tired and feeling strange

I am tired - mainly because I didn't sleep much last night - but I am also feeling strange.

Whenever a big trip is coming up a small pit of excitement/anxiety/nervousness/unknowingness/uncertainty wells up in my stomach and sits there growing bigger every moment as I get closer to the day of departure. This time I feel like that small ball is making it hard for me to focus on my friends and family here in Austin. I'm living, breathing, thinking, and smelling Guatemala.

My anticipation for Guatemala makes me think of that phrase "Hurry up and wait." That is what I'm doing right now. I'm hurtling towards my 'departure day' at a million miles a minute, but I'm not leaving for Guatemala. I'm leaving for Chicago. It feels like a false start - like I'm misleading myself. I am amped up and excited and looking forward to my trip which starts Monday, but it doesn't really start Monday. (Well it does, just not THIS Monday). I am hurrying towards this date so that I can wait another week in a different city.

However, I am also looking forward to my conference in Chicago. I am glad that I made the decision to stay in the US for this meeting. I know that the PJD can be powerful and I'm glad that I'll be able to shape it's future forms all over the world.

I am glad that my trip is beginning with this weekend of reflection about the future. I know that although I am going to Guatemala to learn Spanish I am also going so that I can begin to think more about my future. I want to reflect on where my life has been and where I would like it to go. Starting with an intentional reflection with others of similar values/beliefs is a good way to begin my journey south.

The small pit in my stomach is growing ever so slightly even as I write this very post. I hope that I will be able to contain it until I land in just over a week in Guatemala City!