A French Weekend

I am leaving early tomorrow morning to go camping in the south of France. I am so excited about it! I am going to get to see some of my friends that I have not seen since I left France almost ten months ago. These are friends that I had great times with while I lived in France. They are also all French. I am going to have a French weekend in more than on sense of the word. I will probably spend most of the weekend speaking in French with French people while being in France. That is definitely a "French" weekend.

Today was another of our Ecumenical Learning Sessions. It was interesting. The guest speaker was the director of Faith and Order. When is not directing Faith and Order he is a professor in Canada of Church History. Today's lesson was on, surprisingly enough, Church History. We learned about Church Unity and Church Disunity. For me, one of the most important things I took away from this lesson was that not everyone sees the history of the Church in the same way. The way we view the "history" flavors how we interact with people from other denominations today. Being raised in the Episcopal Church I speak the "Episcopal" (or Anglican) language. I see things in the way of an Episcopalian. I can't help it. It's not good or bad; it's just the way it is. I hadn't thought about the way my personal Church history affects the way I interact with my fellow interns here and the people that I meet that go to different Churches, or don't go to Church at all. Learning that I see them through a certain lens is helpful. It's also helpful to learn that they see me through their lens. That some things I may not have anything to do with and I may not even know about, but I am being perceived in relationship to certain events in history.

I apologize in advance for the long absence. I will not post anything until I return to work on Monday, May 4th.

Meetings, meetings, meetings

I have learned that here in the Ecumenical Centre things are done with meetings. We meet and we discuss. Decisions are made. Decisions are postponed. We decide to meet at a later date to decide things. Meetings. I spend a lot of my time in meetings, both official and unofficial.

There are the "official" meetings that are planned weeks, months, or even years in advance. The Ecumenical Centre is also the scene of "unofficial" meetings. We meet and talk and learn and discuss because we all have the same passions, but we all have very different understandings about where these passions derive their meaning. Yet, we are all united under the title "Christian." Today at lunch I sat with two young men, from very different parts of the world, and heard them discuss intelligently the political situations in their respective countries. It was fascinating to listen to them, both relatively well informed about the situation in the others' country, as they really began to learn, as I really began to learn, what is going on in the eyes of a countryman. These are also meetings.

When we have these unofficial meetings we learn from each other. When we have these official meetings we learn from each other. The difference is in the content of our learning. Often the official meetings we learn about people's theological opinions and their organization's official stance. In these unofficial meetings over lunch or coffee or ecumenical drink we learn about their personal background, their personal feelings, their personal beliefs, their personal story. Both of these kinds of meetings are Ecumenical. Both of these kinds of meetings are the work of those of us that choose to live our lives in this way. Those of us that choose to live into existence this Ecumenical Movement that we are creating in the here and now.

Reflecting on my blog

The last entry I wrote was about my work here. I see this blog as part of my work. I see this blog as a way for me to reflect on what I am doing while I am doing it. Sometimes it is hard to do that. When you are in the forest you cannot accurately say how big it is. Yet you can see the tree that is standing just in front of you in a way that you could not if you were in a helicopter looking down on the green expanse below. I believe that both viewpoints are necessary, although they cannot be actively experienced at the same time. Hopefully I can take what I learn in the forest with me into the helicopter or vice verse.

That is neither here nor there. My work here in the office has been taken over by work on the Red Book and Federation News. When I first arrived I felt like I had very little idea about what exactly I was supposed to do. Now I know what I am expected to do, but it seems almost overwhelming. Almost I say, because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. We are going to have both these documents done in the next two weeks! I am working on making sure that they are done well. Incredible. My work here will contribute to the success of the Federation. It is a great feeling.

As for my life outside of work I am also having a good time. I met up with an old friend last night. It was so nice to see someone that I hadn't see in a year. It was also nice to have a night where I just hung out and spoke in French. I really miss just living in French. I live in English here. I speak French occasionally, I even might get complimented on it, but my life (my work, my friends my meaningful relationships etc.) is in English. I suppose that is what I expected moving here. France is such an interesting place. My friend is currently looking for a job. In France, if you are looking for a job you get money from the State. They understand that you need to live. He pointed out, though, that since the you get so much money from the State the employer pays a hefty tax to the government on every employee. Therefore it is harder to get a job because the Employer doesn't want to hire someone who will not be worth the money they have to pay both to the employee and the government. I think it's worth it - but then again I am working for very little. I guess you could even say that I am paying to work here. Fundraising. It's a constant thought in the back of my head. Constant. At least that means I
am praying about it a lot.

I have to get back to my many documents for the Red Book and Federation News! I will put up some pictures of my Wine Tasting from last Saturday, assuming I get some from my friends, and of my brilliant soccer game on Sunday. I am still sore from that game. (I also learned the word for sore last night!)

