I know I'm a few days late - but I still wanted to post about gratitude.
I am grateful for so many things in my life right now.
I am grateful for my job, although I often complain about it, I am actually very grateful that I have one. Having a job, even if it is a job that I do not like much, gives me the freedom to search for a 'dream' job. I have the ability to be choosy.
I am also grateful for my friends here in Austin. I have managed to find a group of friends that I enjoy being with and that enjoy and support me for who I am. They do not tell me that I don't know how to dance or that I need to do something to be 'cool' enough to be their friends. In high school and in college I often had friends that would joke with me by putting me down. At the time, I thought it was fine, but I took many of those things inside and now I am learning how to have friends that encourage me. I am so grateful for these friends.
I am also grateful for my house and my housemates. I live with two lovely women. They are just wonderful and supportive. The owner of the house is pretty awesome too. This is an amazing living situation.
I am grateful for family. My family loves me so much and I love them. I love the fact that we are all adults. We treat each other as adults that we respect. It is an amazing way to relate to parents. My brothers are great too - it is nice to have one brother in town. We are all going to be together for Christmas! This will be the first Christmas in more than five years that we've all been together. I am so excited about that!
When I started this post I told myself I was not going to make a list of all the things I am grateful for, but then it sort of came out like that. I am so grateful and all of these things are true. So please excuse the cheesiness of this post.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Community
I have been searching for a Church that 'fits' me here; a community that I can belong to, if you will. I have gone to a few different Churches, from small Episcopal Churches to large Episcopal Churches to larger 'Community Churches' to small start up Churches where everyone looked just like me (i.e. under 30, white and struggling, but also somewhat affluent and wearing plastic-framed glasses). This past Sunday I went to St. Andrew's Presbyterian. Now, this is strange for me because I am definitely NOT Presbyterian. Not that I have anything against them, but I like the Anglican Communion and the liturgy and tradition that comes through that into the Episcopal Church. However, after my weekend retreat where I heard the pastor from St. Andrew's speak, I decided I needed to go there. Fittingly the sermon he preached was on Community.
In my search for radicalism in a Church I had not realised that I was also looking for a community that would support me in and encourage me in my radicalism. Hearing the pastor, openly and honestly, explain why Capitalism is opposed to Christianity made my heart leap for joy. I need a Church Community where I can live my life so differently that I can begin to question what society says is important so that I live the revolutionary life that Christ is leading me towards. Community is about choosing human rights over property rights and compassion over competition.
The sermon on Community was based on the famous Acts 2 passage that describes the Early Church. (I wrote a paper on this passage comparing it with Marxism for a class my sophomore year in college, but I can't seem to find it... if I do I'll post it or a link to it). The sermon was inspiring in that it recognized that this description is what we are 'aiming' for, but what we will probably never achieve. The pastor also recognized that we do need healthy boundaries, but need to give and be more in community than we think possible or think 'normal' in society.
I feel like I've finally found my Community here.
In my search for radicalism in a Church I had not realised that I was also looking for a community that would support me in and encourage me in my radicalism. Hearing the pastor, openly and honestly, explain why Capitalism is opposed to Christianity made my heart leap for joy. I need a Church Community where I can live my life so differently that I can begin to question what society says is important so that I live the revolutionary life that Christ is leading me towards. Community is about choosing human rights over property rights and compassion over competition.
The sermon on Community was based on the famous Acts 2 passage that describes the Early Church. (I wrote a paper on this passage comparing it with Marxism for a class my sophomore year in college, but I can't seem to find it... if I do I'll post it or a link to it). The sermon was inspiring in that it recognized that this description is what we are 'aiming' for, but what we will probably never achieve. The pastor also recognized that we do need healthy boundaries, but need to give and be more in community than we think possible or think 'normal' in society.
I feel like I've finally found my Community here.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Is the Church still relevant?
Is the Church still relevant? That was a question raised (albeit briefly) at a conference I went to this weekend. The conference was organized by Barbara Wendland who writes this monthly newsletter. I went to a conference for Progressive Christians in Central Texas and, surprisingly, I wasn't alone. I live in the liberal bastion of Texas so I know that I'm not alone, but hearing the stories and being able to support those that live in small towns and go to conservative Churches was reassuring.
