Impact

You never know what impact you will have. You never know what effects your decisions will have on other people. I recently got an email from someone I have never met that found my blog through searching the internet for "taizé" This is not too surprising since I often write about Taizé and I even had a two whole posts on it here and here. I was surprised when I read this email and I was flattered. I know that people I do not know and have never met are reading my blog. I assumed this because I don't know anyone in Indonesia, for example. I was surprised that my words had such meaning for someone that they went out of their way to tell me so. I am very glad that this person did. This person is preparing a trip to Taizé in the near future and I am glad that my words inspired the trip. I was actually talking to a German girl in my residence hall just yesterday about Taizé. She said she liked it because there was no forcing of doctrine. That is also one reason I like it.

My friend left yesterday and now I am back at work. Thinking about what the next step will be. Thinking about what the next activity will be. This week should be slightly more relaxed because both of my bosses are off to Jordan to evaluate a project we have there. I am slightly envious of them - getting to go off and work like this. I know it will be tiring for them, though. The support staff in my office, the accountant and the administrative assistant are also out this week. They are on vacation. Our office is very quiet. I like it. I also feel less urgency to do work. Hopefully that will change. We will see. (Posting on this blog is one very good way I can procrastinate - that and facebook).

Publications, Publications, Publications. Now that we have successfully sent off Red Book and Federation News it is time to start on Student World. We are still working on Student World 2008. I am hoping to do both 2008 and 2009 this year so that next year at least the intern will not have to play catch up. It will be a lot of work, but I am looking forward to it. We'll see how it goes....

Preparing for Taize

I am leaving for Taize in just over an hour. I am excited beyond the point of being able to talk about it. Such a wonderful place.

The Interns are doing this thing where we send each other anonymous post cards of encouragement. It's actually quite nice. I got one today. Although I think I might have an idea of who might have sent me my postcard. So - Thank you! It's nice to know that you're loved. I won't be posting until I get back from Taize, which will be on Sunday. So at the earliest I will be posting next Monday. Just to forwarn you!

Back to Work, Planning for the next trip

I just got back from Camping but I am already thinking about my next trip away. I am leaving to go to Taize tomorrow. I am going to go there with a few of the WCC interns. Taize is one of my favorite places in the entire world. I am so excited about going there; I am also excited about seeing my friends experience Taize for the first time. When you see someone experience something for the first time it helps you to see something with new eyes. Like watching a movie you've already seen (maybe a dozen times) with someone who's never seen it - it's almost like watching it again for the first time. We are going to be there for four days. It will be such a nice break.

Camping was amazing. Sadly, I don't have many pictures to share. I will only post one. I took this while we stopped for a picnic on the way down to Le Verdon. It is so beautiful. I wish I had pictures of the lake where we camped. It was just an amazing sight.

During my weekend I also got some interesting questions about religion. Since everyone's first question is "What do you do in Geneva?" And my response is "I work for a Christian NGO." There is no hiding the fact that I'm Christian; it's out there; I have to own up to it. In some situations I just don't mention the fact that I'm Christian because I don't want people to think of me in the stereotypical American Christian. People have so many ideas about Americans and one of them is that we are ALL Christian. I am an American. I am a Christian. I am probably not the person they expect to meet. So one night I was asked "What's purpose of Religion?" Such a daunting question. What is the purpose of Religion? I don't think the purpose is to offer some eternal salvation that will come once we've died. I don't think the purpose is to offer a set of morals so that we can all live in harmony. I don't think the purpose is to make us "good people." What do I think think the purpose is? I think the purpose is for us, communally, to respond to that which we don't understand. There. Is that confusing enough? Now try explaining that in your second language. I don't know if most people would say that is the purpose of Religion. I think it's either that or it has no purpose. I think prayer has no purpose. I don't mean the prayer is useless. I think prayer is utterly powerful - but I don't think it has "purpose." Religion is not like other things in life - we don't measure religion by its productivity. I was reading an article today in the New York Times by Stanley Fish about religion and science. He was saying the Religion is the only way that people have been able to answer the questions that have no answer. Religion is the way that we talk about those things that we cannot utter. Religion is not a way of explaining how the world works - that is science. Religion is a way of explaining the "why" questions. I have been thinking about this question "What's the purpose of Religion?" I have been wishing I could have articulated a better answer - but then as I was reminded in Bending History by Joe Matthews - as soon as we start defending "God" we are no longer defending God - we are defending our ideas of God. God doesn't need defending. So perhaps me not having an answer is the best answer of all. Perhaps.

