There was nothing left to be said. They sat in silence waiting for his ride to come. They had chatted about the weather. They had chatted about the construction on Government Blvd (“It's making traffic unbearable, really.” “I know, I can't stand it.”) They had chatted about everything they thought they could safely talk about. They had definitely not talked about the person coming to pick him up. They had definitely not talked about why he was there. Simply making small talk. Avoid all important subjects. If need be, one must sit uncomfortably in silence. One must never say what is really on one's mind. Small talk.
They sat in the waiting room, still waiting. The dusty clock above the receptionist's desk seemed to be ticking more loudly and more slowly than ever before. The second hand refused to move, as if tempting one of them to say something. Tempting one of them to break out of the limited small topics.
Really, there was nothing left to be said. Nick knew why James was here. James knew why Nick was here. James knew that in any moment she would pull up outside and Nick would leave with a simple, “Cheers” or “See you” and it would all be over. Or perhaps it would end with the nurse calling out “James T. Green”. He would simply wave and go behind that cheap wooden door. They both knew that any further comments would simply be inappropriate. Any further comments would destroy the illusion that neither one knew.
A chirping of a mechanic bird came from Nick's pocket. He was halfway standing as he took the phone out and looked at it. He sat back down. If it weren't pouring out he would have just gone outside, but going outside in this weather just to avoid the heavy silence between them was unthinkable. Worst storm in a 100 years, the weatherman had said. It seemed like he said that every summer. It had been raining that day. James had even had the audacity to ask about Amy. He had been casual. Pretending that he was asking just about a woman that he had known a few years back. Of course, Nick's response had seemed just as casual, but they both knew the truth. There was nothing left to be said.
I like this entry, sometimes I do long to be more vulnerable with people, but then there's the inevitable risk...I'm glad you're writing again. Maybe one day I'll post again on my blog :)
ReplyDelete