Bible and understand the Word of God grow this year. That is why when I return to the U.S. I will apply for seminary. I am looking forward to doing this in Austin, TX at St. James’ Episcopal Church.

I was responsible for raising the majority of the funds for my position and I was not sure how far my funding would stretch. Since my last letter WSCF has reached an agreement with the WCC and they will continue supporting me for the rest of the year. Although this covers my upcoming costs, the money that WSCF spent on me until now has not been covered. I still need support so that my time here will not be a burden on WSCF financially, especially since now is a period of financial challenge for WSCF.

Thank you for all the ways that you support my mission here with the World Student Christian Federation. Please continue to pray for my work and the work of WSCF. Please pray that everything will come together for our website and that we will change the lives of women around the world by sharing the stories of a few. I also still need donations to offset the cost of my internship here. You can give tax-deductible donations to the New York Trustees. Their address is:

Trustees of the WSCF

c/o Rev. Jorge Domingues

475 Riverside Drive, Room 1340

New York, NY 10115

Thank you once again. I appreciate all the ways that you’ve been involved in my work. I will be thinking of you as the winter settles in here in Geneva.

In Grace and Peace,

Maryann Philbrook

P.S. If you would like to receive the publications that WSCF produces, please let me know. I have already sent you a Federation News and a copy of The Red Book. However, we also have the Student World and a new edition of Fed News coming out. If you would like to receive these, please email me or write us here. Don’t forget about my blog: www.maryanningeneva.blogspot.com and email me anytime: aryannphilbrook@gmail.com

I suppose I am procrastinating

I suppose I am procrastinating because my To Do List is just getting longer and my blog is not on it. Yet, here I am writing this blog. I am procrastinating.

Normally I procrastinate when I have work that I do not want to do. However, I am looking forward to the work that I'm doing. (well... sort of). It's like when I was in college and had papers to write. I looked forward to having the papers done. I didn't actually look forward to the process of writing them. I looked forward to printing them out (or emailing them in) and then being done. I knew I would get the paper done (and well if I might be so humble) before the deadline. I only asked for an extension once my entire time in college. I usually made good grades, even if it meant staying up all night (or more likely going to bed early and waking up at an ungodly hour to finish my paper). I am honestly a morning person. Or perhaps I work better when there are deadlines. I need to know that I have to turn something in by midnight on September 15. I will turn it in at 12:59. (or If don't think the email will be checked until 8 am - I might send it in at 7:30 am). I need this pressure. I work under this pressure. I work when there is pressure. When there is no pressure everything is amorphous and I end up procrastinating.

Alright now that I've spent an extra 15 minutes writing this I will go back to my work.

On another note - I am going to Lugano this weekend. For this conference. (sorry it's only in French, German and Italian). I am looking forward to getting a taste of Swiss Politics. I haven't really learned much yet about what is going on here in the political realm. I can't even tell you the Prime Minister or President of Switzerland. (the wikipedia article I linked actually tells me that Switzerland doesn't have a Prime Minister or a President, in the traditional sense of the word). Interesting....

Done procrastinating!

Sleepy Time

It's 1 am on Sunday morning and instead of sleeping, which is what I thought I wanted to do, I am writing in this blog. Sorry this week has been a little slow on posts. Due to fighting a cold and the massive amounts of work that I am piling on myself I have not had time to write anymore.

My work seems overwhelming. I am working on publishing the Centennial Edition of Student World. The work is currently slow and tedious. I know it will turn out well, but right now I just feel very unmotivated. I also think there is more work than I know what to do with - but I hope that will pass.

I am also getting more and more excited about my video project that I'm working on. Luckily, I am staying here in Geneva to finish it. I really hope it goes well. I am currently writing a Bible Study for this project. I've never written a Bible Study. I have led Bible Studies many times, but I have never written one for others to lead. This task is daunting. I am really putting myself out there. I will put my opinion and interpretation on the internet(s) for people that I have never met, and probably never will meet, to use as a model for their discussion around the Bible, this most holy text. Who am I to try and help people understand the Bible? I have no official training. I have only my experiences. I've found that often when I was leading Bible Studies (during my college years oh so long ago) that I what I planned would not be where we would go. Or that the insight that I got from the people I was studying with was so much deeper than anything I could have come up with on my own. It is daunting for me to take this Bible Study and say that I have expertise to tell others how to interpret the Bible. However, since we believe in a priesthood of all believers, perhaps I do have the expertise. Perhaps I should trust that Holy Spirit can work through my imperfect words and my imperfect thoughts.