But, the question was still raised - is the Church relevant? At this conference of about 150 people I was one of 4 under 40. Most were over 60. I want to be clear that I do not believe that only people under 40 have the answers, but I do believe that intergenerational dialogue is important for the continuation of any type of organization. If in 20 years most of the people in that room are going to be dead or in nursing homes than the question has to addressed. One of the main speakers brought up the obvious point that almost everyone was 60+ and that almost everyone was white. (Did you know that there were liberal WASP's in Texas? But that is not an issue I can address because I am white). He said that we need to address this need; but the real question is how? The evangelical and fundamentalist churches are doing something right in this regard. They routinely have thousands of people in their 20's and 30's at their services. What can we learn from them? What are they doing that works? Another young person (38 - but in that crowd that IS young!) thought that there were no young people at this meeting because Faith, progressive or fundamentalist, is not relevant to the lives that young people are living. If they grow up in a mainline Church they see it as irrelevant and convert to Atheism; if they grow up in a fundamentalist Church they run away to Atheism as a reaction to the limited life they were subjected to in the name of god. Either way, most people my age end up Atheist.
Yet, I think that that answer discounts the reason that I go to Church and that most young people I know go to Church - faith and a desire for something more and something meaningful in the here and now. Another one of the speakers said that he thought that young people were drawn to Churches (or institutions) that take a stand. I think he's right. I think that the current Progressive Christian movement is so worried about opposing the Fundamentalist Christian movement that they forget to stand for something concrete. We (I am very much guilty of this) are so worried about being inclusive that we never say what we actually believe, that might offend someone. Everything is accepted. Although I do wholeheartedly believe that last sentence - everything is accepted by God - I also believe that there is a Right and a Wrong and that we have to stand up for it. We have to be able to call out what is wrong, in the name of Love. An example given at this conference was of two sons fighting. A parent would never let that continue. Out of love, for both children, that parent would stop the fight. Both children are hurt because of that conflict - the one that is physically hurt - but also the one that has caused the pain is emotionally hurt. Calling that act wrong and stopping it is not judgmental or hateful but is the only loving thing to do.
In fictitious examples it is always easy to spot the right and the wrong, but I am not sure how to do that in real life as it moves before me - but I know that I am at a place to start because the Church is still attempting to answer this question. The Church that does that is still relevant. A church that does not help to identify and call out injustice in this world is irrelevant and should be on it's deathbed because that church is not part of the people of God, although the individuals are very much God's people.
But, the question was still raised - is the Church relevant? At this conference of about 150 people I was one of 4 under 40. Most were over 60. I want to be clear that I do not believe that only people under 40 have the answers, but I do believe that intergenerational dialogue is important for the continuation of any type of organization. If in 20 years most of the people in that room are going to be dead or in nursing homes than the question has to addressed. One of the main speakers brought up the obvious point that almost everyone was 60+ and that almost everyone was white. (Did you know that there were liberal WASP's in Texas? But that is not an issue I can address because I am white). He said that we need to address this need; but the real question is how? The evangelical and fundamentalist churches are doing something right in this regard. They routinely have thousands of people in their 20's and 30's at their services. What can we learn from them? What are they doing that works? Another young person (38 - but in that crowd that IS young!) thought that there were no young people at this meeting because Faith, progressive or fundamentalist, is not relevant to the lives that young people are living. If they grow up in a mainline Church they see it as irrelevant and convert to Atheism; if they grow up in a fundamentalist Church they run away to Atheism as a reaction to the limited life they were subjected to in the name of god. Either way, most people my age end up Atheist.
Yet, I think that that answer discounts the reason that I go to Church and that most young people I know go to Church - faith and a desire for something more and something meaningful in the here and now. Another one of the speakers said that he thought that young people were drawn to Churches (or institutions) that take a stand. I think he's right. I think that the current Progressive Christian movement is so worried about opposing the Fundamentalist Christian movement that they forget to stand for something concrete. We (I am very much guilty of this) are so worried about being inclusive that we never say what we actually believe, that might offend someone. Everything is accepted. Although I do wholeheartedly believe that last sentence - everything is accepted by God - I also believe that there is a Right and a Wrong and that we have to stand up for it. We have to be able to call out what is wrong, in the name of Love. An example given at this conference was of two sons fighting. A parent would never let that continue. Out of love, for both children, that parent would stop the fight. Both children are hurt because of that conflict - the one that is physically hurt - but also the one that has caused the pain is emotionally hurt. Calling that act wrong and stopping it is not judgmental or hateful but is the only loving thing to do.
