I am spending my last Friday in Austin packing. It is a rainy, cold day; a perfect day to spend inside thinking about leaving this place. Yesterday, one of my friends asked me to edit a paper she wrote for a class. It was so refreshing to work with words. I like to think that I am good at crafting these words into coherent thoughts that other people can understand. Working with someone else’s words to make them better and more expressive was a rush, a thrill. A few days ago when my coworkers and I were hanging out after work the owner came by and gave each of us a one word summary of what he sees that we do well. His word for me was “communication.” I don’t believe that he even knows that I am going to be the Communications Intern with the World Student Christian Federation. I think that his choice of words is just one more sign from God that I am choosing this path wisely.
I received a lot of money yesterday. Two of my regulars donated towards my trip as well as an old family friend. I am so thankful to them. I still find it amazing how people are willing and generous with their money. It is inspiring. I also received a lot of praise yesterday. It makes it much easier for me to go on my trip knowing that so many people here will be praying for me and thinking about me. I feel that I am beginning to see the why God wanted me to move to Austin. I am also beginning to see that I can learn to have faith that God is going to support me in Geneva. I am looking forward to moving back to Austin as well.
I leave tomorrow to go to my parents’ for a few days and then I leave the USA on Tuesday. This time next week I will be in Geneva.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Don't lose faith
I have amazing friends and coworkers here. As I'm preparing to move to Switzerland the people at my coffee shop and nothing but supportive. One of my regulars gave me a rather sizable donation today. I am so grateful to him! I am more than appreciative for that. Another regular told me I was an inspiration. My coworkers and many of my regulars signed a big poster for me that I am going to bring with me to Geneva to remember all the wonderful people here. When other people love us so openly and genuinely we get a small glimpse of God's love. Some of my friends from Church gave me suitcases! I am so loved. God is so generous and amazing! Thank You!!!
What's amazing is that many of my coworkers are also people of faith. (see my previous blog ) One of my coworkers wrote on my big, poster-sized card that as long I don't lose my faith I will be successful. He is right. As long I remember that God is going to provide for me, as my other coworkers constantly remind me, I cannot fail. I also read my horoscope today. I don't give them much sway. However, today's was very fitting. As another one of my coworkers and friends tells me often, I cannot be lazy. I cannot hold back anymore. That is what my horoscope is telling me. I have to just take that leap into the unknown and have trust and faith that God will provide for me more abundantly than I can imagine. Which God has already done for me, but I am still uncertain about this leap, about how much God will provide this time. Monetarily, I'm doing better than I thought I would be. I have no reason to worry, but I still do. That is the way of life. I am going to try not to worry.
Tomorrow I'll post some more thoughts on Roman's. I'd like to do the whole book before the end of Lent, but somehow I doubt that will happen. Maybe I'll keep on doing it after Lent. I have four full days left in the United States!
What's amazing is that many of my coworkers are also people of faith. (see my previous blog ) One of my coworkers wrote on my big, poster-sized card that as long I don't lose my faith I will be successful. He is right. As long I remember that God is going to provide for me, as my other coworkers constantly remind me, I cannot fail. I also read my horoscope today. I don't give them much sway. However, today's was very fitting. As another one of my coworkers and friends tells me often, I cannot be lazy. I cannot hold back anymore. That is what my horoscope is telling me. I have to just take that leap into the unknown and have trust and faith that God will provide for me more abundantly than I can imagine. Which God has already done for me, but I am still uncertain about this leap, about how much God will provide this time. Monetarily, I'm doing better than I thought I would be. I have no reason to worry, but I still do. That is the way of life. I am going to try not to worry.
Tomorrow I'll post some more thoughts on Roman's. I'd like to do the whole book before the end of Lent, but somehow I doubt that will happen. Maybe I'll keep on doing it after Lent. I have four full days left in the United States!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Overwhelming
Things are seeming a little overwhelming here right now. I have been so focused on leaving and saying goodbye and spending time with people that I have been neglectful of my fundraising. Now things have piled up a bit and I am feeling overwhelmed. I am also overwhelmed by all my wonderful friends here. I want to spend as much time with them as possible.