I am just feeling a little overwhelmed with all the tasks I have to do. Next week will be a busy one.

On a positive note, I will get to go to Romania for the European Regional Conference in October. Very excited about that too!

Being home sick

I wrote yesterday on my facebook wall that I was "home sick." When I typed that phrase I meant to update people about my physical whereabouts. I was at my home here in Geneva and I was sick. I spent the day in bed trying to get better so that I could come to work today. I did not mean that phrase in the metaphorical sense where I am mentally anguished because I am missing my home (Austin, TX). However, this day of being "home sick" did coincide with a friend of mine from Austin visiting Geneva. He came to Geneva on business and since he only had a meeting this afternoon we had dinner last night and we will have dinner again tonight.

I am home sick. I desperately want to go home. I will go home, just not yet. When I go home I will be ready. More than ready. Talking to my friend reminded me of all the good things, and all the not so good things that I have in Austin. It is this combination of great friends, an amazing church, complicated relationships and family that make Austin home. If everything were great it would not be "home." If everything were horrible I would not want to go back to that place. However, knowing that things are complicated but that I have a place there makes me even more anxious and excited to be heading back.

I have not ever experienced this before. I have been moving and leaving one life behind for a new adventure. I never had a plan to go back "home" after an adventure ended. I always thought I would move on to the next adventure - I'd always find the next exciting phase in my life. Now I have a home, I have found a place that I want to return to - this is all a new experience for me.

Yesterday I was home sick.

a quiet weekend full of good friends and good times

I had a rather rough week. It was a week of many decisions and many changes. I have t about it - but I want to have the post edited before I put it out there for the entire world to read. (Usually I just sort of type and go, which leads to typos, but also to a very honest, but also a very temporal picture of my feelings).

So I will post about my long weekend instead. This weekend I did not think about work. I did not do any work. I just relaxed. Thursday was a holiday here in Geneva (the Geneva fast). I also took Friday off. That means that as of today, Sunday, I have had four days to not work. I thought I might go to Lugano (the Italian part of Switzerland). Then I got less ambitious and thought maybe I'd go to Bern (in the German part of Switzerland). Then I got even less ambitious and decided to just stay in Geneva. This meant I spent most of the weekend in bed with my computer watching Doctor Who. (Secretly I am a big science fiction nerd and Doctor who is one of my favorites). I also slept a lot. The earliest I woke up was on Friday when I got out of bed by 9, but that was only temporary, I crawled back under the covers at 10:30.

However, I also went out with friends most nights this week and I realized just how happy I am here in Geneva. I truly love my friends that I've made here. They are all so unique and interesting. We are all foreigners passing a moment of our lives here in Geneva. We have nothing in common except for this fact - yet somehow that is enough for us to form these lasting friendships. I am confident that many of these friends will be friends for life. (The people I met while studying abroad or living in Paris or taking a winter class in South Africa are of the same caliber). It is interesting how having to decide to stay in a place or leave a place makes you grateful for you what you have.

I am very excited about going back to Texas eventually, but I am glad it is not yet. Also, this moment cannot and will not last forever. We are all travelers here - none of us are planning to stay in Geneva forever. To try and take this moment and make it last longer would be foolish and ruin it - but to just enjoy the friends that I've made here is what I am doing. I am trying to live in the moment that I have and not worry about what the future will bring - although that is much easier now that I have a more clear picture of what that future will look like.

A Beautiful Weekend

This weekend I went to Zermatt. Zermatt is a small town in the German part of Switzerland where one gets the best view of the Matterhorn. It's the Toblerone Mountain.

The whole trip was incredible. We left about 8 am and took the train for a little more than three hours. We arrived around 12. Lunch - traditional Swiss Rosti. Then off to the mountain. We took the Cable Car up. It took about 50 minutes to get all the way to the top. We were not actually climbing the Matterhorn, but the smaller Matterhorn. That is where you get the best view of said mountain.

