Unknowns

I know very little about what I am preparing to do. I know very little about how I will do it. This is nerve racking. I am feeling very stressed by these unknowns. I am feeling uncertain.

Things I do NOT know

• My Date of Departure
• Where I will live permanently once I arrive*
• How I will afford to live there
• How long I will stay
• How much money I will need to live there
• If my visa will be approved (or not)
• What exactly I will be doing
• Who I will meet**
  
• How I will change as a person**

* I will book a room at a Youth Hostel for a month when I arrive, and I could stay there permanently, but I would like a "real" place.
** You never know how you will change or who you will meet - so me not knowing these things is normal and expected. I am just feeling sorry for myself and want to make this list longer, really.

Things I DO know

• I am moving to Geneva, Switzerland to work with the World Student Christian Federation as the Communications Intern
• With God's help, I will do this.
  

That's it. I don't know anything else. I suppose I know the most important things and the other things are merely details. Right now I am feeling down on myself, so I have to keep on reminding myself that the details are not important. I have to remind myself of a verse in the Bible. Matthew 6:25-34

That is why I am telling you not to worry about your life and what you are to eat, nor about your body and what you are to wear. Surely life is more than food, and the body more than clothing! ²⁶ Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap or gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they are? ²⁷ Can any of you, however much you worry, add one single cubit to your span of life? ²⁸ And why worry about clothing? Think of the flowers growing in the fields; they never have to work or spin; ²⁹ yet I assure you that not even Solomon in all his royal robes was clothed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if that is how God clothes the wild flowers growing in the field which are there today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, will he not much more look after you, you who have so little faith? ³¹ So do not worry; do not say, "What are we to eat? What are we to drink? What are we to wear?" ³² It is the gentiles who set their hearts on all these things. Your heavenly Father knows you need them all. ³³ Set your hearts on his kingdom first, and on God's saving justice, and all these other things will be given you as well. ³⁴ So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'


I have some thoughts on these. I will formalize them more and then maybe post them tomorrow. For now - this is what I'm thinking about.

A Busy Weekend

This weekend was very busy. I did not do much (any?) fundraising. A friend of mine from high school was visiting, so I went out with him the whole weekend. That meant many late nights. On Sunday afternoon I did have an interview with a woman from the Episcopal Young Adult's office. She is collecting interviews with young Episcopal leaders. Somehow, she got my name. So we talked for about forty five minutes. It was really good to talk to her. I just sort of told her my story, who I am and how I have gotten to be this person. As I told her about my life I saw a theme emerge. This theme was the theme of reconciliation. I am drawn deeply to reconcile conflict - to help people see the other side of the argument. I really love working with people to create compromises and peace. I am glad that I had the chance to talk with her and see that about myself. It is refreshing because it makes me feel better about what I am preparing to do. I also had coffee with a friend from Church this weekend. We talked about fundraising and love and God and society. One of the things that I talked about with her was the fact that I try to live my life out of a place of love. God loves us because of who God is, not because of who we are or what we do. In society we are taught to believe that our worth is in outward things not in our being, in our soul. God and Christ teach us differently. I try to believe that and I also try to act out of that belief.

I also got an email from my Grandmother telling me that she pledged $100.00 to me! That means that I now have just over $1,000.00! (I also managed to add $112.00 of my own money this past week!)

I have been contemplating tithing. I already take aside 10% of what I earn and for my first few months at St. James I was giving them the money directly. For the past two months I have put that money into my savings toward this trip. However, I am wondering if I will instead continue to give my tithe to St. James'. I think I will. Even though I am desperately looking for money and praying I think that it will be good for me to continue to give away at least 10% of my income. Hopefully this way I can show myself that I am truly trusting in God to provide for me.

My Budget

I have been thinking about posting my budget up here. I am weird about money. Very weird. I think all of us are strange about money. It is VERY difficult to have a healthy relationship with money. Most of either obsess over it; or save it by denying ourselves luxuries (or even basic goods); or see ourselves as valued by how much money we have. I do all three. One reason I am hesitant to put my budget up here is because it makes me vulnerable. Everyone will know how much money I have. I need to enter into this adventure in Geneva with God with faith that money is not defining me. That no matter how much (or how little) money I raise a pathway will be found for me to follow God's will. So with that I am going to post a copy of my budget. Then I'll tell you how much of that I have raised.

