Processing a Labor Day Weekend

This weekend I decided to join the Episcopal Peace Fellowship's conference for young adult Christian Activists.  I didn't know much going into the retreat - but I thought: "Hey this could be a good chance to reconnect with friends from GC77 and go to Chicago." Suffice it to say, I ended up in Chicago with very little idea what was going to happen to me, but I thought I should be here to find out.

This weekend was about finding your voice - the old voice that is within you that is coming forth from you and calling you towards action. Since 2006 I've been considering starting the process to begin thinking about maybe possibly becoming a person that is actively discerning a call ordained ministry.  I need to stop considering and start acting.  My voice is one that proclaims that the people who call themselves Christians need to be in and among and with the poor.  We need to be with those that are suffering.  Our love of God and Christ is something that compels us to love those that the world turns away.  My indecision has caused me to think more about myself than about Christ or anyone else in this world.  It's time for to take the first step.  I need to stop considering starting and start acting.

I assessed my life this weekend - is the life that I'm living expressing my voice? Sadly, the answer is no.  I began to look at the activities that do.  Where am I engaged in the world? What I am doing to use my voice to bless the world? My work with my Church and with Occupy are both integral to my life.  I am an Activist.  I am a Christian.  I cannot choose between the two.  If I am serious about stepping fully into either roll I have to commit 100%.  I cannot   I am already stretched too thin.  I do not have the time to consciously choose my path.  I am so busy running from protest to Church that I do not begin to pray about the protest or tell those within the Church walls about the way that Christ can be found while marching and chanting.  I forget to love all people.  I forget that God promises to provide for us.  My voice is currently being stifled by the busy-ness. 

In my walk with Christ I say that I have faith that God will provide for me both spiritually and physically whatever it is that I need. Yet my life does not necessarily reflect that. I also know that God's vision of what I need may be very different from my assessment of my needs.  I did not know that I needed this retreat this weekend.  (In fact I probably should not have come as I was taking too much time off work this year). 

One of the final thoughts shared in this retreat was that of a quote by Martin Luther King Jr.  in his final speech.  King was talking about the oft-quoted story of the Good Samaritan.  He talks about the Levite and the Priest could have had many reasons for not stopping.  Each of these reasons was in response to the question: "What will happen to me if I stop?".  King turns this questions around suggests that we ask instead: "What will happen to this man if I do NOT stop?"  I am at that point in my journey.  I can no longer be concerned about what will happen to me if I decide to dedicate my life fully to addressing economic inequality in this country.  I can no longer be concerned about what will happen to me if I decide to pursue full time work for social change.  What will happen if I sit by and do nothing.  Our world is in too great of a danger right now.  Our country is at a moment in history that calls all people into action. If I fail to act now I will be the Levite and the Priest who chose to walk on the other side of the road so that they were not defiled.  I cannot leave my brothers and sisters that are lying, possibly dead, beaten and bleeding on the side of the road.  I must act. 

My actions are going to look irresponsible to some but I know that I am stepping out on faith.  As I take this first step my voice may crack and I may not have the words to speak articulately, but as I continue my voice will develop until I am singing a song of praise and thanksgiving.