Even as we were approaching it was magnificent. I have never seen that much snow at one time. I thought the glacier was the side of the mountain. Seeing something that big was almost overwhelming - but it was more awe inspiring.

The top of the Mountain was incredible. All around me was a sea of mountains. Every way I looked I saw the peaks, covered in snow. There was nothing but beautiful mountains. The mountains are rugged and unforgiving. They are majestic and awe inspiring. It made me realize just how little and insignificant our short lives are. It made me think about the geological time that these mountains represent. It made me simply look and see the magnificent creation in front of me.

Switzerland is a beautiful country. I am glad that I live here.

Reflections on an unexpected night...

I wrote the first part of this post about 1 am just after the incident I describe below. The rest I finished today.


I spent three amazing days in Edinburgh, and now I am in London.

I got back from Brighton and I was tired. All I really wanted to do was sleep, but then I saw an empty pizza box and I thought... one pizza before bed won't do any harm. So off I went with my friend to the corner store, Chick-a-Chicken. It is down a dark alleyway an then around the corner, a thirty second walk from her house.

We walk into the neon lights with the pleasant smell of marijuana greeting us. There are two other customers: a young girl, maybe 17, and a man in his 30's. She was pretty with her platform shoes taking up the seat next to her. He was not nearly as pretty as her, maybe half his teeth missing. They were engaged in a loud conversation.

Can I get a pizza.
Two pounds.
Cheers.

My friend ordered her chips with vinegar. (that is fries to my American friends). We waited. The discussion was becoming more heated behind us.

You got a big mouth. That mouth gonna get you slapped one day.

Silence.

You heard me? You got a big mouth and someone needs to slap it.

Shut up.

You need to watch your mouth. Someone's gonna kill you.

I felt powerless. I did not know what to do. I just tried to sink into the background and not get involved. I tried to excuse myself of responsibility for the situation I was witnessing. It's normal, after all, to see intoxicated men verbally abusing women. I don't know how many times I've seen a similar scene in Chicago or in bars that I have been to.

My friend, however, would not let herself be powerless. Her first tactic was engaging the girl in conversation. She attempted to talk to her. Begin with simple conversation. That did not work. I stood next to her, but still kept silent. Feeling like it's not my business. The store clerk tried to kick the man out. We tried to engage with the girl to change her focus. Nothing seemed to work.

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna show you what kind of trouble your mouth gets you into. I bet you are a whore. I'll show you what happens to girls like you.


At this point my friend made a bold move. She turned and faced the man.

That is threatening speech. You do not have the right to talk to this young woman like that. I am going to call the police. You cannot incite violence like this, it's not legal.

She called the police. She stepped outside of the store and gave them the address and the man's description. She was not merely threatening, she carried through on her threats. While she was talking on the phone the man did leave the store. However, he remained on the block. In about three minutes a young, white police officer showed up. He said his colleagues had apprehended the man and were holding him just down the street. He took the name of the girl. He asked her what had happened. He stayed for a few minutes, making sure there was no physical injury.

A few minutes later another gentleman walked into the store.

Thank you for calling the police. When that guy is drunk he just doesn't know what he's doing. You can't ever tell with him. He doesn't have the right to treat you like that. I am glad you called the police on him.

It was refreshing to hear a voice like that - to hear a man say that women have the right to stand up for themselves. We have the right to say no - to say I am better than that. I deserve to be treated with respect and not as your object of sexual obsession. I deserve to be treated as the human being that I am, created in the image of God. If you do not treat me that way I do not have to take it. I can call on the police. Luckily, we were in a country that does respect women's rights.

Yet, I still feel powerless. I would not have had the courage to do what my friend did. I would not have had the guts to actually call the police. I would have sat quietly in the corner until I got my pizza and then I would have left. What would it have taken for me to act? Would she have had to be getting physically attacked? If he had started being violent towards me? Towards someone I knew? What would it have taken for me to act? I like to talk tough, but actually being in a situation of violence (verbal or physical) is completely different. I hope and pray that next time, and there will be a next time, I will have the courage to act as my friend did.

Work and Rest

I just got back on Monday night, then Tuesday morning I came into work. I have not had much time to rest.

