I suppose I am procrastinating

I suppose I am procrastinating because my To Do List is just getting longer and my blog is not on it. Yet, here I am writing this blog. I am procrastinating.

Normally I procrastinate when I have work that I do not want to do. However, I am looking forward to the work that I'm doing. (well... sort of). It's like when I was in college and had papers to write. I looked forward to having the papers done. I didn't actually look forward to the process of writing them. I looked forward to printing them out (or emailing them in) and then being done. I knew I would get the paper done (and well if I might be so humble) before the deadline. I only asked for an extension once my entire time in college. I usually made good grades, even if it meant staying up all night (or more likely going to bed early and waking up at an ungodly hour to finish my paper). I am honestly a morning person. Or perhaps I work better when there are deadlines. I need to know that I have to turn something in by midnight on September 15. I will turn it in at 12:59. (or If don't think the email will be checked until 8 am - I might send it in at 7:30 am). I need this pressure. I work under this pressure. I work when there is pressure. When there is no pressure everything is amorphous and I end up procrastinating.

Alright now that I've spent an extra 15 minutes writing this I will go back to my work.

On another note - I am going to Lugano this weekend. For this conference. (sorry it's only in French, German and Italian). I am looking forward to getting a taste of Swiss Politics. I haven't really learned much yet about what is going on here in the political realm. I can't even tell you the Prime Minister or President of Switzerland. (the wikipedia article I linked actually tells me that Switzerland doesn't have a Prime Minister or a President, in the traditional sense of the word). Interesting....

Done procrastinating!

Sleepy Time

It's 1 am on Sunday morning and instead of sleeping, which is what I thought I wanted to do, I am writing in this blog. Sorry this week has been a little slow on posts. Due to fighting a cold and the massive amounts of work that I am piling on myself I have not had time to write anymore.

My work seems overwhelming. I am working on publishing the Centennial Edition of Student World. The work is currently slow and tedious. I know it will turn out well, but right now I just feel very unmotivated. I also think there is more work than I know what to do with - but I hope that will pass.

I am also getting more and more excited about my video project that I'm working on. Luckily, I am staying here in Geneva to finish it. I really hope it goes well. I am currently writing a Bible Study for this project. I've never written a Bible Study. I have led Bible Studies many times, but I have never written one for others to lead. This task is daunting. I am really putting myself out there. I will put my opinion and interpretation on the internet(s) for people that I have never met, and probably never will meet, to use as a model for their discussion around the Bible, this most holy text. Who am I to try and help people understand the Bible? I have no official training. I have only my experiences. I've found that often when I was leading Bible Studies (during my college years oh so long ago) that I what I planned would not be where we would go. Or that the insight that I got from the people I was studying with was so much deeper than anything I could have come up with on my own. It is daunting for me to take this Bible Study and say that I have expertise to tell others how to interpret the Bible. However, since we believe in a priesthood of all believers, perhaps I do have the expertise. Perhaps I should trust that Holy Spirit can work through my imperfect words and my imperfect thoughts.

I am just feeling a little overwhelmed with all the tasks I have to do. Next week will be a busy one.

On a positive note, I will get to go to Romania for the European Regional Conference in October. Very excited about that too!

Being home sick

I wrote yesterday on my facebook wall that I was "home sick." When I typed that phrase I meant to update people about my physical whereabouts. I was at my home here in Geneva and I was sick. I spent the day in bed trying to get better so that I could come to work today. I did not mean that phrase in the metaphorical sense where I am mentally anguished because I am missing my home (Austin, TX). However, this day of being "home sick" did coincide with a friend of mine from Austin visiting Geneva. He came to Geneva on business and since he only had a meeting this afternoon we had dinner last night and we will have dinner again tonight.

I am home sick. I desperately want to go home. I will go home, just not yet. When I go home I will be ready. More than ready. Talking to my friend reminded me of all the good things, and all the not so good things that I have in Austin. It is this combination of great friends, an amazing church, complicated relationships and family that make Austin home. If everything were great it would not be "home." If everything were horrible I would not want to go back to that place. However, knowing that things are complicated but that I have a place there makes me even more anxious and excited to be heading back.

