Christmas Thoughts

It has been a few days since I sat opening gifts with my family. I always love Midnight Mass. This year I went with my parents to St. James service. I always love listening to the sermons there. The priest is very astute and articulate. His sermon this Christmas Morn was about emptying ourselves or not being full. We have to empty ourselves in order to let God in. I am hoping that I can learn to live this out.

Now that the Christmas time is over I am beginning to think about what comes next. I am beginning to think about the fact that I will be going to Geneva in February. Although I am very excited about this job that I have agreed to take, I am still uncertain as to what exactly I will be doing. However that makes me much less nervous than the fact that I do not know where my funding will come from to make this dream job into a reality. I am still unsure of how I will convince people to believe in me enough. My faith in myself, as my faith in God, as my faith in humanity, waivers. Some days I have so much faith that I am overwhelmed with all the possibility and the certainty of the goodness of these possibilities. Other days I am so unsure of myself, of the ability of God, and of the goodness of other people that I am certain that I must have been insane when I had that faith. Yet at the same time I use that moment when I had clarity as a rock, as a beacon, as a memory to call me back to the faith. I am in that moment now of uncertainty. I am in that moment now where I am overwhelmed by the tasks in front of me. I have to believe that during that moment of brief light I was not delusional. Instead of focusing on the time that I had doubts I must focus on the times when I have faith.


All of this is to say that I am preparing to begin an endeavor that is more difficult than anything I have ever done. I am beginning a new year that is uncertain. I am hoping that this year is full of unexpected surprises.

Inspiration

A friend of mine from college, Ryan Bowen, spent this weekend with me here in Austin, TX. He is an inspiration to me. Check out his website - www.bikingforobama.com. He was inspired by the hope that Obama's grassroots movement created and he is going across the country in time for the Inauguration in January. As he goes across from small towns to big cities he is talking to people - both people who voted for Barack and people who did not. He is asking them what they are hopeful about since this election. The responses are overwhelmingly positive. The support he receives every day from people he just meets on the street is amazing. I am awed by how much he is doing. His trip is inspiration to me because he is just doing this on a whim. He's made it this far and he will make it all the way. I am sure that if one man can bike from LA to DC to show the hope that we still have in America, even in this cynical generation, I can make it to Geneva to work with students. I can make a difference through what I am doing. Seeing what he is doing inspires me that we can (and do) make a difference with our actions. Last night at church the priest said, "We cannot think our way into a new way of acting; we have to act our way into a new way of thinking." I am acting my way into this job that I have accepted. I am acting my way into being who I will be. As I said in church last night I am giving God all the I am and all that I shall become. I am inspired to act by my old friend.

Finally beginning to sink in....

After four days of non-stop thinking and planning and dreaming about what Geneva will be like; about how I will raise money; about what I will be doing; about how much I will miss my friends here in Austin; about where I am heading in life; now, finally, I am beginning to believe, to accept, that I will be moving to Geneva in February. I signed the contract today. That also helped me to see this job as a reality rather than a very exciting dream that I will wake up from one day soon. I also had my first contributor. A very good friend promised that he will send me some money to make this trip a reality. I am encouraged that my friends and family love me and believe in me enough to want to give me their money so that I can go and have this experience. I am asking people to make a commitment to me; a commitment to my future; a commitment to my life; a commitment to my happiness; a commitment to my spirit. I am thankful that my friends and family are willing to step up to the plate in this way. This day is almost done. I am thankful for what has been done today. I am thankful for the friends I have (re)connected with through this.

Day Three

It has now been more than 48 hours since I officially accepted the position as Communications Intern. It has been an eventful 48 hours.

Yesterday morning I met with Fr. Jeff Walker from my Church here in Austin, St. James' Episcopal. The meeting with him was a very relaxing, informative time. Since I am also gainfully employed, I had to work that afternoon. Luckily, I got off a little early so I am now sending some more emails and I just sent a mass email that will ask if people want to receive letters of support. My Dad has been very helpful. He made me a few spreadsheets. (If you know my Dad you know that he enjoyed that immensely!)

Today has been a good day so far. I worked this morning. I enjoy working in the mornings more than any other time of day. Early in the morning, giving people their coffee, making their day a little better, knowing what each person drinks so that I can get to the important task of talking to them rather than at them, joking with coworkers, enjoying the room behind the counter and having mini-dance parties to Miles Davis. My morning.

A few minutes ago I sent out a mass email to everyone I thought might possibly theoretically maybe be interested in knowing what I am doing now. If you got this email, yay! If you did not, please let me know. I will post it here too - just to make sure everyone can read it.

I did yoga today. A wonderful friend of mine here came and had coffee with me after work and then we did yoga. I am going to try and stay sane while I am preparing to move abroad and raise more money than I have ever seen by doing yoga on a regular basis. (thank Liz for today and thanks Anna for inspiring my love of yoga)

Today has been good. I am finally beginning to believe that I will be moving to Geneva is February. It still seems like a dream to me sometimes. A very wonderful dream. I pray that I will keep on dreaming.

An inauspicious beginning

Today I had a few things on my schedule: phone interview, check, lunch with my aunt and uncle, check, last minute Christmas shopping, check, make dinner for my Aunt, Uncle, and their kids, check, work Christmas party, not-yet-checked. I did not have a life changing decision on my to do list today. Yet, that is exactly what happened today. After today my life will be different. I am now planning for a different future than I was planning for yesterday.

I am (will be?) the Communications Intern with the World Student Christian Federation. (WSCF)

In February, I will be moving across our island home to a country I have never been, to begin a job that I am sure will change me. I am going to Geneva, Switzerland. I do not know what I will be doing; I do not know with whom I will be working; I do not know where I will live; I do not know how I will be paid. I do know that this is where I need to be right now. I do know that as I take this step into the unknown there will be the support that I need. I do know that I am making a move toward the infinite. I do know that my life is taking this path and not that path.

Now that I have made this unplanned for decision I need to make many other decisions. In the coming weeks and months I will try and update this blog. I hope that this blog can be a way that I can keep in touch with old friends, perhaps make new ones and generally share what is going on in my life. As I prepare to go to Geneva I am going to need help. I will shortly share with you my exact fund raising needs. Although this job is where I need to be; it does not come with any sort of benefits package. I am responsible for raising the money necessary for me to live in Geneva for the next year. I am planning to raise between $20,000 and $30,000 USD in the next few months. If you think you can help me with this in any way (and non-monetary support such as prayer or winter clothing or an old computer or a plane ticket or anything you think I might need) please, please email me or leave a comment here. As I said earlier, I will update this in a few days with more detailed information as to how you can donate to me and what exactly I need.

Today was not the day I planned for; today was the day I received. I am glad of it.