tired and feeling strange

I am tired - mainly because I didn't sleep much last night - but I am also feeling strange.

Whenever a big trip is coming up a small pit of excitement/anxiety/nervousness/unknowingness/uncertainty wells up in my stomach and sits there growing bigger every moment as I get closer to the day of departure. This time I feel like that small ball is making it hard for me to focus on my friends and family here in Austin. I'm living, breathing, thinking, and smelling Guatemala.

My anticipation for Guatemala makes me think of that phrase "Hurry up and wait." That is what I'm doing right now. I'm hurtling towards my 'departure day' at a million miles a minute, but I'm not leaving for Guatemala. I'm leaving for Chicago. It feels like a false start - like I'm misleading myself. I am amped up and excited and looking forward to my trip which starts Monday, but it doesn't really start Monday. (Well it does, just not THIS Monday). I am hurrying towards this date so that I can wait another week in a different city.

However, I am also looking forward to my conference in Chicago. I am glad that I made the decision to stay in the US for this meeting. I know that the PJD can be powerful and I'm glad that I'll be able to shape it's future forms all over the world.

I am glad that my trip is beginning with this weekend of reflection about the future. I know that although I am going to Guatemala to learn Spanish I am also going so that I can begin to think more about my future. I want to reflect on where my life has been and where I would like it to go. Starting with an intentional reflection with others of similar values/beliefs is a good way to begin my journey south.

The small pit in my stomach is growing ever so slightly even as I write this very post. I hope that I will be able to contain it until I land in just over a week in Guatemala City!

Planning and Packing

I am not really a planner, I'm much more of a spur of the moment kind of person. It is actually hard for me to focus and plan this trip for more than two weeks. Once I decide to do something I want to do it. My trip seems spontaneous, but that is the only way I do things.

Just after I started looking at new jobs I also started looking at flights. Somehow the massive amount of time I have now and the small amount of money made me think that perhaps I had a way to travel. (Traveling is like a drug - once you've gone to a foreign country you need to go again and again. I need to get my fix. Honestly, this fix is going to be different than anything I've ever done before.) I looked at some programs in 'safe' and 'easy' places that I had already been, like France and Spain or Switzerland but the pull of something new and different (and practical) brought me to Xela. Xela (the nickname for Quetzaltenango) is the second largest city in Guatemala with about 300,000 people. It is also not touristy, except for Spanish language classes. I should actually learn a lot of Spanish while I'm there! From the day the idea was born in my brain to the day I bought my ticket was 8 days. Eight days to decide that I am ready to change my life, again.

I have been planning, but I have not yet begun packing. Packing is something that I like to do at the last minute. I enjoy that rush not knowing if you'll fit everything in or not and then making it (almost all the time!) and then finding out that you didn't bring the plugs you needed but you did bring that really unnecessary green sweater. I like that thrill.