Over Easter Weekend

Easter for those of us that use the Catholic calendar was just over a week ago. For most Orthodox churches it was yesterday. Today we celebrated worship in the Ecumenical Center. The Interns were in charge of "planning" the worship. We decided to do things a little differently. Instead of giving everyone paper that told them exactly what to do and when, we just gave them song lyrics and prayers. We announced what we were doing. We also did not do a sermon. Instead we did a "skit" during the reading of the Gospel. I think it was powerful. It is hard to tell, because I was so involved in it. From the feedback I got, though, I think people got the message. This worship service was the first since both Easters have been celebrated. Our theme was Peace. In the Gospel that we read John 20:19-35. Jesus says to his disciples three times, "Peace be with you." We focused on the inner peace and inner strength that Jesus gives us. We did not only focus on that peace, we focused on peace in the world and peace among neighbors. We prayed for Somalia and Djibouti. I thought the service went well. I really enjoyed preparing it with my fellow interns. They are some wonderful people!

I am back to work now. We are working on fundraising. It is a serious need right now. I am hopeful that people will be moved by the letter that I sent. I am also going to start praying much more often and more seriuosly. Honestly, if anyone reading this knows of anyone that might be interested in my work or the work of WSCF, please, please, let me know. I am looking at all possible sources of funding. My main priority is fundraising, however, without funding I cannot do all these wonderful other things.

This weekend was a good one. I did not do much, except hang out with friends and enjoy the sunshine. I think that qualifies as relaxing. I did spend some time in the weekly flea market. It is amazing all the things you can buy there! I was overwhelmed by the amount of things and the quality and the price. I am definitely planning to go back.

Happy Easter!

Fundraising Letter

April 14, 2009
Dear Loved Ones,

During Holy Week we remember Christ’s death and resurrection- resurrection that makes possible our new life in Christ. Easter is a chance for new beginnings. I am also beginning a new part of my life. I began a year as the Communications Intern with the World Student Christian Federation (WSCF) in mid March. WSCF is also beginning a new phase of truly global integration making sure that this generation of students’ voices from all parts of the world are heard. I am excited to be a part of WSCF as it brings together Christian students from around the world to work towards peace in their own countries as well as globally. I have included a pamphlet for you that can tell you more about WSCF. I have begun a blog to share all of my joys and challenges and adventures and hopes and ideas with the world. www.maryanningeneva.blogspot.com. Please check that as I try to update it almost every day.

My work is a cornucopia of different jobs: editing journals, advocacy and networking within the WSCF as well as with other ecumenical organizations. This wide variety of work is both rewarding and challenging. The rewarding part is being an integral part of the office here. I see how my work is helping to pull together the work that everyone in the office doing . We are working together so that our vision and hope for God’s Kingdom here on Earth is brought closer to fruition. I am inspired by the work that I see being done and that I am helping to accomplish here. I am challenged because I have to take the initiative to make sure that I am using my time and talents resourcefully. I am helping to bring out my own potential as well as those with whom I work. I must work harder and in a more creative manner than I ever have before.

I see my year here as a preparation for my life back in the United States. I know that working with the WSCF will help me to discern the next steps in my vocational calling. Although I only lived in Austin a few months before moving here, I really began to feel at home there. When I return to Austin I am looking forward to again being active at St. James’ Episcopal Church. During this year I will gain experience that will help me discern my calling with clarity.

Thank you for the many ways that you have and continue to support me. I am very grateful because your donations and prayers have gotten me this far. In order for me to continue my work for an entire year I will need $23,500. Through monetary donations and pledges I have raised just over $6,500! I also received support in the form of an airline ticket as well as a computer and clothing! However, I am still very far from raising enough money to support me for an entire year. I am challenged to pray harder and work harder so that I can make sure I raise the remaining $17,000. The WSCF has promised that I will be able to stay through June. At that time we will re-evaluate our financial situation, if I do not have the majority of my money raised or pledged than I will look at going back to the United States before March.

Please send donations to the WSCF Trustees in New York. Their address is :
Trustees of the WSCF
c/o Rev. Jorge Domingues,
475 Riverside Drive, Room 1340,
New York, NY 10115

Please mark all checks with “Communications Intern.” They will be tax deductible. Please let me know if you think of anyone, or any organization, that would be interested in supporting this work.

I am excited to be a part of the WSCF. Even though I have only been here a few weeks, I know that the work that I am doing here is important in my life and in my vocational discernment. I am humbled to think that my work will also bless the lives of students around the world. I wish you all a Happy Easter!

In Christ’s Peace and Grace,



Maryann Philbrook

A Very Full Day

Today was a very busy and full day. I spent the morning with the other Ecumenical Interns (Interns from the WCC, YMCA and YWCA) for our regular Ecumenical Training session. We talked today about prayer and styles of worship. We ended with a time to paint/draw our "spirituality of resistance." It was an interesting session. After that I was rushed off to a meeting to talk about in-house fundraising. That was also interesting. I have learned a lot about where WSCF stands monetarily and I think I understand better now what I have to do in relationship to my own and the WSCF funds. Then it was time for a late lunch. I am currently working on reading old copies of the Federation News. This is our twice annual newsletter that updates the world on what WSCF is doing. I am catching up on what WSCF has been doing over the past four years. I have also started a conversation with the editor of the Red Book. This is our annual report. I am going to be helping to get that published this next month. I am reading the older copies of that too. In addition I am working on my own fundraising letter. I am starting to feel like there is work that I know I need to do.