Monthly Expenses (approximate) (Units in parentheses are USD otherwise they are Swiss francs)


Groceries $400.00 ($344.00)
Rent (Shared apartment) $650.00 ($559.00)
Lunch at work (10.00/day - 1 day/week) $50.00 ($43.00)
Eating out (2x/month) $60.00 ($51.60)
Laundry $30.00 ($25.80)
Transportation (monthly pass for adult) $70.00 ($60.20)
Telephone (Cell Phone) $30.00 ($25.80)
Internet (cyber café) and email $35.00 ($30.10)
(average of 5 CHF/hour)
Personal expenses $70.00 ($60.20)
(haircuts, contact lenses, etc.)
Entertainment $175.00 ($150.50)
Movies (15 CHF / person)$15.00
Books, CDs, Newspapers $20.00
Going out $50.00
Skiing/Travel (90 CHF, 1x/month)
$90.00
Total/Month $1,570.00 ($1,350.20)

Total/Year $18,840.00 ($16,202.40)

One Time Expenses (all in USD)
Airfare $0.00
Health Insurance $2,000.00
Computer $0.00
Visa $75.00
Total $2,075.00

Grand Total in USD $18,277.40


So that's it - that is the budget I am trying to fulfill. This is a version of the budget that the WSCF offices sent me when I was first considering applying for the job. I used today's exchange rate to calculate how much money in USD that I will need. I have paired the budget down some from what they suggested.

I was promised an airline ticket from a woman at church - hence the zero cost of my plane ticket. The good people that the WSCF office in Geneva have said there is a computer that I can use there, so I do not have to buy my own computer. This my budget.

I currently have $902.00. I might have more, but I need to check with the New York WSCF office to see if they have received any checks and I need to talk to Jeff at St. James to see how much money we collected last week. I am hoping to meet with him sometime this week.

I am now totally honest with everyone. I will hope to make one of those little charts that can show you how much I have and how much I need. I'll talk to my cousin, the computer genius, and see if he can help me do that. If so there will be a daily (or so) update of how much money I have raised.

I also want to thank one of my regulars at work, Linda. She gave me a beautiful sweater to keep me warm in Geneva. I am so touched by the gifts that people are giving me.

What I said at Church on Sunday

Good Morning. My name is Maryann Philbrook and I am an active member of six o'clock service.

I am here today to offer you an opportunity as the members of St. James to partner with me and with the World Student Christian Federation. I was recently offered an unpaid one year internship at their inter-regional office in Geneva. Founded in 1895, the WSCF is a collection of Student Christian Movements at college campuses around the world. At their General Assembly this past summer in Montreal the WSCF incorporated four new national movements from East Timor, Brazil, Mexico and Iraq. This brings their total to 105 around the world. The WSCF's mission statement is :

“The WSCF is a global community of Student Christian Movements committed to dialogue, ecumenism, social justice and peace. Our mission is to empower students in critical thinking and constructive transformation of our world by being a space for prayer and celebration, theological reflection, study and analysis of social and cultural processes and solidarity and action across boundaries of culture, gender and ethnicity. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, the WSCF is called to be a prophetic witness in church and society. This vision is nurtured by a radical hope for God's reign in history"

I am very excited to be a part of this movement.

I feel that working with the WSCF is my next step in personal, professional and spiritual growth. When I come back to St. James after my one year in Geneva I am planning to enter the discernment process to see if I am in indeed called to minister as an ordained priest. I am hopeful and prayerful that this upcoming year in Geneva will give me clarity as well as practical experience.

I am here today because the World Student Christian Federation's mission is closely aligned with the mission of St. James Church in Austin. There is not much more diversity than an organization that works on every continent except Antarctica. The work that WSCF does raises up future Christian leaders around the world who know the importance of diversity and social justice. I am hoping that through this partnership between, myself, St. James and the WSCF we can continue to expand the mission and influence of St. James Austin way beyond the boundaries of Austin, Texas and even the United States.