I also think that I am daunted by the fact that I am actually going to go to Geneva without enough money to support me for an entire year. I am really relying on my faith. I have raised as much money as I had hoped to by this time, but I am still short of my entire salary. However, as one of my coworkers constantly reminds me, God will provide. I am going to live as if I had faith. I will live it until it becomes true. I suppose that is what faith is. I still feel overwhelmed, though.
Yesterday I did spend some time working on my fundraising. Instead of going out with one of my friends I wrote Thank You notes to the people from my Church here in Austin that have given me money. I also called the priest from my Church in Los Angeles and talked with her about my trip. Unfortunately they cannot give me any monetary support, although I am sure their prayers will be with me. Prayers are very valuable. Perhaps even more valuable than direct support.
If I am going to be living like I have faith I suppose I have to let go of my fears that overwhelm me. Maybe tomorrow.
I also think that I am daunted by the fact that I am actually going to go to Geneva without enough money to support me for an entire year. I am really relying on my faith. I have raised as much money as I had hoped to by this time, but I am still short of my entire salary. However, as one of my coworkers constantly reminds me, God will provide. I am going to live as if I had faith. I will live it until it becomes true. I suppose that is what faith is. I still feel overwhelmed, though.
Yesterday I did spend some time working on my fundraising. Instead of going out with one of my friends I wrote Thank You notes to the people from my Church here in Austin that have given me money. I also called the priest from my Church in Los Angeles and talked with her about my trip. Unfortunately they cannot give me any monetary support, although I am sure their prayers will be with me. Prayers are very valuable. Perhaps even more valuable than direct support.
If I am going to be living like I have faith I suppose I have to let go of my fears that overwhelm me. Maybe tomorrow.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Last Sunday in Austin
Yesterday was my final Sunday in Austin. I'm going to my parents' house next weekend and then I fly out on Tuesday. A week from tomorrow. So soon!
Yesterday I did many things, including going to Church twice. I went to the morning service to make a final announcement about my trip but found out that we don't do announcements during Lent. So instead I left and went with my friends to Dim Sum. Dim Sum is one of my favorite meals. After that I took a nap and then headed back to Church for my service. I go the six o'clock service at St. James'. It is such a relaxed wonderful service. I feel at home there. They also sent me off with a prayer of traveling mercies. I teared up a little in the service as I realized that would be my last six o'clock service for some time. I am going to miss that place a lot. After the service I got tacos with a couple of my friends. I am going to miss my friends there too.
The sermon at church was about suffering. Suffering is a topic that is hard to talk about. It is hard to talk about because it is hard to live through. However, the priest made a great point in his sermon that suffering is a part of our human condition. We cannot choose not to suffer. We cannot live our lives in such a way as to avoid suffering. We suffer. However, we have Jesus in those moments and hours and years of suffering. We have the hope and knowledge of a love greater than ourselves.
A note about my post from yesterday. I used the New Jerusalem Bible for the first half of the post. Then I went home and finished the second half; my Bible is NRSV. So that is why the translations are a bit different. I also want to say that I only put down what I think; I didn't use any books or any references.
Yesterday I did many things, including going to Church twice. I went to the morning service to make a final announcement about my trip but found out that we don't do announcements during Lent. So instead I left and went with my friends to Dim Sum. Dim Sum is one of my favorite meals. After that I took a nap and then headed back to Church for my service. I go the six o'clock service at St. James'. It is such a relaxed wonderful service. I feel at home there. They also sent me off with a prayer of traveling mercies. I teared up a little in the service as I realized that would be my last six o'clock service for some time. I am going to miss that place a lot. After the service I got tacos with a couple of my friends. I am going to miss my friends there too.
The sermon at church was about suffering. Suffering is a topic that is hard to talk about. It is hard to talk about because it is hard to live through. However, the priest made a great point in his sermon that suffering is a part of our human condition. We cannot choose not to suffer. We cannot live our lives in such a way as to avoid suffering. We suffer. However, we have Jesus in those moments and hours and years of suffering. We have the hope and knowledge of a love greater than ourselves.
A note about my post from yesterday. I used the New Jerusalem Bible for the first half of the post. Then I went home and finished the second half; my Bible is NRSV. So that is why the translations are a bit different. I also want to say that I only put down what I think; I didn't use any books or any references.
