Overcoming Fear

I finally called Wilma today. She is one of the priests at All Saints in Pasadena. That's the church I went to while I was in college. I would say that I gained some key understandings of faith and actions while I was there. I dearly love that church. I had been shy about calling her because, sadly, we had fallen out touch the past few years. I hate calling someone only when you need money or something else from them. I am glad that I called her, though. I left her a message so hopefully she will call me back soon. It is also good to overcome my fear. My fears of being rejected and my fears of being seen as mercenary. It's done.

Last night I received another gift. My very generous brother and sister-in-law gave me a computer! Many of you may know that I did not have a laptop of my own. Now I do! I am very, very thankful to them. This will make my travel and work much easier. I am so grateful and excited about it.

Yesterday while at work I had a very interesting conversation with one of my regulars. We always have very enlightening conversations. Yesterday we were talking about self-image and how we see ourselves. I started sharing some of my doubts about this upcoming trip and my ability to succeed. Some of my doubts about God providing for me. He very cleverly asked me, "When has God ever let you down?" Of course the answer is "Never." It's true, I can't think of a single time when I have ever been "let down" by God. Then my friend went on to list all the things that I've been given during the course of my preparation for this endeavor: an airplane ticket, a computer, $5,000.00, free housing here in Austin so that I can save money, and love and prayers from so many people. Then he asked "What more could you want?" And without thinking, I said "Housing would be nice." That's when my friend told me, "God thinks you're high maintenance." It was in jest, or course. I've been thinking about this, though. God gives me so much and yet I'm still wanting more. Even when I recognize all the things that I've been given I say to myself, "I need $10,000 and then I won't have to worry about anything." or "If I had housing provided I could make it all year in Geneva." I have so many things in my mind that I NEED. I won't have them before I go. God laughs when we make plans.