I realize that when I post on this blog people actually read it. I know I've mentioned this before. Once again I failed to post and, not surprisingly, my total readership has gone down. Basically, the principle is that if you build it they will come. (I feel like I'm not the first to have said that... ;)

I think this relates to my spiritual life. I keep on expecting God to tell me what I should do next. Should I go back to Texas? Should I stay here in Geneva? Should I go and study Spanish? Should I go somewhere else? Should I go and live at Taize forever? I am expecting the answer to fall into my lap. I am forgetting the key part of a conversation, listening. Talking is an important part of any dialogue, but equally important is listening. Listening to see if God is telling me something that I am perhaps not willing to hear. Listening to see if God is telling me something that I want to hear. Listening to see what God is telling me. Listening. It is a key part that I am forgetting sometimes. I am so busy trying to hear and find out what path God is laying for me that I forget to listen. I forget to just sit and be. Just sit. My blogs are related to this because if I simply posted more than more people would come and read them. If I simply spent more time listening then perhaps I could begin to hear.

As Jesus often says, "Those who have ears to hear, listen."

I suppose I am looking for a balance between work and rest.

Travels and other assorted things...

Travels. I have officially started my vacation. While I took a month off of work - studying French 10 hours a day is not really vacation. On Friday my French class ended, surreptitiously with a picnic in the rain in Parc de Bastions. Then off to the airport. My friends from class accompanied me to the airport to say goodbye and give me one last bisous before we all left to go back to our own countries. I landed about 7 pm in Manchester where my brother and cousin were waiting to meet me. My brother married a nice English lady and now they live in her hometown with their son who is 7. My oldest nephew, so far his favourite game has been pretending to be King Arthur and beating me up with a sword. My cousin, who is 14, is spending this summer with them to get an international experience. (In my family after you've turned 14 you need to get some kind of independent, international experience... I was sent to India and Taiwan for six and two weeks respectively with my two cousins who were 12 and 13).

Saturday was Liverpool. We saw the Beatles Museum and Abbey Road. No one told us that Abbey Road was in London... so we printed off directions to Abbey Road, in Liverpool. After driving around in circles for about 30 minutes we finally found it. It is only about a block long.. and then someone said - oh.. right Abbey Road is in London. ;) We also ate at a French Restaurant.... Go figure.

Sunday was Church and then hiking around here (in the rain - which I was told was British sunshine since it was only sprinkling). Then tonight I'm off to Edinburgh.

But I have also been thinking about things. As my last post evidenced I have been a bit stressed about what I will do next. I finally put in one job application! I also need to just relax. I say I'm a person with faith in God, but then I stress and worry and panic and think that nothing will work out - when I know from experience and from the Bible that God ALWAYS provides abundantly. Two examples - First, I was quite stressed about how I was going to pay for this trip, but it all worked out and I have more than enough money now. Second, my friend who I'm staying with in Edinburgh hadn't got in touch with me since I booked my tickets. I was worried that if she didn't get in touch with I wouldn't have a place to stay in Edinburgh and because it's the middle of the Festival I wouldn't be able to find a hostel and I'd end up sleeping on the street. However, I simply emailed her my phone number and she got in touch with me immediately. Simple - yet I stress and worry and imagine all the worst things possible. I need to trust. This is going back to my future plans. I need to trust that wherever I am, whatever happens God will provide for me abundantly. (This does not mean that I do not need to work too - only I need to be open to God's work too). I am trying to remember that. I suppose that is what it means to have faith - to be open to God's possibilities in our lives and try and remember that we are not the ones that make things happen, but God.

Stress

Dealing with stress is not exactly my forte. My preference is just to hope things sort themselves out. Similarly, even though I will be unemployed relatively shortly I have not yet begun a serious job search. (If anyone that reads this blog has any leads, anywhere, please let me know). I am not really sure what I want to do and I'm not sure that I want to say goodbye to Geneva. It's like if I start looking for a job I am really saying that this phase of my life in Geneva is over. It's like I'm not fully valuing my presence here by thinking about what I will do next.