I have not ever experienced this before. I have been moving and leaving one life behind for a new adventure. I never had a plan to go back "home" after an adventure ended. I always thought I would move on to the next adventure - I'd always find the next exciting phase in my life. Now I have a home, I have found a place that I want to return to - this is all a new experience for me.

Yesterday I was home sick.

a quiet weekend full of good friends and good times

I had a rather rough week. It was a week of many decisions and many changes. I have t about it - but I want to have the post edited before I put it out there for the entire world to read. (Usually I just sort of type and go, which leads to typos, but also to a very honest, but also a very temporal picture of my feelings).

So I will post about my long weekend instead. This weekend I did not think about work. I did not do any work. I just relaxed. Thursday was a holiday here in Geneva (the Geneva fast). I also took Friday off. That means that as of today, Sunday, I have had four days to not work. I thought I might go to Lugano (the Italian part of Switzerland). Then I got less ambitious and thought maybe I'd go to Bern (in the German part of Switzerland). Then I got even less ambitious and decided to just stay in Geneva. This meant I spent most of the weekend in bed with my computer watching Doctor Who. (Secretly I am a big science fiction nerd and Doctor who is one of my favorites). I also slept a lot. The earliest I woke up was on Friday when I got out of bed by 9, but that was only temporary, I crawled back under the covers at 10:30.

However, I also went out with friends most nights this week and I realized just how happy I am here in Geneva. I truly love my friends that I've made here. They are all so unique and interesting. We are all foreigners passing a moment of our lives here in Geneva. We have nothing in common except for this fact - yet somehow that is enough for us to form these lasting friendships. I am confident that many of these friends will be friends for life. (The people I met while studying abroad or living in Paris or taking a winter class in South Africa are of the same caliber). It is interesting how having to decide to stay in a place or leave a place makes you grateful for you what you have.

I am very excited about going back to Texas eventually, but I am glad it is not yet. Also, this moment cannot and will not last forever. We are all travelers here - none of us are planning to stay in Geneva forever. To try and take this moment and make it last longer would be foolish and ruin it - but to just enjoy the friends that I've made here is what I am doing. I am trying to live in the moment that I have and not worry about what the future will bring - although that is much easier now that I have a more clear picture of what that future will look like.

A Beautiful Weekend

This weekend I went to Zermatt. Zermatt is a small town in the German part of Switzerland where one gets the best view of the Matterhorn. It's the Toblerone Mountain.

The whole trip was incredible. We left about 8 am and took the train for a little more than three hours. We arrived around 12. Lunch - traditional Swiss Rosti. Then off to the mountain. We took the Cable Car up. It took about 50 minutes to get all the way to the top. We were not actually climbing the Matterhorn, but the smaller Matterhorn. That is where you get the best view of said mountain.

Even as we were approaching it was magnificent. I have never seen that much snow at one time. I thought the glacier was the side of the mountain. Seeing something that big was almost overwhelming - but it was more awe inspiring.

The top of the Mountain was incredible. All around me was a sea of mountains. Every way I looked I saw the peaks, covered in snow. There was nothing but beautiful mountains. The mountains are rugged and unforgiving. They are majestic and awe inspiring. It made me realize just how little and insignificant our short lives are. It made me think about the geological time that these mountains represent. It made me simply look and see the magnificent creation in front of me.

Switzerland is a beautiful country. I am glad that I live here.

Reflections on an unexpected night...

I wrote the first part of this post about 1 am just after the incident I describe below. The rest I finished today.


I spent three amazing days in Edinburgh, and now I am in London.

I got back from Brighton and I was tired. All I really wanted to do was sleep, but then I saw an empty pizza box and I thought... one pizza before bed won't do any harm. So off I went with my friend to the corner store, Chick-a-Chicken. It is down a dark alleyway an then around the corner, a thirty second walk from her house.

We walk into the neon lights with the pleasant smell of marijuana greeting us. There are two other customers: a young girl, maybe 17, and a man in his 30's. She was pretty with her platform shoes taking up the seat next to her. He was not nearly as pretty as her, maybe half his teeth missing. They were engaged in a loud conversation.

