Reflections on Taize.

I promised a post about inter-cultural dialogue. I am going to work on that some and then post later. Right now I am going to post some reflections I wrote about Taize.

Taize is a place that I see as holy. When I went with the WCC interns to Taize it was my fourth trip to that place and their first. I arrived there thinking I knew what to expect; but you can never know what will happen when you encounter the holy.

I was expecting our Bible Study to be a dynamic source of inspiration and new friendships; I was expecting to be moved during the prayer time; I was expecting to relax. Instead I found the Bible Study we attended tedious and poorly planned. I did not form any deep relationships with people I did not already know. I worked at Casa to welcome people; I found my work stressing because it was a large chunk of time and all in my second language.

Yet, I did encounter the holy. I encountered the holy through a young, rude German. I encountered my own challenges and prejudices. I encountered my own limitations. I encountered God as living and real. I saw the Church as bigger than I want it to be or than I am comfortable with it being.

On our first day in Taize I decided to skip mid-day prayer to play cards with my friends. This is not like me, I always go to Church; I always do the “right” thing. I decided that this one time, I would be the rebel - I would play hookie. I felt slightly guilty about it. We sat in the middle of Taize and played cards. There were a few people preparing the lunch we would eat after prayer. The bells rang;

“Can you hear the bells?” asked the young man.

“Yes, of course.” We continued to play cards; we were the last ones left except for this young German who was preparing for lunch. I still had that small ball of guilt in my stomach.

“You know it’s time for prayer. You really should go to prayer.”

“Okay.”

“After all, you should have come to Taize to pray.”

We got up and began to walk in the direction of the Church. After being chastised for not being holy enough I would have gone to prayer. I need others to see that I am holy; perhaps even holier than they are. However, my friend’s reaction was completely different. He was quite upset with the young German. “How could he tell us why we came to Taize? What did he think he would accomplish by telling us to go to Church? Does he really think we’ll go to church now? Of course we’re not going to go to Church now!” In my effort to be liked and seen as part of the “group” I agreed. But in my heart I was thinking, actually I probably would have gone to Church. I probably would have said the same things that German said. I would have told people they have to go to Church. Church is an obligation that we have to fulfill. In my head, I know that this is not true; yet, I act as if it is.

Last year one of my cousins told me, “God doesn’t care if you go to Church or not.” I knew he was correct, because God is not concerned with keeping up appearances, like going to Church every Sunday; God is concerned with our heart and our every day actions. Yet in my heart, I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to tell him that of course God cares if we go to Church. God cares that I go to Church more often than all my friends. God cares that I am active in my Church. God cares that I have read the entire Bible. God loves me more than others because I have done and do all these things. That’s simply not true. That is a very tempting lie that I had begun to believe. Arriving in Geneva, I thought I had put all of this behind me. Yet, at Taize, God would not let me forget my desire to prove my worth. God will not let me think I am better than others. God loves me because of who God is, not because of who I am. God is reminding me of God’s holiness and my utter lack of holiness.

As I struggled with this reality and with my own inadequacy there was another moment where I realized that not only does God love me despite my desire to prove that I am worth it, God also loves that German man that I often referred to in words that were not so polite. God loves both of us equally. We are called to love each other; to be in communion with each other.

My second day in Taize I went to the Morning Prayer and as is my habit I took the protestant Communion. The Catholic Communion is served by brothers, but the Protestant Communion is always served by long term volunteers. I was lost in the song as I approached the men holding the plate and cup.

“Bread of Life”

“Amen”

“Blood of Christ”

“Amen”

At that moment I realized I had just taken the chalice from the German man that yesterday had told me to go to Church. I looked into his eyes. We were both there struggling to be the united Body of Christ. We were both there, together, loved by God. God loves him. God loves me. God calls me to love him as well.

I did not get what I expected at Taize. Instead I encountered the Holy in a new way. In my effort to prove myself I realized just how great God is and how far I have to go. In my effort to be exclusive I realized just how inclusive God is. Just as I began to think I can define God, God’s holiness changes my world and makes me realize just how little I know. Taize is a holy place for me.