In fictitious examples it is always easy to spot the right and the wrong, but I am not sure how to do that in real life as it moves before me - but I know that I am at a place to start because the Church is still attempting to answer this question. The Church that does that is still relevant. A church that does not help to identify and call out injustice in this world is irrelevant and should be on it's deathbed because that church is not part of the people of God, although the individuals are very much God's people.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Atheism V. Religion
On Saturday night I went to a party at a friend of a friend's house. At about 2:30 AM I got into a very civil (yet heated) discussion about Atheism with said friend of friend. I had never met this guy before, and maybe never will again, yet we had a very intense discussion about Religion and why he thinks it's a bad thing. I'll admit I had had a few beers by this point, but I still think that our discussion was meaningful to both of us.
I believe that Faith is a gift of God. Therefore, I can't really hold it against anyone if they're Atheist. Either they haven't opened the package God's given them, or maybe God hasn't delivered it yet - either way the question of Faith doesn't necessarily reflect on the person's level of belief. I did tell this young gentlemen to pray for Faith. Although he said he had never prayed in his entire life.
On Sunday night I went to Church with my roommate here. We have very different backgrounds. She grew up going to a large Southern Baptist Church in a Dallas suburb; I grew up going to small Episcopal Church in Baton Rouge. Although I would say my parents' theology has shaped me more than the Episcopal Church's Theology. However, this Sunday the Church we went to was held in the Gym of Austin High. There was a line of traffic to simply get into the parking lot. For me a 'large' church has a few hundred people in attendance. This Church probably had close to a 1,000. However, my roommate liked this Church because it is 'small'. Again, very different backgrounds.
I have been thinking about these two very different experiences this weekend. I honestly think that I have more in common, more shared 'values' with that Atheist than I do with most of the other 'Christians' at the Church I attended.
I feel hypocritical when I go to Church because I see that I am not living my life as a little Christ and that 'Church', often, is not encouraging that kind of life. When did Christ become a personal savior and not the savior of the entire world? If everyone on this planet was an evangelical Christian the 'world' would NOT be saved! Jesus came to create something new, something completely different, something so drastically revolutionary that we cannot even begin to think it is possible. When we start to live that, somewhat unknown, life we become little Christs - we become Christian. I have not been doing this lately and I see Churches, especially the Church I went to on Sunday, are so focused on Christ saving each and every individual person that they forget that Christ came to save the entire world.
My grandmother recently said to me: "How stupid is it to believe that God created people just so that He could save them." I know that I believe in God that is bigger than that.
I believe that Faith is a gift of God. Therefore, I can't really hold it against anyone if they're Atheist. Either they haven't opened the package God's given them, or maybe God hasn't delivered it yet - either way the question of Faith doesn't necessarily reflect on the person's level of belief. I did tell this young gentlemen to pray for Faith. Although he said he had never prayed in his entire life.
On Sunday night I went to Church with my roommate here. We have very different backgrounds. She grew up going to a large Southern Baptist Church in a Dallas suburb; I grew up going to small Episcopal Church in Baton Rouge. Although I would say my parents' theology has shaped me more than the Episcopal Church's Theology. However, this Sunday the Church we went to was held in the Gym of Austin High. There was a line of traffic to simply get into the parking lot. For me a 'large' church has a few hundred people in attendance. This Church probably had close to a 1,000. However, my roommate liked this Church because it is 'small'. Again, very different backgrounds.
I have been thinking about these two very different experiences this weekend. I honestly think that I have more in common, more shared 'values' with that Atheist than I do with most of the other 'Christians' at the Church I attended.
I feel hypocritical when I go to Church because I see that I am not living my life as a little Christ and that 'Church', often, is not encouraging that kind of life. When did Christ become a personal savior and not the savior of the entire world? If everyone on this planet was an evangelical Christian the 'world' would NOT be saved! Jesus came to create something new, something completely different, something so drastically revolutionary that we cannot even begin to think it is possible. When we start to live that, somewhat unknown, life we become little Christs - we become Christian. I have not been doing this lately and I see Churches, especially the Church I went to on Sunday, are so focused on Christ saving each and every individual person that they forget that Christ came to save the entire world.
My grandmother recently said to me: "How stupid is it to believe that God created people just so that He could save them." I know that I believe in God that is bigger than that.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Boredom
The boredom that comes with not feeling quite at home, but also feeling right at home has set in.
I am staying in tonight simply because I feel like it. I could go out and hang out with friends, but I am staying at home watching TV (on the Internet) simply because it feels good. I am being lazy, but I like it.