Answering the Birthday Questions

I ended my last post with the two questions that my family always asks on birthdays. The first is "What was the most significant event of the past year?" The second is similar: "What do you claim as the most significant event of the upcoming year?" I have been answering these questions since I can remember having a birthday. When I was younger it was often a trite answer of something that had happened in the recent past. Now I like to think and reflect on these questions. Really think about all the significant things that have happened to me in the past 12 months and then find the one that is the most significant. This year that is especially difficult. In the past year I have moved from Cannes, France to Austin, TX and prepared to move to Geneva, Switzerland. I have made so many friends that I know I will have for life. I have had an addition to my immediate family in the person of my nephew, Jacob Oliver Philbrook. I have changed jobs three times.

When my mother and brother posed the questions to me on Tuesday, at first I pleaded that I should wait until my party on Friday. I wanted time to think. Then it struck me. I know the most significant event of the last year. It was none of these momentous things I mentioned above. The most significant event was a small moment that happened at a monastery in Taize, France. During my week there I decided to spend the last three days in silence. I knew that my time in Cannes was coming to an end and I was not sure what the next step in my life should be. I wanted to pray and listen to see if I could hear something from God. I was contemplating moving to Chicago to be with my family there or possibly moving back to Los Angeles to be with friends from college. I had not really thought about Austin. I was even considering staying Cannes and working with my church there. All of these ideas were swirling in my head and I was not sure which path was the path that God wanted me to take. I spent many hours in the sanctuary praying. During one of my prayers it suddenly came to me, with clarity, that I should move to Austin, TX. I had been here a few times, but not spent significant amounts of time here. At first I thought, no, this can't be where God wants me to move, yet the more I thought about it and prayed about it the more sure it became. While I was in silence at Taize it was easy to trust and have faith that God wanted me to move to Austin. I was still two months out from moving and of course I would always do what God told me to do. As I came closer to the impending departure and even as I moved here I began to doubt. I began to doubt that God had ever spoken to me. I began to doubt that moving here was a good idea. I began to doubt that it was right for me. Now, as I am preparing to leave Austin for one year, with the hope of coming back, I see just how right Austin was for me. I have made amazing friends here. I have found a church home here. Austin was where I needed to be. Making the decision to move to Austin was not easy, but it was the right decision. I suppose that is why I listen to God, I have faith that the path God shows me is the right path for me. The most significant event of the past year was my decision to move to Austin and then following through on it.

Question number two. "What do you claim as the most signifcant event for the next year?" Once again I wanted an easy out - a way to answer without answering. I wanted to claim that I have no idea what my most significant event of the next year will be. This is true. I am embarking on a mysterious journey very soon. However, even as I do not know that specifics of the most significant event, I can claim that moving to Geneva will probably be the most signifcant event. The move to Geneva is directly related to the move that I took to Austin. Both were made/are being made on faith. I do not have enough money to support myself in Geneva. I do not know how I am going to make it for a year. I have been telling God that I'm not ready to be poor. But, I have faith that this is what God wants me to do. I have faith that God will provide for me. I also have doubts and fears. I have fears of failing. I have seen how well it worked out moving to Austin. When I have my doubts I can just remember what God did for me here. I am hoping and praying that I can remember that. It's often easy to forget. I forget most of the time. I claim that the most significant for the next year will be me moving to Geneva.


On an unrelated note, I got my passport back today from the Swiss Embassy. I have a shiny new visa inside it! There is nothing stopping me now from going. I have my plane tickets. I have my visa. I have all that I need. God will provide the rest. I pray that I can live that. As the preacher said last Sunday at church, the Gospel is not something we believe or preach - rather it is something we live.