On a personal note, the foyer that I moved into yesterday is a bit depressing. I am very grateful to have a place to stay, however, I need to do some work to make it like home. I am going to go shopping this afternoon to buy some basic kitchen things as well as a towel. I am still looking for better housing. I actually have a house that I am going to go see tonight. Last night, Tin Tin, a girl from my church, who also lives in the foyer, was nice enough to give me dinner and get me set up nicely. Otherwise I might have gone hungry while I was feeling sorry for myself. That would have been really sorry!

Nothing to say

I am working on another fundraising letter. I am planning to mail it on Friday. If everything goes well I will post it here in a few weeks. I don't want anyone to read something here before they get it in the mail. Getting a letter is so rare these days that I want people to be able to truly enjoy that. It is hard going, though. I am not sure what to say. I want to tell people about my work here - but I what do I tell them. Do I tell them the many different things I have done (Met with the Zimbabwean organization, Youth Empowerment and Transformation, attended a meeting at the United Nations, talked with a man from Rwanda about his experiences, spent much time learning about the cultures of my colleagues, talked about HIV/AIDS in context of our spirituality and what the Pope recently said, and prepared presentations on what the WSCF does.) I am doing all of this while I am also trying to learn the inner workings of this organization. What is the IRO? (It is the office where I work). What is the UNDP? (It is the United Nation's Development Program). Like all organizations there are important people to know. (A few days ago I accidentally asked a former General Secretary if she was the former assistant... oops). I am learning slowly. I am also concerned that I will not be able to stay until March of next year. God willing, I will be able to, but perhaps I will be heading back to Austin in only a few months. I need to start praying harder! Prayer is our way of changing our own hearts, by listening to God. I am still working on fundraising. I am still praying.

I suppose it's not that I don't have anything to say - I clearly have quite a lot to say - but I don't know what to say or how to say it.

Housing Search

I have been here in Geneva just over a week. Luckly, the General Secretary of the WSCF has been on vacation. This is lucky because I am getting to use his office and live in his flat while he is gone. I did not know this when I arrived. I was worried about where I was going to sleep that night, but God provided for me. During this week I have been looking for housing. I did some searching before I came, and I read about the "housing crisis" that Geneva is facing. I thought I would still be able to find something rather reasonably. I have so far been to see three different living options. The first was by far the most reasonably priced, however, there were many drawbacks. A woman here would rent her attic room out for only 200francs in exchagne for babysitting two nights a week. Atlhough this seems reasonable at first, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was not a good idea. Firstly, her house was situated far from where I work. In addition to that, the room was small and the living situation would be difficult. I cannot imagine sharing one bathroom with two children and another adult. So, I politely said I would continue searching. I looked at another apartment a few days ago. For only 825 francs ($732)I could have a room in a small two room apartment. The kitchen was tiny. There was no shared space. (I imagine this was originally a one bedroom apartment that the current tenant was choosing to live in the living room and rent out the bedroom) I also have declined that apartment. I have been to see one other room. This room I am very excited about. Although I have not found out yet if I will get it. The room is in a house (!) in Carouge. This is an area of Geneva that is like an older smaller village. It is not very close to my work - but my work is easily accessible by tram and bus from this house. I would have my own room, but have 6 other housemates. The kitchen is HUGE! Which is important for me as I love to cook and spend time in the kitchen. They also have a very large living room and a smaller salon. I am hopeful that I will get this house. They interviewed a few people last night and they said they will decide over the weekend. I am hoping and praying that I can live in that house.


I just finished a meeting and lunch with a woman from Zimbabwe. We have in our office the Zimbabwe Geneva Advocacy Office. She came to meet with us and talk with us about her work with Youth Empowerment and Transformation in Zimbabwe. Although there are many, many problems right now with the government and the economy in Zimbabwe, I am hopeful because of the work I see people doing here. It is empowering to hear stories of success, and of failure, where people are really being transformed and are creating change. I think that the people I am meeting here are enacting the Gospel.

For the next issue of Federation News, I was asked to write a brief summation of why I am glad I am an intern here. I thought you might like to read it as well. (Federation News is the twice yearly report on what the Student Christian Movements around the Federation are doing.)

One Week

It's Official. I've been in Switzerland exactly one week. One Week! It has been an enormous week. Things I've done this week (not in order of importance)

• Opened a Bank Account - I did that this morning, actually!


• Learned to type on a Swiss keyboard (The Y and Z are reversed, and various punctuation is different)


• Saw two possible housing situations, which I am not going to take


• Got a video card - I can rent videos now!


