Reflections on an unexpected night...

I wrote the first part of this post about 1 am just after the incident I describe below. The rest I finished today.


I spent three amazing days in Edinburgh, and now I am in London.

I got back from Brighton and I was tired. All I really wanted to do was sleep, but then I saw an empty pizza box and I thought... one pizza before bed won't do any harm. So off I went with my friend to the corner store, Chick-a-Chicken. It is down a dark alleyway an then around the corner, a thirty second walk from her house.

We walk into the neon lights with the pleasant smell of marijuana greeting us. There are two other customers: a young girl, maybe 17, and a man in his 30's. She was pretty with her platform shoes taking up the seat next to her. He was not nearly as pretty as her, maybe half his teeth missing. They were engaged in a loud conversation.

Can I get a pizza.
Two pounds.
Cheers.

My friend ordered her chips with vinegar. (that is fries to my American friends). We waited. The discussion was becoming more heated behind us.

You got a big mouth. That mouth gonna get you slapped one day.

Silence.

You heard me? You got a big mouth and someone needs to slap it.

Shut up.

You need to watch your mouth. Someone's gonna kill you.

I felt powerless. I did not know what to do. I just tried to sink into the background and not get involved. I tried to excuse myself of responsibility for the situation I was witnessing. It's normal, after all, to see intoxicated men verbally abusing women. I don't know how many times I've seen a similar scene in Chicago or in bars that I have been to.

My friend, however, would not let herself be powerless. Her first tactic was engaging the girl in conversation. She attempted to talk to her. Begin with simple conversation. That did not work. I stood next to her, but still kept silent. Feeling like it's not my business. The store clerk tried to kick the man out. We tried to engage with the girl to change her focus. Nothing seemed to work.

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna show you what kind of trouble your mouth gets you into. I bet you are a whore. I'll show you what happens to girls like you.


At this point my friend made a bold move. She turned and faced the man.

That is threatening speech. You do not have the right to talk to this young woman like that. I am going to call the police. You cannot incite violence like this, it's not legal.

She called the police. She stepped outside of the store and gave them the address and the man's description. She was not merely threatening, she carried through on her threats. While she was talking on the phone the man did leave the store. However, he remained on the block. In about three minutes a young, white police officer showed up. He said his colleagues had apprehended the man and were holding him just down the street. He took the name of the girl. He asked her what had happened. He stayed for a few minutes, making sure there was no physical injury.

A few minutes later another gentleman walked into the store.

Thank you for calling the police. When that guy is drunk he just doesn't know what he's doing. You can't ever tell with him. He doesn't have the right to treat you like that. I am glad you called the police on him.

It was refreshing to hear a voice like that - to hear a man say that women have the right to stand up for themselves. We have the right to say no - to say I am better than that. I deserve to be treated with respect and not as your object of sexual obsession. I deserve to be treated as the human being that I am, created in the image of God. If you do not treat me that way I do not have to take it. I can call on the police. Luckily, we were in a country that does respect women's rights.

Yet, I still feel powerless. I would not have had the courage to do what my friend did. I would not have had the guts to actually call the police. I would have sat quietly in the corner until I got my pizza and then I would have left. What would it have taken for me to act? Would she have had to be getting physically attacked? If he had started being violent towards me? Towards someone I knew? What would it have taken for me to act? I like to talk tough, but actually being in a situation of violence (verbal or physical) is completely different. I hope and pray that next time, and there will be a next time, I will have the courage to act as my friend did.