I am asking first and foremost for your prayers of support during my year in Geneva. I am also asking for monetary and in-kind donations. If you can, today make a check out to St. James and mark it for the “Rector's discretionary fund for Maryann”. Then Jeff will make sure that I get the money to help me get over to Geneva and support me while I am there. Please also consider making monthly contributions to support me during my year. I will be around after the service. Don't hesitate to talk to me. I have letters that I can give that explain in more depth what I am doing and why I am doing it. I will also have a sign up list if anyone wants to receive periodic emails from me. I also have a blog. Maryanningeneva.blogspot.com I update that every few days.

Thank you for everything you do. I appreciate any and all support that you can give me.

Politics is applied Religion

I went to church a lot yesterday. I was at all three services. Each was special; each was different; each was a blessing. I heard the sermon three times. Each time it was slightly different. I am glad I got to hear it all three times. It made me remember again why it is so important that my church agree with my theology as well as my politics. I cannot separate the two. My theology informs my politics and my politics inform my theology. I am glad that I have found St. James here in Austin where I can voice my opinion both theologically and politically. I pray that the people who disagree with me at St. James feel that they can also voice their opinion.

We must pray for those that hate us. We must pray for those that disagree with us. We must learn what it means to love our enemies. I try and fail to do this every day. I hope that if I begin to pray that I will begin to learn what it means to love those who hate me. However, this also means that I will have people who hate me. I cannot be loved by everyone. While this seems clear, I often try to please everyone, try to make everyone like me. If I am called to love those who hate me it also means that I am called to act in such a way that people will hate me. I hope and pray that I will have the confidence and faith to make the tough decisions that might upset some but bring the arc of history closer to justice for all.

This is all an aside, really. I wanted to tell everyone how my fundraising went yesterday at St. James. I am not sure how much monetary donations I received yet, but I will find that out later this week. I did receive some immediate support. About 15 people signed up to receive emails from me. I also had an offer of frequent flier miles to help me get to Geneva! I am feeling much closer to actually getting there. I also met with some people from St. David's today. I am hoping that I can find support from them too. At least people know what I am doing and hopefully they will be praying. Prayer is how I will get to Geneva.

Preparing for Sunday.

I have not posted since I got my letter mailed on Monday. I worked very hard last week to make sure that letter got done, so this week I have just been doing some follow up work. I mailed out a few more letters on Tuesday. I also had my cousin and his girlfriend visiting, so I was busy with them as well as my usual working 40 hours a week.

On Wednesday I went to Conroe, TX to visit one of my cousins and to drop off my other cousin and his girlfriend at the Houston Airport. It was nice to get out of Austin for a while and visit with family. My cousin and his wife have a very cute little 4 year old girl. Seeing little kids is always fun. They are so lively and creative.

Tomorrow, Sunday, I am planning to go to all the services at my church, St. James Episcopal. I have never gone before so many people and asked for money. I recently read an article by Henri Nouwen about fundraising. (If anyone wants a copy of it, please let me know, I can forward it to you.) This article was very helpful because it gave me a way to frame fundraising. He talks about fundraising as a ministry just as important as other ministries. It is hard to see asking for money in that way. When we see fundraising as a way of helping people share in our mission while allowing them to expand their influence and their heart. I am using "heart" in this sense as a word to express the ability that God has to bring people together from all across the world. The people who support me here in Austin will never meet the people that I will work with in Geneva or in Zimbabwe or in Russia, but they can learn to love them. It is this love that I am expanding by asking them to partner with me. If I can view my fundraising like that then when I am asking for money I am doing this for their benefit. Hopefully I can begin to see my fundraising like this. When I see fundraising like this then prayer is just as valuable as money. How much money people give me is much less valuable than the fact they give me a piece of themselves. Currently I am still praying that I can expand my own heart in relation to the people I am asking money from and the people with whom I will be working.

I have my speech ready. I plan to get a good night's sleep tonight before I go to the 8am service tomorrow morning. Three Church services in one day. I am hoping I make it through to the end of it. Pray for me.