• Made Banana Bread


• Went grocery shopping


• Read some of the Book of Romans


• Started working with the WSCF


• Attended a meeting that United Nations European Headquarters


• Got a mobile phone with a Swiss number (I will email that out if anyone is interested)


• Got lost


• Had fondue


• Attended Emmanuel Episcopal Church for the first time


• Made some new friends


• Went to a meeting about the Millenium Development Goals


• Went to a party


• Ate a Kebab


• Baked a chocolate cake


• Continued Reading Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller


• Put in my application for my "permis de résidence"


• Learned what WCC, YWCA, UNDP, LWF, and ACT mean.

My week has been very eventful. I am very excited about the WSCF, the work we do and the work that I will be doing to make that happen. I am still in the process of figuring out exactly what my job will look like. I am very hopeful, though. I am praying for guidance in my work and personally as I set up a life here in Geneva.

Saturday

I think I am mostly over jet-lag. Of course saying that will mean that I will be hit by a very severe case of jet-lag tonight. I've never found jet lag to be too hard to overcome. That is because I can always sleep. Even when I get 8 or 9 hours of sleep at night I still want to take a nap the next day for at least an hour. I sleep a lot. I think it's good for me.

Saturday. Today is Saturday. I got all my shopping done this morning. I finally got a Swiss adaptor, so now I am using my computer. They only had European to Swiss at the store, so my US plug is plugged into an adaptor for Europe which is then plugged into the Swiss adaptor which is then plugged into the wall. Perhaps not ideal, but it works. I had taken some things for granted here in Switzerland and just assumed they would be like France. However, I am learning very quickly that this is NOT France.

I have nothing to do today until 6 pm. At 6 o'clock tonight I have my first party. Two of the World Council of Churches' Interns are hosting a party tonight. I am going to bake chocolate cake (or maybe cupcakes) for the party. Of course I will also bring a bottle of wine.

I survived two days of work. Yesterday was different. Both Charite and Christine were out sick. Henriette doesn't work on Fridays. So, it was just Monika and I. I also met with Laurent and talked about my salary. I have a retirement plan! When I turn 65 I can claim retirement from the Swiss Government. First time in my life that I've had a retirement plan.

Fundraising update:

I totalled all my donations and all donations given to the NY WSCF office and pledged donations. I have raised just over $6,000 USD. I am very happy with that amount of money. I wanted to have about $5,000 USD before I arrived here in Geneva. So I am over my goal! However, I found out that my fundraising does not influence the amount of money I will be paid. The WSCF will pay me a full month's salary every month. However, if I have not raised enough money to cover my expenses then perhaps I will leave early. In the past the WSCF has taken a loss on the interns. However, this year the WSCF is facing a financial crisis, like so many other organizations and the world, so they are not sure that they will have the excess capital that they used in the past to cover the interns' cost. This means two things for me, one positive and one more difficult. Firstly, it means that I do not have to worry about having enough money each month. The salary the WSCF is giving me will be adequate to live in Geneva. That is good - I will be able to afford a place to live and have food to eat. However, on the other hand it means that no matter how frugally I can live I will still have to raise the full amount for my salary, more than $20,000 USD. Although, the WSCF might be able to supplement my money depending on their fundraising. However, I have a very long way to go.

Yesterday I met with the woman who was offering the reduced cost housing. She is very nice, however I have decided to not accept her offer. I think that I want more freedom in my living situation. I am still looking for housing. I have free housing until the end of March and then I will have to find something else. We have lined up a temporary place for at least April, but I am still looking. I am also praying for guidance in my housing situation. I know that turning down such inexpensive housing is risky, but I feel that it is not the right situation for me.

First Impressions and First Days

In my last post I simply stated that I was here in Geneva and that I had made it to the offices of the World Student Christian Federation. I will tell you a little more about exactly what I've been doing in the past 48 hours. It has been an eventful 48 hours.
Noon Wednesday: I arrive at the Geneva International Airport. After a small luggage scare (I thought my bags did not arrive, but in reality I was just at the wrong turnstile..oops). Christine Housel meets me at customs. She is my direct supervisor. I had never met her before so she had a nice little sign that said "Maryann Philbrook". Christine is an American woman who has been living in Geneva for 7 years now. She is also an Episcopalian. (Although we are an ecumenical groups everyone that works here is Anglican).

13:00 Lunch with Christine at Cafe du soleil. We have traditional fondue. Very tasty! Hot melty cheese that we dip small pieces of bread into. Yum. We also have a side cured meats and a small salad. A perfect introduction to Geneva.

15:00 Meet people at the office. Charité, the Human Rights intern. She is amazing. I'm looking forward to working with her. Henriette, the accountant. She's in charge of money. I don't get to meet Monika or Marlin. They're both out of the office. I get to spend a little bit of time on the internet.

17:00 Get a ride to my temporary home. Michael, the director is out of town for the month of March. He and his wife and kids are at home, in New Zealand, visiting friends and family while he is getting ordained. So I am staying in his house and using his office. Pretty swank digs for someone just arriving. I was so worried about where I was going to stay, but God and the people here at WSCF took care of me. Thank You!

18:00 After my shower, I go to the local grocery store. I wander around in a jet-lagged daze and pick out a few items for dinner and breakfast the next morning.