Can I get a pizza.
Two pounds.
Cheers.

My friend ordered her chips with vinegar. (that is fries to my American friends). We waited. The discussion was becoming more heated behind us.

You got a big mouth. That mouth gonna get you slapped one day.

Silence.

You heard me? You got a big mouth and someone needs to slap it.

Shut up.

You need to watch your mouth. Someone's gonna kill you.

I felt powerless. I did not know what to do. I just tried to sink into the background and not get involved. I tried to excuse myself of responsibility for the situation I was witnessing. It's normal, after all, to see intoxicated men verbally abusing women. I don't know how many times I've seen a similar scene in Chicago or in bars that I have been to.

My friend, however, would not let herself be powerless. Her first tactic was engaging the girl in conversation. She attempted to talk to her. Begin with simple conversation. That did not work. I stood next to her, but still kept silent. Feeling like it's not my business. The store clerk tried to kick the man out. We tried to engage with the girl to change her focus. Nothing seemed to work.

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna show you what kind of trouble your mouth gets you into. I bet you are a whore. I'll show you what happens to girls like you.


At this point my friend made a bold move. She turned and faced the man.

That is threatening speech. You do not have the right to talk to this young woman like that. I am going to call the police. You cannot incite violence like this, it's not legal.

She called the police. She stepped outside of the store and gave them the address and the man's description. She was not merely threatening, she carried through on her threats. While she was talking on the phone the man did leave the store. However, he remained on the block. In about three minutes a young, white police officer showed up. He said his colleagues had apprehended the man and were holding him just down the street. He took the name of the girl. He asked her what had happened. He stayed for a few minutes, making sure there was no physical injury.

A few minutes later another gentleman walked into the store.

Thank you for calling the police. When that guy is drunk he just doesn't know what he's doing. You can't ever tell with him. He doesn't have the right to treat you like that. I am glad you called the police on him.

It was refreshing to hear a voice like that - to hear a man say that women have the right to stand up for themselves. We have the right to say no - to say I am better than that. I deserve to be treated with respect and not as your object of sexual obsession. I deserve to be treated as the human being that I am, created in the image of God. If you do not treat me that way I do not have to take it. I can call on the police. Luckily, we were in a country that does respect women's rights.

Yet, I still feel powerless. I would not have had the courage to do what my friend did. I would not have had the guts to actually call the police. I would have sat quietly in the corner until I got my pizza and then I would have left. What would it have taken for me to act? Would she have had to be getting physically attacked? If he had started being violent towards me? Towards someone I knew? What would it have taken for me to act? I like to talk tough, but actually being in a situation of violence (verbal or physical) is completely different. I hope and pray that next time, and there will be a next time, I will have the courage to act as my friend did.

Work and Rest

I just got back on Monday night, then Tuesday morning I came into work. I have not had much time to rest.

I realize that when I post on this blog people actually read it. I know I've mentioned this before. Once again I failed to post and, not surprisingly, my total readership has gone down. Basically, the principle is that if you build it they will come. (I feel like I'm not the first to have said that... ;)

I think this relates to my spiritual life. I keep on expecting God to tell me what I should do next. Should I go back to Texas? Should I stay here in Geneva? Should I go and study Spanish? Should I go somewhere else? Should I go and live at Taize forever? I am expecting the answer to fall into my lap. I am forgetting the key part of a conversation, listening. Talking is an important part of any dialogue, but equally important is listening. Listening to see if God is telling me something that I am perhaps not willing to hear. Listening to see if God is telling me something that I want to hear. Listening to see what God is telling me. Listening. It is a key part that I am forgetting sometimes. I am so busy trying to hear and find out what path God is laying for me that I forget to listen. I forget to just sit and be. Just sit. My blogs are related to this because if I simply posted more than more people would come and read them. If I simply spent more time listening then perhaps I could begin to hear.

As Jesus often says, "Those who have ears to hear, listen."

I suppose I am looking for a balance between work and rest.