Romans Chapters One and Two
For the season of Lent I decided to read the book of Romans. I started at the beginning. Chapter One is very strong. This chapter of Romans is one that is often cited by those who condemn homosexuality. I believe that Chapter Two has more to say about the condemnation than chapter one does. However, I will begin at the beginning. The beginning of Romans is about how faith. God's justice is: "based on faith and addressed to faith" (1:17). What does that mean? A justice based on faith? Is that justice? Paul goes on to write "The retribution of God from heaven is being revealed against the ungodliness and injustice of human beings who in their injustice hold back the truth." (1:18) It is God's justice; not our justice. Paul is setting up the theme for Romans here: our idea of justice versus God's ultimate justice.
To clearly illustrate the differences in our justice versus God’s justice Paul describes the people in Rome that knew God, but have forsaken God. He then goes on to list all the unjust things that people who do not follow God do. He includes in this list “sexual impurities” (1:24) and “women exchang[ing] natural relations for unnatural ones” (1:26). In short, Paul explaining that these people are horrible people. They have no redeeming qualities. He is listing every depraved and immoral thing that can be thought of: “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife deceit and malice…” (1:29). Paul’s point though, is not the sinful nature of the people he is describing. The break between Chapters One and Two give us the false impression that Paul is beginning a new thought. Chapter One ends with the revulsion of these “ungodly” people. Chapter Two begins with the sentence: “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself because you who pass judgment do the same things.” (2:1) These evil people that revile God and flaunt God’s creation are we; we are the ones exchanging natural relations for unnatural relations. When we judge people we are, in fact, showing, “contempt for the riches of [God’s] kindness, tolerance and patience” (2:4). Paul is showing us here, in the beginning of Romans, that when we use to the law to judge others and create our justice it is not in line with God’s justice.
Later in Chapter Two, Paul makes it even clearer that the keeping the law is not the same as justice. In an aside he says, “Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness” (2:14-15). Paul ends Chapter Two with the idea the being a Jew is not about physical or verbal signs – i.e. circumcision and the law. Instead Paul is arguing that being a Jew, having faith, is about inward knowledge. Once again, Paul is clearly showing us that the divisions that we create in order to have justice were not made by God. Paul is not arguing that morality and laws are bad, but he is arguing that when we judge others to be less morally acceptable in God’s eyes than we ourselves are we are lying to ourselves and misrepresenting who God is.
To clearly illustrate the differences in our justice versus God’s justice Paul describes the people in Rome that knew God, but have forsaken God. He then goes on to list all the unjust things that people who do not follow God do. He includes in this list “sexual impurities” (1:24) and “women exchang[ing] natural relations for unnatural ones” (1:26). In short, Paul explaining that these people are horrible people. They have no redeeming qualities. He is listing every depraved and immoral thing that can be thought of: “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife deceit and malice…” (1:29). Paul’s point though, is not the sinful nature of the people he is describing. The break between Chapters One and Two give us the false impression that Paul is beginning a new thought. Chapter One ends with the revulsion of these “ungodly” people. Chapter Two begins with the sentence: “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself because you who pass judgment do the same things.” (2:1) These evil people that revile God and flaunt God’s creation are we; we are the ones exchanging natural relations for unnatural relations. When we judge people we are, in fact, showing, “contempt for the riches of [God’s] kindness, tolerance and patience” (2:4). Paul is showing us here, in the beginning of Romans, that when we use to the law to judge others and create our justice it is not in line with God’s justice.