19:00 zzzzz...zzzzz...

6:45 am. Woke up and can't go back to sleep. That could be because I went to bed at 7 o'clock last night... Christine had said she would pick me up at 9 am to take me to the Office to get my ID card. So I have some time. I make myself a leisurely breakfast and then I decide to read the Student World from 2007. The theme is migration; there are articles from students and clergy discussing different ideas.

9:15 No Christine. I decide to brave the Swiss phones and use the one in the house to call the number I had been given for Christine. An automated message in German. Oops. I try the number I had been given for Charité. No answer. I try the WSCF offices. No answer. What to do next?

9:45 Still no Christine. I try all the numbers again. Finally, when I call the number for Charité I hear an American accented voice. Christine? Apparently, she had not recovered from her jet lag yet - she got back from the States on Tuesday. So she had not slept at all the night before and then slept through her alarm. Change of plans. She gave me directions to the office on the Public Transit. Let's meet at the office for a 1pm meeting at the UN.

10:00 I take the tram into town. It is surprisingly easy. Michael lives about 45 minutes out from the office. I simply take the tram until the final stop. Then I transfer to a bus and get off and walk to the front doors of the Ecumenical Center. (The Ecumenical Center is where the World Council of Churches is headquartered). This is where it gets difficult. This building was clearly built in phases. Some of the stairs and elevators go up to the 3rd floor. However, I work on the 4th floor. I have the receptionist call the office so that someone can meet me to walk me up to the offices.

11:15 I arrive and Henriette guides me to the offices. She looks to see if Monika is there. No Monika. Let's meet Marlin next. Henriette knocks on a closed door and dumps me into a conference of some sort. I sit down next to Charité. Marlin, I assume, is talking about his advocacy work in Zimbabwe. It is fascinating to hear about the work that he has done and the real threats that he is facing and overcoming to help bring stability to his country. Very inspiring guy.

12.45 Charité and I discuss our upcoming visit to the UN. It is also her first time. Christine arrives and whisks us away to the UN. Since we are running late she drops us off the Security Entrance where we can get our badges. She runs off to the meeting. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes (only to discover that an agent was free the whole time but was not signalling us!) we finally talk to an agent. We give him our paperwork and he makes us fill out another form. Then we take a picture and get a badge. I have a badge for the UN. I can go anytime I want to any of the "public" events. I will have to find some in the next few weeks to take advantage of this privilege.

13:35 Wander the halls of the UN looking for the "NGO Room." No one seems to have heard of it or know where it is. The meeting started at 1, so we are running rather late and we're both desperately hungry. Finally, in a last ditch effort before giving up and going to the Cafeteria we ask a security guard. He DOES know where it is. It's actually next to the Cafeteria. We find it and interrupt the meeting, only 45 minutes late.

14:30 Meeting adjourned. We leave with Christine. She runs into a colleague, who's statement she has to sign. Charité goes back to the office for a 3 o'clock meeting. I hang out with Christine while we wait to sign the statements. (At the UN NGO's can create statements about upcoming resolutions. Other NGO's can then sign them, putting more weight behind the statement.) I chat with some other interns that work in this same building, but for a different organization.

16:25 Finally make it back to the office. Get a minute to check my email.

17:15 Christine calls to me from the hall. An impromptu celebration of my arrival. Complete with Chocolate Cake and Sparkling Apple Juice. So sweet!

18:00 Charité and I leave to run some errands. I get a monthly bus pass. She tries to get her phone fixed, only the store is closed. So we end up eating at Kebab place near the train station.

19:45 Head home.

20:10 I arrive at my temporary flat. Read some more the book Searching for God Knows What.

21:00 Get into bed to read.... I can't believe I've only been in this country for 40 hours or so.

Okay, well that's enough for now. I will post more later on my reflections on all these amazing things.

Almost leaving

I get on a plane in a little over 16 hours. I am not packed yet. (to be fair, I WAS packed when I left Austin, but I have to repack because of weight limitations). I am going to do that tonight. And everything else. Too much to do!

I wrote a post the night that I arrived here at my Parents' but I wrote it on my laptop. My laptop cannot connect to the Wireless here. So my post is sitting very nicely on my computer waiting to be uploaded. I'll probably do that tomorrow while I'm at the airport. I will spend a lot of time tomorrow in planes and at airports. In fact, I'll spend so much time it won't even be tomorrow when I finally arrive in Geneva, it will be the day after tomorrow!

I found out a housing possibility in Geneva. A woman is looking for help with her two kids a couple nights a week, in exchange I'd have a room in her house for less money. It is close to where I'll be working too! I am planning to meet with her either Wednesday or Thursday. I am hoping that this will work out for both of us. Saving money on my housing would be a huge help in the financial department. I am still very nervous about my money, but feeling less so in recent weeks because I've received quite a few donations. (I talk about this in the post I haven't yet posted).

I am glad I have a few days to spend here with my parents. Having a few days to decompress and figure out exactly what I'm doing in Geneva is good for me. I have a little pause before I start my next big adventure. My last week in Austin was very rushed. I felt like I was trying to squeeze as much in as possible. I am grateful for the rest that I can get here.