Although I have not looked for a job that has not stopped me from stressing about it. Everyone asks me, "So.. what's next?" My honest response is "Wherever the wind blows me." I am confronted with this question at least 5 times a day. Every time I wince a little inside as I am reminded that I do not know where I will be or what I will be doing in just over a month. It makes me nervous, it makes me stressed, it makes me fidgety. I suppose I could just say I'll depend on God - which is probably the "good Christian" response. But yet I know that I cannot depend on God without doing any work myself. But... I still haven't started looking at anything seriously.

Some day soon.. Some day soon.....

Back from France..

So I was only in two countries this weekend. (We thought about hopping in Germany just to say we had been in three.. but decided against it). We ended up in Mulhouse, France. There's really not anything there. No one bothered to tell us, until we were there, that the 15th of August is a holiday. Of course it is... right the 15 of August... It's Ascension Day.. I think.

We arrived and thanks to Couchurfing.com a guy from Mulhouse took us in for the night. It was a very good evening, involving good food, good wine, good cheese, good company, good beer, good jazz and good rum. Not in that order.

Sunday I walked around Mulhouse a bit and went to the Temple. Mulhouse, as we learned, is the only French City that does not have a Cathedral in it's central square. It has a Temple, which is the French word for a Protestant Cathedral. Apparently Mulhouse, is reformed. Sunday morning, I happened to be up and by the Church while the service was beginning. The music attracted me. So I went in. It is a beautiful church. As I walked in the pastor was just beginning his sermon.

His sermon was very moving. His main point was that when we try to analyze and understand the Bible we often miss the point. The Bible can be analyzed, but to have faith you have to accept and just wait with the Bible. It's not a question of head knowledge, but of heart knowledge. It's not a question of following all the rules, but it's a question of love. When we try to take the Bible and create rules and regulations based on the "clear" laws we end up creating a religion of death, not a religion of life. His story to illustrate this point is the passage in Luke where Jesus says something about entering through a narrow gate and following a narrow path. (I think). The pastor pointed out that this passage has been used, and still is used, by many Christians to condemn others. It has been used as a justification for moral snobbery. It has been used to make religion into a religion of death. Instead, he proposes that this path be read in an individualistic sense. Jesus is telling us that the path and the door for our own salvation is narrow because it is only big enough for us. We are individually saved. We cannot worry about the salvation of anyone else. Therefore our path is narrow, just wide enough for us. We should not look right or look left to see who else is saved, instead we must only follow our path. (I think this could be taken to an extreme position of not caring about the rest of the world - but he said that entering through the gate was only the beginning - the rebirth if you will.... so after you go through the gate things are different.. metaphorically of course).

Personally, I think I have been trying to analyze too much. I have been trying to fit God into my little box of what I can understand instead of just being with God and with God's Word, the Bible (or Jesus). I pray that I can spend more time just being.

It's Saturday morning...

It's Saturday morning, a little after 9 am, and I am leaving on a road trip (destination still undecided) in a little less than an hour.

Last night was my going away party from work. For those of you that don't know, I am leaving WSCF at the end of September. It was also a welcoming party. We have a new Accountant. I am realizing that I need to invest in the relationships here in Geneva that are important to me. I only have a month or so before things will be completely different. During this month I need to take advantage of the fact that I am still here. I don't think this means that I need to be all sad or sentimental (yet) but I do need to just take every opportunity I get to focus on people. People are what count in this world.

I was just reading this blog. The author talks about how what the Church really needs is mentors. I agree partly, but I think authentic relationships are perhaps a better way to describe what is lacking in our Churches. We need people that are willing to celebrate with us when things are wonderful, that are willing to cry with us when things are hard, that are willing to pray with us always, that are willing to challenge us when we are wayward. We need people that are willing to get involved in our messy lives. We all have messy lives; we've all done things we're not proud of; we've all needed a friend and mentor. The Church could be the place where we find that, but often the Church is where we find people who have it all together. People that want to show how little they need other people. When we don't see think we need other people, perhaps we don't think we need God. I am writing this because this is a trap I often fall into - I forget that I need God and other people. I forget that I cannot do this alone. If Churches could be places where people learn to be with each other and pray with each other than I think Churches would see that they are relevant and that they can and do make a difference. As long as Churches continue to be exclusive for the "saved", they will continue pushing away people that recognize their own need for authentic, mysterious, community.

Spontaneity helps too! That's why we haven't decided where we're going on our road trip yet!