Letter of Support

I have finished my letter. I'm going to mail it out soon. I was hoping to post it today, but that did not happen. So I will mail it first thing Monday afternoon. I am actually hoping to bring it with me to work on Monday morning and then stop at the post office on my way home! FYI: this letter contains the address to send Tax-Deductible contributions, but you can always donate with that pretty little button on the right ;)

With no further ado :

Dear Loved Ones,

I have been offered the opportunity to be the Communications Intern with the World Student Christian Federation (WSCF) in Geneva. At the beginning of my internship I am responsible for raising part of my own salary. I am asking you to partner with me and with the WSCF in the upcoming year.

Working with the WSCF is the next step in both my professional, personal and spiritual growth. I was raised in Baton Rouge where my family attended an Episcopal Church every Sunday. As I grew up my faith became an important part of what I did and who I was. At Occidental College in Los Angeles, I founded and was president of a group called Progressive Christians Uniting at Occidental. PCU at Occidental was the first college campus of a Los Angeles based organization of the same name. That year PCU at Occidental was very successful. We had weekly theological discussions and prayer with a small but consistent group. We also organized about twenty students to go to the Gulf Coast of Mississippi after Hurricane Katrina. It was also during my senior year in college that I remembered my childhood dream of being a priest. I considered going directly to seminary but decided instead to spend a few years considering discernment. In 2007 I spent a year as an Episcopal Urban Intern in Los Angeles. I lived in Inglewood, CA with five other interns and worked for a year at Hillsides Elementary with foster care youth. That year was transformative for me in many ways; I learned a lot about my faith and my expectations of myself and other people. Last year, in 2008, I went to France to teach English. Although I had studied French in college I had never really perfected it. Living in France was a great way for me work on the language as well as meet new people and learn about a different culture. I had an amazing year living in Cannes, France. After that I moved here to Austin, TX to be close to my family. All this time I was still considering starting the discernment process with the Episcopal Church. While living here I have felt the call even stronger to begin the discernment process, yet also I have a strong desire to move back to Europe. The position as the Communications Intern will allow me to combine my desire to live in Europe as well as work with an ecumenical multi-cultural church organization. Although I have never had direct experience with the WSCF, I can see that the work they do is in line with the work that I want to be doing. I am confident that this year in Geneva will prepare me to begin seminary, if in fact I am called to be a priest.

The World Student Christian Federation (WSCF), founded in 1895, is a global federation of student Christian groups. (www.wscfglobal.org) WSCF is ecumenical, welcoming people from all Christian traditions and encouraging dialogue between students of different traditions. Students who join a Student Christian Movement (SCM) are encouraged to study their Christian faith and their world with the same depth and passion they bring to their studies. SCMs are renowned for their openness to searchers as well as believers and for a strong commitment to social justice.

WSCF has a clear mission statement :

"The WSCF is a global community of Student Christian Movements committed to dialogue, ecumenism, social justice and peace. Our mission is to empower students in critical thinking and constructive transformation of our world by being a space for prayer and celebration, theological reflection, study and analysis of social and cultural processes and solidarity and action across boundaries of culture, gender and ethnicity. Through the work of the Holy Spirit, the WSCF is called to be a prophetic witness in church and society. This vision is nurtured by a radical hope for God's reign in history"

I am excited to be a part of this vision and to be able to begin to embody this hope that I believe can and will change the world. This unrepeatable experience will be a chance for me to begin living in God's radical hope in a new way.

I am therefore asking you to support me in my work with WSCF. I am appreciative of anything and everything you can do for me. Currently I am in need of monetary support as well as other support in the form of prayers, a laptop and a plane ticket or even a sweater or two as Geneva will be much colder than Austin, TX. I am asking for donations. Please consider making a one time donation as well as supporting me every month during my intern year (February 2009 – January 2010). If you wish to sponsor me, please consider $50.00 or $25.00 a month. Tax-deductible contributions may be made payable to the U.S. Trustees of the WSCF and sent to the them. Their address is:

US Trustees of the WSCF

c/o Rev. Jorge Domingues

475 Riverside Drive, Room 1340,

New York, NY 10115.

Please make sure you mark the checks for the “Communications Intern”. The Trustees are a 501(c)(3) organization, and contributions are deductible to the full extent of the law.

I am planning to send out “snail mail” letters quarterly about what I am doing in Geneva. However, if you would like more frequent updates please check out my blog: www.maryanningeneva.blogspot.com . If you are interested, you can donate directly to me on my blog through PayPal. These donations are not tax deductible. There is a “Donate” button on my blog.