Don't lose faith

I have amazing friends and coworkers here. As I'm preparing to move to Switzerland the people at my coffee shop and nothing but supportive. One of my regulars gave me a rather sizable donation today. I am so grateful to him! I am more than appreciative for that. Another regular told me I was an inspiration. My coworkers and many of my regulars signed a big poster for me that I am going to bring with me to Geneva to remember all the wonderful people here. When other people love us so openly and genuinely we get a small glimpse of God's love. Some of my friends from Church gave me suitcases! I am so loved. God is so generous and amazing! Thank You!!!

What's amazing is that many of my coworkers are also people of faith. (see my previous blog ) One of my coworkers wrote on my big, poster-sized card that as long I don't lose my faith I will be successful. He is right. As long I remember that God is going to provide for me, as my other coworkers constantly remind me, I cannot fail. I also read my horoscope today. I don't give them much sway. However, today's was very fitting. As another one of my coworkers and friends tells me often, I cannot be lazy. I cannot hold back anymore. That is what my horoscope is telling me. I have to just take that leap into the unknown and have trust and faith that God will provide for me more abundantly than I can imagine. Which God has already done for me, but I am still uncertain about this leap, about how much God will provide this time. Monetarily, I'm doing better than I thought I would be. I have no reason to worry, but I still do. That is the way of life. I am going to try not to worry.

Tomorrow I'll post some more thoughts on Roman's. I'd like to do the whole book before the end of Lent, but somehow I doubt that will happen. Maybe I'll keep on doing it after Lent. I have four full days left in the United States!

Overwhelming

Things are seeming a little overwhelming here right now. I have been so focused on leaving and saying goodbye and spending time with people that I have been neglectful of my fundraising. Now things have piled up a bit and I am feeling overwhelmed. I am also overwhelmed by all my wonderful friends here. I want to spend as much time with them as possible.

I also think that I am daunted by the fact that I am actually going to go to Geneva without enough money to support me for an entire year. I am really relying on my faith. I have raised as much money as I had hoped to by this time, but I am still short of my entire salary. However, as one of my coworkers constantly reminds me, God will provide. I am going to live as if I had faith. I will live it until it becomes true. I suppose that is what faith is. I still feel overwhelmed, though.

Yesterday I did spend some time working on my fundraising. Instead of going out with one of my friends I wrote Thank You notes to the people from my Church here in Austin that have given me money. I also called the priest from my Church in Los Angeles and talked with her about my trip. Unfortunately they cannot give me any monetary support, although I am sure their prayers will be with me. Prayers are very valuable. Perhaps even more valuable than direct support.

If I am going to be living like I have faith I suppose I have to let go of my fears that overwhelm me. Maybe tomorrow.

Answering the Birthday Questions

I ended my last post with the two questions that my family always asks on birthdays. The first is "What was the most significant event of the past year?" The second is similar: "What do you claim as the most significant event of the upcoming year?" I have been answering these questions since I can remember having a birthday. When I was younger it was often a trite answer of something that had happened in the recent past. Now I like to think and reflect on these questions. Really think about all the significant things that have happened to me in the past 12 months and then find the one that is the most significant. This year that is especially difficult. In the past year I have moved from Cannes, France to Austin, TX and prepared to move to Geneva, Switzerland. I have made so many friends that I know I will have for life. I have had an addition to my immediate family in the person of my nephew, Jacob Oliver Philbrook. I have changed jobs three times.

When my mother and brother posed the questions to me on Tuesday, at first I pleaded that I should wait until my party on Friday. I wanted time to think. Then it struck me. I know the most significant event of the last year. It was none of these momentous things I mentioned above. The most significant event was a small moment that happened at a monastery in Taize, France. During my week there I decided to spend the last three days in silence. I knew that my time in Cannes was coming to an end and I was not sure what the next step in my life should be. I wanted to pray and listen to see if I could hear something from God. I was contemplating moving to Chicago to be with my family there or possibly moving back to Los Angeles to be with friends from college. I had not really thought about Austin. I was even considering staying Cannes and working with my church there. All of these ideas were swirling in my head and I was not sure which path was the path that God wanted me to take. I spent many hours in the sanctuary praying. During one of my prayers it suddenly came to me, with clarity, that I should move to Austin, TX. I had been here a few times, but not spent significant amounts of time here. At first I thought, no, this can't be where God wants me to move, yet the more I thought about it and prayed about it the more sure it became. While I was in silence at Taize it was easy to trust and have faith that God wanted me to move to Austin. I was still two months out from moving and of course I would always do what God told me to do. As I came closer to the impending departure and even as I moved here I began to doubt. I began to doubt that God had ever spoken to me. I began to doubt that moving here was a good idea. I began to doubt that it was right for me. Now, as I am preparing to leave Austin for one year, with the hope of coming back, I see just how right Austin was for me. I have made amazing friends here. I have found a church home here. Austin was where I needed to be. Making the decision to move to Austin was not easy, but it was the right decision. I suppose that is why I listen to God, I have faith that the path God shows me is the right path for me. The most significant event of the past year was my decision to move to Austin and then following through on it.

