Monday

Monday. This past weekend was good and bad. I had a really great time on Friday night. I had dinner with two good friends. Then a friend of mine performed in a bar, so we went and watched him. It was such a good night. Good friends, good conversation, good energy. I really felt like I was at "home." Then Saturday I woke up feeling lazy. Lazy and perhaps a little grumpy and a little sad for myself. I declined the invitation to go to the wine tasting. I then spent most of the day in bed sleeping or pondering the future. I spent some time praying and some time reading the Bible. I spent some time wishing I weren't so tired. It was probably good for me to spend time alone. I tend to make myself so busy that I don't have to reflect or think or pause. Taize reminded me of the importance of taking those pauses; I still don't often take them. I still felt like because I wasn't "doing" something I was failing in some way; like busy-ness in and of itself makes you successful. (that is not true - in case there was any doubt). Saturday night I watched the Eurovision Finale. I had never seen this amazing display of talent before. For those Americans that have never heard of it, I would recommend googling it. For a good laugh watch Germany, Ukraine, and Greece. The winner was Norway. It was a good - made me forget about my existential troubles of the day (again with the busy-ness). Sunday was good. I went to Emmanuel Church. The sermon seemed very apt. As I had been feeling lonely on Saturday, the priest reminded me that we are never truly alone because Jesus is with us. I know, it sounds trite - but it was very helpful. He said that Jesus is with us in our despair and loneliness. It was helpful. I just need to focus on that. I hope I can remember that even as I feel overwhelmed.

Now it is Monday. I am back at work. I am trying to learn to control my busy-ness even as I feel slightly overwhelmed by the amount of things I am working on. However, I am working on so many different varied projects that at least I am never bored. ;) I also get to decide which projects I work on and which projects take the majority of my time. Although I feel like I am busy, and I am busy, I am also feeling useful. I suppose this is better than feeling useless. So I should be grateful for the little things.