If you know of anyone that would be interested in learning about what I am doing with the WSCF, please feel free to pass on this letter and/or give me their name and address.

Thank you for all your support. I am truly appreciative.

In God's Grace and Peace,

Maryann Philbrook

Friday the 9th

Friday. Today is the beginning of the weekend for many people. For me, sadly, it is not. I work on many Saturdays, including tomorrow. This week I have been working full time at Flipnotic's as well as spending most of my "free" time working on this fundraising. I am tired. I am ready for my weekend. Luckily, I do have Sunday as my Sabbath. After I attended a conference in Houston for the Young Adult Leaders for the Diocese of Texas I have always made sure that I have at least one day a week off from work. Making sure that I have at least one day a week for rest is Biblical, but even more importantly than that it keeps me sane. If I tried to work this hard for more than six days I think I would literally go insane. I feel as if I am on the brink of insanity as it is. Although it might be insane to think that I can raise the money to go to Geneva and spend a year working there. It might be insane to think that I can just pick up and move across the country on a whim. It might be. However, I am willing to risk that type of insanity. On this Friday I am looking forward to what I have left in this month. Hopefully, if my visa comes, I will be leaving exactly one month from today. One month left to prepare myself mentally and physically and spiritually to be in Geneva working with the World Student Christian Federation. One month. That's it. Perhaps this is insanity. Insanity like this makes life fun. Aren't we supposed to have fun on the weekends?

Support from the Diocese of Texas!

I am excited to say that the Diocese of Texas has decided to support me during my time in Geneva by giving me $500.00. I am so grateful and happy that they have decided to work with me and with the WSCF in this way.

Two days ago, I had a conversation with my future boss in Geneva. That was the first time I'd spoken with him since my interview a few weeks ago. I was slightly nervous about our conversation; I was more nervous about my fundraising and my ability to actually go to Geneva in a month. During our conversation we talked about funding, my visa and my housing situation. I am feeling more confident that all of these will work themselves out as I prepare to go to Geneva.

I have now had two people support me. My first donation came from a good friend of mine who now lives in China. Her congratulations and check mean a lot to me. I am very excited about the possibility that I will actually raise enough money. Although what enough is seems to be a very unclear term.

My fundraising is still a priority for me, although I am feeling much more confident about it. In order to facilitate fundraising I have put a "Donate" button on this blog. It is located directly under my Profile. I am using PayPal to make this possible. However, this money goes directly to me, so it is NOT tax deductible. IF you would like to make a tax deductible donation, I will include those instructions in a future post later today (or tomorrow). My cousin Lloyd was very helpful in getting this little button on this webpage. I appreciate his help! He also helped me track who comes to this site. Thanks Lloyd!

I am in the final stages of my official support letter. I am hoping to mail that out tomorrow. I have all the information I need, I just need to edit it one final time.

This week has been a very busy one for me. I am still working about 40 hours a week and trying to do this fundraising. It has been a long time since I've actively done so much. I haven't had to work all that hard since college. I am enjoying it, although I remember how tired I was all during college and I now understand why. ;)

A busy and fulfilling week! I will put my letter on this blog as soon as I have it finalized. If you would like a snail mail copy of it please, please send me your address. I will include an envelope so that you can make donations to the WSCF Trustees in New York. That way your donations can be tax deductible.

I am feeling so blessed and loved right now. Thank you!

Better late than never.. right?

As promised, here is a copy of the email I sent out a few weeks ago:

Dearest Friends and Family,

It has been sometime since I wrote to you about what has been going on in my life. I could call this a Christmas letter, I could call this a New Year's letter - but I think I will call this letter an invitation. An invitation for you to learn more about my life, what I've done, what I'm doing and what I'm planning on doing. It's also an invitation for you to share with others what you are doing. I would love to receive an email from each of you telling me about your life.