Question number two. "What do you claim as the most signifcant event for the next year?" Once again I wanted an easy out - a way to answer without answering. I wanted to claim that I have no idea what my most significant event of the next year will be. This is true. I am embarking on a mysterious journey very soon. However, even as I do not know that specifics of the most significant event, I can claim that moving to Geneva will probably be the most signifcant event. The move to Geneva is directly related to the move that I took to Austin. Both were made/are being made on faith. I do not have enough money to support myself in Geneva. I do not know how I am going to make it for a year. I have been telling God that I'm not ready to be poor. But, I have faith that this is what God wants me to do. I have faith that God will provide for me. I also have doubts and fears. I have fears of failing. I have seen how well it worked out moving to Austin. When I have my doubts I can just remember what God did for me here. I am hoping and praying that I can remember that. It's often easy to forget. I forget most of the time. I claim that the most significant for the next year will be me moving to Geneva.


On an unrelated note, I got my passport back today from the Swiss Embassy. I have a shiny new visa inside it! There is nothing stopping me now from going. I have my plane tickets. I have my visa. I have all that I need. God will provide the rest. I pray that I can live that. As the preacher said last Sunday at church, the Gospel is not something we believe or preach - rather it is something we live.

Camping

I am going camping tomorrow with some of my friends from Church. I am very excited about it; although I haven't been camping since I was a kid. We are going out of town about an hour and half to a State Park. It will be a chance for me to get out of the city. To really experience nature. I am not a nature person. I mean woods are pretty and all - but I would pick a city any day over the mountains.

I am really going for the fellowship and companionship. I have grown to love my friends from Church in the past few months. We have a small, but tight knit, group of 20/30 somethings. We hang out quite a bit. I really consider them some of my closest friends here. I love the freedom of being able to be open up about my faith as well as all the other aspects of my life. In the past I've found that I have compartmentalize my friends. I have friends from Church that I talk to about the grandiose dreams of God and Faith and Trust and Love but I can't talk to them about the things that I dreamt the night before. Then I have my "secular" friends. I can talk to them about the taste of the Guiness I had last night or how much I like to smoke hookah. Yet, when I mention God, or my calling to the priesthood, their faces look at me differently. I am always looking for the friends that I can be truly open with - the friends that I can tell, over a pint, how blessed I feel - or how I'm struggling with what to do during Lent. I have found some of those friends here in Austin. It is with those friends that I'm going camping this weekend.

It's not a "retreat" per se. We don't have special, holy stuff planned - but I hope/pray that we will have some God moments out there. In a way you could say this was my going away retreat with my friends from Church. This will be a wonderful weekend.

On another note, I did decide what I am going to do for Lent. I am going to read and study the book of Romans. I started last night. I'll read a little bit every day. When I finish I'll start over again. I was struck by a few things last night. I will turn them into some more formal thoughts and eventually I'll post them here.

I won't post again for a few days. If you wonder where I am, just picture me in the woods reading Romans.

One last hiccup in the visa process

I got a call yesterday from the Swiss Consulate. The man on the phone, in a rather thick Swiss French accent, informed me that all my paperwork was in order but there was a small problem with my photos. I had to send two passport type photos along with my application. Apparently, you can't show your teeth in your passport photos. Since my teeth were showing I would have to send in two new photos. You can look here to see what a "good" passport photo looks like. My photos would be the ones with the little red X in the corner.

All that being said - everything else is in order. As soon as they get my photos they will process my visa and send my passport back to me. Of all the things that could go wrong, this is the most minor.

I also got my final flight confirmation today. I also bought my ticket to go to Houston from Edinburg, TX a few days ago!

I will post some pictures of Switzerland once I get there. I haven't put any pictures up yet because I've decided to only post pictures of me once I'm actually in Geneva.

Overcoming Fear

I finally called Wilma today. She is one of the priests at All Saints in Pasadena. That's the church I went to while I was in college. I would say that I gained some key understandings of faith and actions while I was there. I dearly love that church. I had been shy about calling her because, sadly, we had fallen out touch the past few years. I hate calling someone only when you need money or something else from them. I am glad that I called her, though. I left her a message so hopefully she will call me back soon. It is also good to overcome my fear. My fears of being rejected and my fears of being seen as mercenary. It's done.

Last night I received another gift. My very generous brother and sister-in-law gave me a computer! Many of you may know that I did not have a laptop of my own. Now I do! I am very, very thankful to them. This will make my travel and work much easier. I am so grateful and excited about it.