The only thing I did today was volunteer. I have missed 7 weeks of volunteering! It was just as if I'd never left. I remembered how to do everything and some of the women remember me. I am happy I am back volunteering. I am reminded of how much the women living on the streets need. We all need something, but these women have their needs bared before us, the service providers. It is refreshing to see people so honestly needy and honestly asking.
I was preparing the devotional last night and one of the ideas that has stuck with me is that if we start taking God for granted we stop experiencing God's love. God needs to be a surprise for us, someone (something) that we rely on but that we never, ever begin to take for granted. I know that I have been doing that very thing. As soon as we take God for granted we no longer think we need God's grace. (I also think there are serious issues with taking people for granted... but perhaps that is a topic for another day).
I am spending the night at home trying not to take God or God's grace for granted.
I am staying in tonight simply because I feel like it. I could go out and hang out with friends, but I am staying at home watching TV (on the Internet) simply because it feels good. I am being lazy, but I like it.
The only thing I did today was volunteer. I have missed 7 weeks of volunteering! It was just as if I'd never left. I remembered how to do everything and some of the women remember me. I am happy I am back volunteering. I am reminded of how much the women living on the streets need. We all need something, but these women have their needs bared before us, the service providers. It is refreshing to see people so honestly needy and honestly asking.
I was preparing the devotional last night and one of the ideas that has stuck with me is that if we start taking God for granted we stop experiencing God's love. God needs to be a surprise for us, someone (something) that we rely on but that we never, ever begin to take for granted. I know that I have been doing that very thing. As soon as we take God for granted we no longer think we need God's grace. (I also think there are serious issues with taking people for granted... but perhaps that is a topic for another day).
I am spending the night at home trying not to take God or God's grace for granted.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Back in the USA
As I write this my cat, Tuba, is sitting on my lap. I couldn't be happier.
Coming back from a trip abroad is always a bit strange. Language is one of the biggest differences. Everyone speaks English and you don't have to think about what to say in simple interactions. "Excuse me" is just "excuse me". You know that the grocery checker can speak your language. There won't be any surprises there. Another difference is money. I know money here; I know where it says how much the bill is worth, I know what a dime looks like instinctively; I am used to the green that is in my wallet. In my five weeks in Guatemala I never got settled with the money. I still had to look at the bills and the coins before handing them over for whatever I had bought. (assuming I understood how much money they needed). Yet today, I was looking at a handful of quarters and they looked too small. Most of the coins in Guatemala are larger and thicker. Quarters seem so tiny in comparison. Yet, even if they look strange for a moment I still know what they are and what they are worth.
I started my new job today. As expected all of the kitchen staff speaks Spanish. I will get to use some of my newly acquired language. In my new Greek restaurant I had 'tacos' served by Mexicans today. Multiculturalism at it's best.
I am happy to be back, even if I am still adjusting to being a US citizen in the US again. (I am NOT solely American, as I was told many times in Guatemala. ALL the people from North, Central and South America are Americans. People from the US are US citizens, in addition to being American. Guatemalans are American too, as are Canadians and Chileans and Brazilians, etc,etc.)
Coming back from a trip abroad is always a bit strange. Language is one of the biggest differences. Everyone speaks English and you don't have to think about what to say in simple interactions. "Excuse me" is just "excuse me". You know that the grocery checker can speak your language. There won't be any surprises there. Another difference is money. I know money here; I know where it says how much the bill is worth, I know what a dime looks like instinctively; I am used to the green that is in my wallet. In my five weeks in Guatemala I never got settled with the money. I still had to look at the bills and the coins before handing them over for whatever I had bought. (assuming I understood how much money they needed). Yet today, I was looking at a handful of quarters and they looked too small. Most of the coins in Guatemala are larger and thicker. Quarters seem so tiny in comparison. Yet, even if they look strange for a moment I still know what they are and what they are worth.
I started my new job today. As expected all of the kitchen staff speaks Spanish. I will get to use some of my newly acquired language. In my new Greek restaurant I had 'tacos' served by Mexicans today. Multiculturalism at it's best.
I am happy to be back, even if I am still adjusting to being a US citizen in the US again. (I am NOT solely American, as I was told many times in Guatemala. ALL the people from North, Central and South America are Americans. People from the US are US citizens, in addition to being American. Guatemalans are American too, as are Canadians and Chileans and Brazilians, etc,etc.)
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