So for starters, what I've done. I graduated from Occidental in May of 2006 with a degree in Politics. I decided to spend the year after I graduated participating in the Episcopal Urban Internship Program. I lived in Inglewood, Ca with five other people doing the same internship. I worked at Hillsides Education Center in Pasadena and worked with Special Needs Children. That year was a very difficult year, but I grew because of it. After that year I decided to take a vacation, so I moved to Cannes, France to teach English. I lived in France for 10 months working 12 hours a week. Needless to say I spent a lot of time at the beach and traveling. I managed to go to Madrid, Paris, Amsterdam, Munich and England. I did go to the Cannes Film Festival. I saw one movie that was in the "Director's Fortnight". I also improved my French tremendously while I was there. Although I am now back in the States, I have been looking for a way to move back to Europe. I will get to that later. ;)

As for what I'm doing. I am now living in Austin, TX. I am currently working at an amazing coffee shop called Flipnotic's. I really love my job there. I mostly work in the mornings with the "regulars". I know their names and their drinks. It feels like a place where everyone is valued. I am living with my Aunt and Uncle here with their two youngest sons. My brother and his wife also live here. They are expecting their first baby, Sir Philbrook, in February. When I'm not working, I spend my time with my family and friends. I've also started going to St. James' Episcopal Church here. It is the traditional Episcopal, African American Church here in Austin. I'm learning a new way of worship. I'm meeting new people. I've managed to become part of the 20/30 something group, the Voltrons. This church is really beginning to feel like home to me.

I have really grown to love Austin in the past few months, which is why it is sad, yet hopeful and exciting as I plan to move on in my life. I was offered and accepted a position with the World Student Christian Federation. (WSCF). I will be the WSCF Communications Intern in Geneva Switzerland! Although I am not sure exactly what the Communications Intern does, I have an idea from the job description and through my discussions with the current staff. The Communications Intern is responsible for editing many of the annual and semi-annual publications that WSCF puts out. I will also be working with the staff at the Inter-Regional Office in Geneva as well as the staff around the world. I will be coordinating the communication between the regional offices as well. I am going to start working there in February. As I prepare to go to Geneva I am going to need help and support both in monetary and non-monetary ways. I am preparing to live abroad again and with that comes anxiety and hope and excitement and nervousness. If you would like to be a part of this journey with me, please respond to this email with your physical address. I am hoping to mail out a letter of support early next week. This letter will tell you more about the job I will be doing as well as ways that you can continue to support me. I have also started a blog that I will update periodically. www.maryanningeneva.blogspot.com Please check that for more frequent updates.

I look forward to the new phase in my life that I am beginning now. I want to stay in better touch with the people I love the most, You! Please let me know all the exciting things you have been up to, and I will do the same.


In Grace and Peace,

Maryann Philbrook

Finding Money

I try and find the symbolic meaning in the events in my life. I recently have found, on the ground, $35 dollars. This of course, I believe, has a more symbolic meaning.

First, at work on the other side of the counter I found a twenty dollar bill, just lying there. I saw it and realized that it had probably fallen out of the pocket of a customer. So I took it outside and asked the people that were sitting there sipping their coffee if anyone had lost some money. One woman replied that she had. So I gave her the $20.

Second, on the night before New Year's Eve I was out with friends at a Karaoke Bar. (So much fun!) Right before we left, on the ground by the bar, was a ten dollar bill. I looked around. I asked around. No one seemed to know who it belonged to. I kept it.

Third, on New Year's Eve I was out walking at my coffee shop and talking on the phone and I looked down and there in the gravel by the bike rack was a five dollar bill. There was no one around me. I kept that one too.

These instances of finding money are symbolic to me because one of the major things in my life right now is trying to raise enough money so that I can make my job in Geneva a reality. I have to believe that if this is what God wants for me the money will appear. I believe that by finding this money God is telling me that the money I need for Geneva is there I just need to look. I was telling my friend Liz about this this afternoon and she said, "Well what is the symbolic meaning in the fact that you gave the first twenty dollars back to the woman?" Good question.

My answer is that I need to always remember where the money comes from. The money I am going to get to go to Geneva is not my money. It is going to come from the people that choose to partner with me. More importantly, it is going to come from God. I need to be willing to give the money not just look to receive the money. I think that is the symbolic meaning in my recent finds.

There is a lot of hard work ahead of me. I know that if I am going to find the money for my future in Geneva I need to start looking.