Yesterday while at work I had a very interesting conversation with one of my regulars. We always have very enlightening conversations. Yesterday we were talking about self-image and how we see ourselves. I started sharing some of my doubts about this upcoming trip and my ability to succeed. Some of my doubts about God providing for me. He very cleverly asked me, "When has God ever let you down?" Of course the answer is "Never." It's true, I can't think of a single time when I have ever been "let down" by God. Then my friend went on to list all the things that I've been given during the course of my preparation for this endeavor: an airplane ticket, a computer, $5,000.00, free housing here in Austin so that I can save money, and love and prayers from so many people. Then he asked "What more could you want?" And without thinking, I said "Housing would be nice." That's when my friend told me, "God thinks you're high maintenance." It was in jest, or course. I've been thinking about this, though. God gives me so much and yet I'm still wanting more. Even when I recognize all the things that I've been given I say to myself, "I need $10,000 and then I won't have to worry about anything." or "If I had housing provided I could make it all year in Geneva." I have so many things in my mind that I NEED. I won't have them before I go. God laughs when we make plans.

March 17th.

March 17th. That's my day. Fourteen days after I turn 25 I will leave the United States once again and begin a journey that is still a mystery.

I received an email today saying that the Swiss Government, in all their efficacy, had decided to grant me a visa. Today I went to the post office and sent my visa application, my passport, some photos and some money to Atlanta. In a week or so I should get an envelope back with that same passport. The only difference will be that I will have one less blank page. I will instead have a sticker that gives me the right to travel freely within Europe and to live freely within Switzerland.

Today was a fitting day for me to get this visa. Last night a good friend of mine told me what I needed to hear. Honestly, I'm glad she was so open with me and blunt. Yet is always hard to hear your faults; especially when you already know them but are not yet ready to face them. She told me that I had to stop being lazy. I know (and have known for some time now) that I am extremely lazy. When I tell some people this they look at me as if I speaking Greek. They don't believe me or they don't understand what I mean when I say lazy. Yet my friend, even the first time I told her I was lazy, looked at me and said "Yeah, you're right." When I say I am "lazy." I don't mean that I sit around and do nothing all the time. (although I do watch a lot of TV and movies). I don't mean that I lack motivation or that I don't take advantage of opportunities that come to me. When something comes to me I take advantage of it. I don't go that extra mile, though. Jesus said that when a soldier asks you to carry his gear for one mile you were supposed to carry it for two. (This is really non-violent resistance, but that's for another day and another post.) I would carry the gear for maybe half a mile. Then I'd get tired and put it down and move onto something new. That is my laziness. For the first half mile I'd be the best carrier I could ever be. I'd be carrying it as best as I could. But then my laziness would kick in. I would want to just stop. All of this relates to my life right now because I am at that half mile point. I am the point where I NEED to stop being lazy. I am the point where I can't put down the gear and move onto something new. Instead I need to invest renewed energy into my fundraising. I fail to fully invest because then I'm not really risking anything. I'm not risking being hurt emotionally. I'm not risking failure. I'm also not risking success. I have the illusion of success. Other people see it as success. I know it's not real success. I've only gone half a mile when Jesus is calling me to go for two miles. In order to have real success I need to have real risk. I am beginning to overcome that fear. Part of the reason is that I see what the people at the World Student Christian Federation are doing and I want to be a part of it. I see the differences they are making. The people there in Geneva have decided to trust me to work with them. I want to be able to give myself 100% to this job that I'm doing. I don't want to begin and then fade and eventually be too lazy to really make a difference. I'm not going to be lazy anymore; I'm going to go for two miles.

Unexpected Graces

I have been feeling a little down recently. Not really sure what to do next. If you've been following my posts you can see how I've been feeling a little down.

I'm still a little unsure but on Saturday I got a few big surprises. My money I had raised more than doubled overnight. A woman from St. James, who had promised to donate, sent a letter to my parents explaining that she actually had donated to the NY offices. She donated $500.00. Plus she pledged an extra $500.00 three more times in the year. That is $2,000.00. As much money as I had already raised, plus some. Then my sister-in-law's parents gave me money, plus pledged to send money every month!

The total that I now have, between what I have been given and what has been donated/pledged in my name to the NY office total $5,064.63. I am so in awe! That does not include the price of the plane ticket that is being given to me.

I still have one more Sunday at St. James. Ryan, is going to tell the 10:15 service that he is donating to me. Hopefully, I some more money will come out of that. I am so excited about this mission. I really want St. James to be involved in what I'm doing, I know that the work the WSCF does is the work that they want to be supporting in the world.

I am also going to call All Saints in Pasadena, where I used to go to Church. I have been too shy or nervous or something to call the priests there. Yet, I know that the people there will be supportive of me.

On a more spiritual note, I have been thinking about Lent. Lent is the season in the church where we remember Jesus' 40 days and 40 nights spent in the desert before he began his ministry. This is a serendipitous time for me because Lent happens to be just before I am leaving to begin a new ministry. I am not sure what I am going to do for this season. I will pray about it. I will also fast about it. I am fasting on Wednesday, which is the first day of Lent. If anyone would like to join me in this fast, please feel free. We can pray together. At the end of the day some of my friends from Church and I are going to break the fast together. Perhaps something will come to me during that day. I will update on here as I decide more.

I am off to write Thank-You notes. I have been neglectful in thanking those that have given me money.