Later in Chapter Two, Paul makes it even clearer that the keeping the law is not the same as justice. In an aside he says, “Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness” (2:14-15). Paul ends Chapter Two with the idea the being a Jew is not about physical or verbal signs – i.e. circumcision and the law. Instead Paul is arguing that being a Jew, having faith, is about inward knowledge. Once again, Paul is clearly showing us that the divisions that we create in order to have justice were not made by God. Paul is not arguing that morality and laws are bad, but he is arguing that when we judge others to be less morally acceptable in God’s eyes than we ourselves are we are lying to ourselves and misrepresenting who God is.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Answering the Birthday Questions
I ended my last post with the two questions that my family always asks on birthdays. The first is "What was the most significant event of the past year?" The second is similar: "What do you claim as the most significant event of the upcoming year?" I have been answering these questions since I can remember having a birthday. When I was younger it was often a trite answer of something that had happened in the recent past. Now I like to think and reflect on these questions. Really think about all the significant things that have happened to me in the past 12 months and then find the one that is the most significant. This year that is especially difficult. In the past year I have moved from Cannes, France to Austin, TX and prepared to move to Geneva, Switzerland. I have made so many friends that I know I will have for life. I have had an addition to my immediate family in the person of my nephew, Jacob Oliver Philbrook. I have changed jobs three times.
When my mother and brother posed the questions to me on Tuesday, at first I pleaded that I should wait until my party on Friday. I wanted time to think. Then it struck me. I know the most significant event of the last year. It was none of these momentous things I mentioned above. The most significant event was a small moment that happened at a monastery in Taize, France. During my week there I decided to spend the last three days in silence. I knew that my time in Cannes was coming to an end and I was not sure what the next step in my life should be. I wanted to pray and listen to see if I could hear something from God. I was contemplating moving to Chicago to be with my family there or possibly moving back to Los Angeles to be with friends from college. I had not really thought about Austin. I was even considering staying Cannes and working with my church there. All of these ideas were swirling in my head and I was not sure which path was the path that God wanted me to take. I spent many hours in the sanctuary praying. During one of my prayers it suddenly came to me, with clarity, that I should move to Austin, TX. I had been here a few times, but not spent significant amounts of time here. At first I thought, no, this can't be where God wants me to move, yet the more I thought about it and prayed about it the more sure it became. While I was in silence at Taize it was easy to trust and have faith that God wanted me to move to Austin. I was still two months out from moving and of course I would always do what God told me to do. As I came closer to the impending departure and even as I moved here I began to doubt. I began to doubt that God had ever spoken to me. I began to doubt that moving here was a good idea. I began to doubt that it was right for me. Now, as I am preparing to leave Austin for one year, with the hope of coming back, I see just how right Austin was for me. I have made amazing friends here. I have found a church home here. Austin was where I needed to be. Making the decision to move to Austin was not easy, but it was the right decision. I suppose that is why I listen to God, I have faith that the path God shows me is the right path for me. The most significant event of the past year was my decision to move to Austin and then following through on it.
Question number two. "What do you claim as the most signifcant event for the next year?" Once again I wanted an easy out - a way to answer without answering. I wanted to claim that I have no idea what my most significant event of the next year will be. This is true. I am embarking on a mysterious journey very soon. However, even as I do not know that specifics of the most significant event, I can claim that moving to Geneva will probably be the most signifcant event. The move to Geneva is directly related to the move that I took to Austin. Both were made/are being made on faith. I do not have enough money to support myself in Geneva. I do not know how I am going to make it for a year. I have been telling God that I'm not ready to be poor. But, I have faith that this is what God wants me to do. I have faith that God will provide for me. I also have doubts and fears. I have fears of failing. I have seen how well it worked out moving to Austin. When I have my doubts I can just remember what God did for me here. I am hoping and praying that I can remember that. It's often easy to forget. I forget most of the time. I claim that the most significant for the next year will be me moving to Geneva.
On an unrelated note, I got my passport back today from the Swiss Embassy. I have a shiny new visa inside it! There is nothing stopping me now from going. I have my plane tickets. I have my visa. I have all that I need. God will provide the rest. I pray that I can live that. As the preacher said last Sunday at church, the Gospel is not something we believe or preach - rather it is something we live.
When my mother and brother posed the questions to me on Tuesday, at first I pleaded that I should wait until my party on Friday. I wanted time to think. Then it struck me. I know the most significant event of the last year. It was none of these momentous things I mentioned above. The most significant event was a small moment that happened at a monastery in Taize, France. During my week there I decided to spend the last three days in silence. I knew that my time in Cannes was coming to an end and I was not sure what the next step in my life should be. I wanted to pray and listen to see if I could hear something from God. I was contemplating moving to Chicago to be with my family there or possibly moving back to Los Angeles to be with friends from college. I had not really thought about Austin. I was even considering staying Cannes and working with my church there. All of these ideas were swirling in my head and I was not sure which path was the path that God wanted me to take. I spent many hours in the sanctuary praying. During one of my prayers it suddenly came to me, with clarity, that I should move to Austin, TX. I had been here a few times, but not spent significant amounts of time here. At first I thought, no, this can't be where God wants me to move, yet the more I thought about it and prayed about it the more sure it became. While I was in silence at Taize it was easy to trust and have faith that God wanted me to move to Austin. I was still two months out from moving and of course I would always do what God told me to do. As I came closer to the impending departure and even as I moved here I began to doubt. I began to doubt that God had ever spoken to me. I began to doubt that moving here was a good idea. I began to doubt that it was right for me. Now, as I am preparing to leave Austin for one year, with the hope of coming back, I see just how right Austin was for me. I have made amazing friends here. I have found a church home here. Austin was where I needed to be. Making the decision to move to Austin was not easy, but it was the right decision. I suppose that is why I listen to God, I have faith that the path God shows me is the right path for me. The most significant event of the past year was my decision to move to Austin and then following through on it.
Question number two. "What do you claim as the most signifcant event for the next year?" Once again I wanted an easy out - a way to answer without answering. I wanted to claim that I have no idea what my most significant event of the next year will be. This is true. I am embarking on a mysterious journey very soon. However, even as I do not know that specifics of the most significant event, I can claim that moving to Geneva will probably be the most signifcant event. The move to Geneva is directly related to the move that I took to Austin. Both were made/are being made on faith. I do not have enough money to support myself in Geneva. I do not know how I am going to make it for a year. I have been telling God that I'm not ready to be poor. But, I have faith that this is what God wants me to do. I have faith that God will provide for me. I also have doubts and fears. I have fears of failing. I have seen how well it worked out moving to Austin. When I have my doubts I can just remember what God did for me here. I am hoping and praying that I can remember that. It's often easy to forget. I forget most of the time. I claim that the most significant for the next year will be me moving to Geneva.
On an unrelated note, I got my passport back today from the Swiss Embassy. I have a shiny new visa inside it! There is nothing stopping me now from going. I have my plane tickets. I have my visa. I have all that I need. God will provide the rest. I pray that I can live that. As the preacher said last Sunday at church, the Gospel is not something we believe or preach - rather it is something we live.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
My Birthday
I turned 25 yesterday. I realized just how blessed I am. I have been living here for about eight months. In that time I've found friends that truly love me and that I truly love. Strangely enough my friends at work are almost all Christian. The General Manager at my work hired a whole new crew and everyone she hired, unbeknownst to her, were Christians. She is a self-described buddhist/atheist. We're like a family. We all love each other and want what's best for each other and have those hard conversations and those loving ones. I have been called out for being lazy. (Read this post where I talked about a specific conversation) I have also been told how lovely and wonderful I am. That happens a lot more often. The girls and guys that I work with make me feel like a better person. For my birthday my coworker got to work half an hour early and decorated the shop with balloons and streamers. We start work at 6:30 am so getting there half an hour early is an endeavor! She also went to bed about the same time as me the night before, 2 am. (Although we were not hanging out together). Another coworker brought me flowers. Two gave me sweet, very touching, cards. The crew that I work with is just amazing. I have learned so much from them. My job there has been such a blessing in my life. I also see my regulars as a part of my family too. One gave me a haiku. He said it was my present to him; but I think it was his present to me. I actually wanted to go to work on my birthday. My birthday was wonderful.
I also had a chance to cook for my brother, sister-in-law and mother on my birthday. That was wonderful to be able to spend time with my family. My family has a tradition of asking two specific questions.
1. What was the most significant event of the past year in your life?
2. What do you claim as the most significant event for the next year?
I will answer those questions in my next post.
I also had a chance to cook for my brother, sister-in-law and mother on my birthday. That was wonderful to be able to spend time with my family. My family has a tradition of asking two specific questions.
1. What was the most significant event of the past year in your life?
2. What do you claim as the most significant event for the next year?
I will answer those questions in my next post.
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